Hey all, I’ve been doing lots of contemplation of my financial future (first child due in 5 weeks) and have been wondering when (if ever) we might be able to build our own home. We bought our current home five years ago “when houses were still cheap”. We recently refinanced and took some cash out to do a modest addition. We feel pretty lucky that we bought when we did, the house more than doubled its appraised value in those five years, but we still can’t afford the next step (beyond “starter home”). My wages certainly haven’t increased a commensurate amount in those five years. Just got me to wondering how others in the trades have finagled the time and money to build for themselves. Did you build the home you live in? Did you take time off to do it? Do you own your own business? Still married to first spouse? How does it all work? Just looking for some free counseling I guess. cityhix
Edited 3/6/2004 8:10:58 PM ET by CITYHIX
Replies
I started my own house last January and had it ready to move in May. Its still not 100% finished but over time I'll finish it. I was able to borrow the money from my parents to build and paid them back soon as I got my mortgage. I stayed in my camper while my wife and 2 children stayed with her parents. I have my own business which allowed me to be working on the house if we were slow. Living in the trailer enabled me to work opn the house till the wee hours of the morning.
I had contractors come in to do my concrete, mechanicals and drywall taping. Framing, insulation, drywall, trim, flooring, windows, siding and steel roof were all done by some awsome friends, family and myself. We have 240,000 invested in our home and property and have had it appraised at 300,000 and it still isn't finished. We found a way to make it happen and it worked out great and would reccommend it to anyone who has the ability to do so.
"Did you build the home you live in?"
Not yet! I'm still working on it, but invested 90K in land and house that appraidses at 150. Will be worth 250 when all finished.
"Did you take time off to do it?"
Yes, I started it in May and moved in the following May. I took off about five months to get it up and closed in, working alone, then got the interior ready enough to live in by working evenings and wekends for the rest of the year. Then kept on working.
Thirteen months of fourteen hours times seven left me exhausted and dried up, but it feels good to own your own home. You've already got that much. count your blessings, especially the new one that's coming.
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wow where do i start
i have done it all including mistakes !! i am 49 have 2 children 1 in college another one going year after next !! i was always busy building houses while my wife was supporting me on those ventures i was too busy to watch and enjoy them grow !!
i guess i say now i was building houses while she was trying to build a HOME !! LET YOUR WIFE SEE THIS STAMENT SHE MIGHT BE ABLE TO EXSPLAIN IT TO YOU ASSUMING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT (no offense) any way do you have a college fund in place ?? i hope so !! it comes SO QUICK !!!! now that you have a family you have to keep an equal balance of all investments hopefully you & your wifes values dont change ( the children first !!! then the fancy stuff ) i missed this point on the values LOL i was still on the house details & she wanted fancy clothes not for her but for the kids we drifted apart for a bit because i was so intent on houses !! luckly we have 2 very smart children i am self employed i did take time off to build the home i tried to do everything myself i built 1 new home & renovated 3 by my self !!you have no idea what a strain it can put on your relationship at diffrent points in time especially when you have a young one. she will look to you for support not for discussing 2x4s . everything will fall in place if the relationship is sound but keep it sound dont make the same mistakes i have learn by other peoples mistakes you wont live long enough to make them all yourself
After we got married we shopped for land every weekend, then used every penny we had to build the shop, buy a single wide mobile home, drill a well, put in a septic system, and bring power in. Then we started accumulating building materials.
Kathy stayed at home with one, then two, then three little Blodgetts while I worked as a carpenter by day, and started to build our house by night and on weekends.
We shopped hard for everything, most of the framing lumber came from logs within 1/2 mile, or off of our place...built our own forms then used the plywood to sheet the roof(s)...recylced flooring from an old school in Seattle...picked up bits and pieces here and there and moved into the house about three years after we started it. Had a total of 35k tied up in a three bedroom house when we moved in. Just reroofed it last year while our oldest was home from college (he was 7 months old when we moved here). After 19 years, the place looks better than ever.
After a few years we took some of the equity out of the house to fund investments we hope will finance our retirement when we cash them in - but who knows, we might not make it past today. Are there things I'd do different? You bet. But it's been an exhillerating ride. All three kids are fine young adults and here Kathy and I are acting like a couple again.
This house has been the cornerstone of our family. I can't imagine where we'd be today if we had spent all that time and energy playing golf, or fishing, or whatever it is people do with their free time. We were lucky. And we had a lot of help. But virtually anyone could do what we did - you just have to want it bad enough.
My wages certainly haven't increased a commensurate amount in those five years.
Sad fact of life for most. Us included.
We were in a similar situation as you, sans child, and wanting to live country. After a several years' search we concluded there was no way we could ever compete for land near the city we called home. Headed for cheaper land- East.
Our place here is the first I built, ever. No carpenter/builder, I'm a shop guy. This was intended to by my future furniture shop, when we could afford the house we really wanted. But the land acquisition came first. Where is the most important point.
I'd been running a shop here for an upscale builder for several years when they fired me. Timing was great as spring was coming and I'd already realized I'd never get much done while wage-earning. Hiring subs for our non-standard dream proved futile. Now I understand I wasn't supposed to do this while collecting unemployment, but it worked fine at the time. That was the second, and last, job I ever had. Crappy employee, decent at self-employment.
Replacement house is now out of the ground and I'm in the process of finding a small crew for this summer. Money is set aside. Will likely run short again, but we are long on equity.
Financing is paramount. We originally got a large seller note (3.25% down) on the land and reserved our capital for building. Ran short of course and hit up the family. All paid off now and I was recently pleasantly surprised that we qualify for a large equity loan. $2-300k no problem even with minimal income.
Your question about marriage is apt. My recommendation generally is to buy existing, not build. Most stressful thing most couples ever attempt. Ours survived quite nicely, but we'd already been married for 20 yrs. The approach that worked for us, not necessarily recommended, is DW tuned out and left me to deal with it. She helped pull wire and chose the finish on the kitchen cabinets (plastic laminate). That was it. No subs were involved. We do best to have our own separate lives and get together for dinner.
With your equity you have a lot of choices. Before we left the city we were able to comfortably spend every fall in Italy. Nice, but wasn't enough to keep us there. Moving here proved to be an excellent choice. Hope you do as well with yours.
PAHS Designer/Builder- Bury it!
we've built 3 .... no 4 houses.. one was a spec house that didn't sell.. so we wound up living in it fora awhile
our first one took two years.. we started before we were married... never paid for any carpentry or laboring.. .but we hired drywall, plumbing , electrical, and flooring..
bought the land from my dad.. i think i paid him just before he died.. matter of fact i know i paid him.. he lets me sleep at nite..
the second house we built is a vacation camp in NH.. two years weekends on that one... almost no money for anything besides materials, some excavation... and a well and septic
the one we live in we also spent two years building.. but by this time i had a crew... so my crew framed it.. the two years was what it took to sell assets to accumulate the capital to do it.. you know.. sell the old house..buy the land...
move into the spec house.. sell the spec house... our the foundation....
move in with your parents.. get a const. mortgage and finish it...hey , whatever...
two years, 4 moves.......
the only thing i regret looking back is selling the spec house... should never have done that... it was just at the point where inflation had raised the rent to where it was self-supporting.. it would be good for about $1500 a month net today....
Mike Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Currently in the middle of building my own. It's way more than I thought it would be. More of everything.
I guess you could say that I am taking time off to do it. I am a physicist by education and engineer by trade, out of work in a very unemployed Cleveland, Ohio. I do have a job with a local remodeler and I work with him when he really has to have me. But generally, he has given me space and time to work on my place. He did help me frame it (along with a couple other guys we know). He has been very good to me and I am just very fortunate that I am able to do more than just physics and engineering type stuff.
My wife and I are paying for it with our own money (we are very frugal people and have saved quite a bit) and other moneys from wonderful family (both sides). We will be taking a conventional mortgage when we are finished and pay everyone back including ourselves.
My wife is my first wife and we have one child (10 months old). My wife is a professor at Youngstown State University. And actually, she is kind of superstar when it comes to her profession (she is young and has done some very outstanding things in her as of yet short career). So she likes to work and loves her career. She also teaches at an online university and works one day a week at a local university counseling center. I think there is another job in there somewhere but to be honest, I loose track. She also publishes at least 2 articles in trade journals per month and has just written her first book (just submitted the final copy to the editor). She is only 30 years old and there is no way that we could have even considered doing something as crazy as building our own house without her total dedication to our family and future. She is truly even more amazing than I could ever possibly put into words.
It took us two years of looking at crappy used, over priced houses to come to the decision of building our own. We are over budget (could be significantly over budget) but we paid very close attention to the expected value of the finished home in our market. And in that regard, we could even go way more over budget and still make a boat load of money on resale. But we don't want to sell. We need a house and we like this one. It is turning out to be way more than we wanted....... more money, more house, more time to build, etc.....
I do not own my own business but worked for 9 years in a family business. It was the best education I ever had but we closed a few years ago because my wife and I took a teaching position for her in North Carolina (I was the chief engineer at the company but the teaching position was at the best program in the nation for Vicki's field). Thought about doing another house (for sale) but would do it differently in some ways. In others though, I think I have really hit the mark. Time will tell if that is the path for me. I would still really like be an engineer though.
How does it all work?
Only with the unwavering support of my wife. Even when she gets a little freaked out (which is very rare considering that we are spending every dime we ever had and every dime we are making now) she is always there saying that things are great and going to be even better. Everyone else I know just thinks that I am a fool. And I really mean the word fool. You know how everyone thinks they have it all figured out (we all do in some way)? Well, all the people I know just think that their way is the best way and I am for sure going to fall on my face and put my family into financial ruin in the process. So far so good. As for the rest, it just all works out one day at a time. Some days are great, some days are not so great (especially when you come across one of those things about building a house that you didn't know and you have to make it right after the fact). So I really shoot for more great days than not so great days.
And there is no way that we could have done this without the support of our wonderful parents (on both side). They have lent us money, allowed us to live in their homes, given us cheap rent in other homes they own, and worked at the job site almost every day right by my side. Nobody does it alone. Nobody.
Hope this was at least an interesting read......
Rob Kress
that question of being married to first spouse is a very important one in calculating your eventual net worth.
Both my wife and I are in our second union and the fionancial victims of the first. There definitely is somethng to the Calvinist declaration that virtue is rewarded in earthly terms.
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
"Did you build the home you live in?"
Define "build"?
I bought a "fixer-upper" that I completely gutted and made better than new for the value of the land. Worth triple my financial investment now.
"Did you take time off to do it?"
Lot's of it.
"Still married to first spouse?"
Yes, but she wouldn't marry me until I got the house done, and it took eight years.
"How does it all work? Just looking for some free counseling I guess."
If you have no trades experience, and no connections to trades people, ..then live modestly, save your money, and move up when you can afford to.
If you are intelligent, mechanically inclined, have a job that will allow flexible hours, have the energy of a teenager, a forgiving wife, and few other responsibilities........go for it.
Jon
Build your self a large garage first . Then figure out what you want for windows,doors ,etc . buy the materials that you need as the money is available and the things you need are on sale.
We spent about three year accumulating before we started on our new house. Only regret is that I did not finnish my shop first.
we basicly are financing the house ourselves with this method. some times it is flustrating but just remind yourself that the house is yours free and clear.
Yep, I do. Took two full years to build it. Did it all myself aside from laying the block and installing the HVAC.
There are some pictures of it and all the custome insides here somewhere.
Many of the technical problems along the way were handled by the great folks here!
And yep, the first wife who helped along the way is still in it with me even though it ran 6 4 months and $25k over budget.
Mike
Hey all, I've been doing lots of contemplation of my financial future (first child due in 5 weeks) and have been wondering when (if ever) we might be able to build our own home. We bought our current home five years ago "when houses were still cheap". Mortgage rates might have been low but didnt know houses were cheap.We recently refinanced and took some cash out to do a modest addition. We feel pretty lucky that we bought when we did, the house more than doubled its appraised value in those five years, but we still can't afford the next step (beyond "starter home"). My wages certainly haven't increased a commensurate amount in those five years. Just got me to wondering how others in the trades have finagled the time and money to build for themselves. For me it was one day at a time.
HEllo, my name is Andy and I'm admitting to have taken off more than I can chew.
That was how I started. Took a big gulp and finally got through it. Did the same on the second with the money from the first and now on the third. Did a couple inbetween that I "didn't" live in.
Just call me a glutton for punishment with a love for building.
Did you build the home you live in? Took the worst house in the worst location in the best hood and transformed it and sold it Did you take time off to do it?Took the time inbetween all the other houses I was working on for other people. Do you own your own business?Yep Still married to first spouse? HArd as that is to believe, yep, I still do but it came real close to ending on the house before this one. How does it all work? Just do it and learn how to meditate. I'm not kidding!Just looking for some free counseling I guess. cityhix
You have to see what I'm doing now. Doubling the size of an old house.
We renamed it."Casa Lodo". Well at least what the Spanish guys here call it.
House of Mud........yuk.actually to make matters worse it muddy clay.
Try walking around in that all day. Feels like cement shoes.
BE well and Mazal Tov
Namaste'
andy
My life is my passion!
http://CLIFFORDRENOVATIONS.COM
I really appreciate this thread, partly because misery loves company.
I'm at the drywall stage now...subbed out the excavation, foundation, and framing through dry-in. I've done the DWV, electrical including panels, just got a quote for taping, and plan to do the supply plumbing, radiant and finished floors, trim, and (finally) siding once I get good and tired of looking at Typar.
This started with purchase of 22 acres, erection of deck and 24X20 foot cabin (to which this house is a 1600 sq ft add-on) about 6 years ago. Well, septic, and garage/shop/guest suite completed over the last 1 1/2 - 2 years.
It really is nice to have the shop completed and a fairly firm driveway for all the machinery and delivery trucks.
I've got a pretty nice picture of the two buildings that I'll have to scan and post soon.
Question...when you got "done", what did you do with all your time?
"Question...when you got "done", what did you do with all your time?"
A Longfellow type rest
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
Cityhix,
We started our home about 14 years ago. Had enough money saved up, to buy 3 acres in the woods, bordering about 4500 acres of state wildlife area. My wife and I cleared the site, including a 400' drive way, with chainsaws and a pickup. Had the well drilled, power run in, and septic installed. Managed to frame up a 32'x36' story and a half carriage house. Garage and shop on the ground level, and about a 900 sf, one bedroom apartment above. Paid for all of this, then went to the bank for a whopping 25K to finish it off. After many battles with the banker, due to our age, (young) ect, got the loan. Worked nights and weekends, for two years. Got married in that time. Moved in, before completion, with my wife expecting our 1st child.
Our original plan was to build a separate house, adjacent to the carriage house. The baby on the way, put that plan to bed. We decided to add another bedroom, to the apartment. Put on a 250 sf, 2 story addition, to create another bed room, larger laundry on the ground floor, and a future second bath. Paid for this phase with a small 10K home equity loan, and by working lots of extra jobs. This phase took over 2 years to fund and complete. Had the bedroom ready, shortly after the birth of child #2. Fast forward 7 years, to the present.
Now, we are out growing this little place, as the kids get bigger. Since we have a boy, and a girl, we need one more bedroom. They're tired of sharing, and getting to the age where they need some space of their own.
Currently, I'm in the process or converting the garage & shop, on the ground floor into living space. It is becoming a new kitchen, dining room, & living room. When this is done, the old kitchen, living room area in the upstairs, will be renovated into a new master bed room and bath. Then my daughter will get our old room, and son will keep the one they are in now. Been working on this final phase for a couple of years, nights and weekends. Paying as we go, out of pocket. This lower level has removed my shop space, so I poured a foundation for a new shop in December. Hope to start framing soon. Also trying to finish a new office space, in the basement for myself at this time.
All said and done, it's been about 12 years in the making. I don't want to know the hours I've got in it. When completed, we will have about 2600 sf of living space, fairly nice finishes. Will have invested slightly over 100K over those years, and will have a value of about 200-220K. In the current market here. My mortgage payments are less than most folks car payments, and we'll own it outright in about ten years, or less. I'll be in my late forties then. Most of my friends will probably die with a mortgage, at an old age.
In hindsight, I probably would have started with a small, one story expandable plan. It would have been much less work, from a labor standpoint. But would have lacked some of the character of our home. It's kind of strange to remodel things that you just did a couple of years ago.
Brudoggie
I first started posting here when I started my own house. We have a construction loan. My wife has a good job to help keep us flush. We forgot to have kids. I subbed the plumbing and electrical and the drywall. I did everything else. I was going to hire a helper but workmens comp rates were prohibitive. I dug the foundation with a pick and shovel in ten days. There were some big rocks and a few stumps. I built the forms out of salvaged wood. That same wood is my interior trim. I framed and lifted the walls by myself with wall jacks. With a morning of crane time I had all my precut rafters and ridge beams in place. All my exterior trim and siding is salvaged wood. I am inside now doing trim. We hope to finish by this summer. I still have the same wife and we haven't experianced the problems that everyone warned us about. We did argue a lot about the range hood. I wanted it to vent directly out the back and she wanted one that would require an upper cabinet and roof penetration. I won that one. She mainly gets what she wants though. I owned the lot for about ten years before I came up with a plan and the financing. Lots here are worth ten times more now. I am about a half a mile from the lake and adjacent to millions of acres of public land where I can run my dog team from my front door. We plan to live here for about ten years and then possibly move to BC to retire after I build another house there.
arguing...
LOL
the things that we don't agree on are still noit done, for the most part
Welcome to the Taunton University of Knowledge FHB Campus at Breaktime. where ... Excellence is its own reward!
I have been building the homes we live in for twenty years. The first one started out as a barn and tractor shed. Since the building was already existing but not finished the banks were not crazy about loaning money to finish it. We finally got an fha 203k loan in 1995 and this sped up the construction process. The home was about 98% finished in 1996, when the creek behind the home became a river and flooded the house destroying all the new finishes on the first floor. Our young daughter became quite adept at sleeping behind the couch upstairs. The sound of nailers and construction equipment are not a bother for her.
Flood insurance paid for about half the damages (thats another long story). Three more years to repair flood damage. The night before hurricane Floyd hit, DW told me how nice the trim looked in her home office she was displaced out of three years prior. The next day was the last day we lived in that home. As far as insurance works floods are bad, fires are good.
Moving to higher ground (125' higher accross the street) we started again. We rented an apartment for three years untill our home was finished enough to live in. We paid mortgage and rent at the same time. The new home is still not finished, I miss alot of the things we should do as a family. Many things cost more than anticipated, many tasks were hired out or they still would not be done. Women do not like to live in homes under perpetual construction, no matter how nice they will be someday. If you are working full time there are not enough hours in the day.I had not intended to build as much of the new home as i did. I enjoy building things, I doubt we saved a great deal of money ,but it is built the way we wanted. Your vacation time becomes work on the house time. I would probably do it again but the majority of the household would banish me to the dog house.
good luck
"Women do not like to live in homes under perpetual construction, no matter how nice they will be someday."
Actually, Arrow,
That is one of the truest statements I've seen on this forum yet so I'm going to repeat it in bold print.
Women do not like to live in homes under perpetual construction, no matter how nice they will be someday.
Jon
Like I said, the house had nothing to do with our split. I think she was waiting to do it, I think I was waiting for her to do it. it should have happened long before the house, long before the kids, etc. But religion and youth will make you do stupid things.
General rule of thumb though...for those considering it, for those who aren't in the trade and may not be fully aware, it is a huge amount of work. It is constant. And each and ever time you go back to the site, it looks EXACTLY the same as when you left. Personally, I'd start again tomorrow if I had to. I loved it. Someday I figure I'll build the fullscribe, but NOT alone. That's one you do and share with someone. If you are not BOTH enthusiatic and committed, and have a sense of craziness, then you are headed for problems. It is amazing how some people look at having all the options available as a BAD THING. MANY decisions to be made, always a trade in cost and time.
The kids helped with this one, somewhat, pulling some wire, handing some things, obviously little things. Whenever I'm talking to someone and say "Yeah, did it mostly myself" they always come over and say "Liar Daddy, we helped you too!"
Women do not like to live in homes under perpetual construction, no matter how nice they will be someday.
This is one of many lessons we learn when we undertake projects of this magnitude.
Also everything is easier and gets done faster in our own minds.
"Also everything is easier and gets done faster in our own minds."
Arrow,
True, but it gets done even faster on those home improvement shows you see on TV. Remodel a kitchen in a weekend, Pleeeeeeease.
Jon
Thanks for the replies. Been too busy to respond till now as I've doing a quickie bedroom remodel (tear out carpet, refinish floor, new trim, paint) so we can have a room for the new kid coming to live with us sometime around April 11 (for 20 years or so). Wife sick in bed for the last three days, me working till bed time, so the sink is full of dishes, the fridge is empty and the house has a fine layer of dust everywhere. No back pain though!
Great to hear other stories of building the family home whilst raising kids and keeping the bills paid. We stumbled in to home ownership five years ago with the some help from family, a kind loan officer and modest space needs. We did a bit of work here and there and then spent two years out of state while wife attended graduate school. While we were gone our little blue collar town got written up in a bunch of national publications as a great place to retire, a great place for the entrepeneur, a great place for outdoor activites, a great place to move to and drive up the real estate market. We were planning to come home, sell the house, make a nice profit and then get something nice, you know, in the 150K range. Well, turns out our tiny little place is worth 150K and you now need to spend 225k+ to get a modest house in a modest neighboorhood that doesn't require a major facelift. And guess what? Though I'm back at my old job, the pay is the same and we aren't yet willing to be slaves to a big mortgage payment. And since everyone wants to live here my newly gradiated wife can't find a job that will hold her attention (we headed that situation off by getting pregnant). Now, we are, of course, very lucky that we were able to refinance at a lower rate, take out some cash and still keep the mortgage payment manageable. Now I just need to finish up all the lingering projects, get some addition plans drawn up and submitted (8 week backlog), learn how to be a father, keep the paychecks coming while DW stays home with the baby and find time to actually build the addition. In spite of all the grumbling, could I be any happier? We will finally have that third family member sometime in the next 6 weeks (I'd been bugging DW since before she was DW), we have money in the bank, we own our home in an over priced market and the job is steady! And springs coming on, we even set a record high temp yesterday!
I'm somewhat embarrassed to say, it took 10 years to build ours:
Bought a fairly large piece of rural property, mostly timberland. It had an ancient, rat-infested trailer on a roughed out building site. We revamped the trailer, moved in and I started building on weekends and evenings....
I bought a Woodmizer sawmill and was able to use selected timber off the property for all the framing. The house is kind of a log-timberframe hybrid so it took a lot of time just doing all the handwork, i.e, falling, yarding, peeling, cutting mortises and tenons by hand, etc., etc.
Being on-site and taking the time enabled me to incorporate a lot of different local species, like Pacific Yew, Port-Orford Cedar, Western Red Cedar and Doug fir, and some hand selected curved pieces, but it took forever.
I was building for others during the day so picking up a hammer in my off-hours became a challenge to my motivation as the old trailer gradually began to deteriorate.
But my wife is a saint and never complained and the first night we slept in the finished house was an experience that made it all worthwhile.
Our experience isn't for everyone, but being "empty-nesters" helped. And DW was adament that we wouldn't move in until the last switch plate was mounted. That was a real plus, because I have friends who moved into unfinished houses and regretted it.
And I'm grateful that we did the whole thing when we did...age has begun to creep up and I'm not sure I could pull it off a second time with the same results.
I'm a research engineer in astronomy. Three daughters, now 9,8, and 6. Since I was 6, always wanted to do astronomy, always wanted to build a log cabin (full scribe) in the middle of the woods. Started a little business back in 97, got a govt. contract to develop some electronics, walked away with about 40K after taxes. Worked 100 hours a week for 1.5 years during that time, business and normal job. Loved it all...usually.
Bought 44 wooded acres in '98 out in the sticks. Spent every weekend playing on the property, walking around, playing with the kids, thinking, planning. Decided I'd better start building soon, and since I can't afford the log house I want, figured I'd stick frame a 32x48 gambrel roof "barn" that would eventually be my workshop when I built the log house. Set if off the intended house site and started working. Built a little gambrel roof play house for practice first, 8x10, never built a thing (houes wise) in my life before. Playhouse can survive an F5 tornado...LOL...so figured I could build a house too.
Started building...made many of those "well, if we are going to live here for awhile, might as well do...." decisions which vaulted the workshop into a mighty nice place. Radian heat, skylights, corian, huge windows, etc. Loved every minute of building the place, but built it 98% alone. Wife and I had a crappy marriage, she wanted nothing to do with the house, couldn't even get her interested in picking materials, planning, etc. She decided to return to school to get her nursing degree, while I was building and still working. Took some vacation, could work overnight so I had daylight to work on the house, etc.
Spring of '03, wife is done with school, gets a good job, says she wants to leave. Lost all the hope for the strength to fight that idea...so we split. I moved into the new hosue with the kids 5 nights a week, and she bought a new house for herself and the kids when they are with her.
Building the house had nothing to do with the split...but I have heard many cases were it does. If you don't have the support and share the desire, don't do it.
Today the house is not done. i have 2 miles of T&G pine to hang, floors to cover, and all the trim. Still have Tyvek siding...but nice overhangs are very effective. Planning to build the garage (32x48) this spring/summer and can start working in it to build the house. Trying to avoid making the enormous mess...especially when prepping T&G.
Most important thing to me...the kids. My life with them is wonderful, better than ever, and they are the true focus. Career was put on hold to a great extent when my eldest was born 9 years ago....and today I rarely have time dedicated to building. I get them involved in everything we do on the house, and hopefully on the garage, as much as possible. I'll choose them everytime before anything else...and I will only warn you against not making those choices. As others have said, there stay is finite, time truely flies, and I always wonder what my life was like before I had kids!
I'd never trade it, I'd never want someone else to build it for me. The kids heard the dreams, they saw the planning, watched ground breaking, some it grow, put there hands in the concrete, and now they show it off to their friends. I stand inside and look out into the woods and am still amazed that 3 years ago this was just a wooded stand of spruce trees...and that I built this place. 1000' back into the woods, gnarly driveway, it is a lifestyle choice in many ways that I had been talking about since age 6. My wife knew it as well, apparently decided she no longer wanted anything to do with it.
To be honest, these past 6 months have been the best ever.
Wow. This thread could be edited into an article about getting along (or not) with your spouse during a building project.
Just last night I was trying to get some input from DW about a variety of decisions....bathtub, tile, floor coverings, etc etc etc...a discussion that rapidly de-generated into an argument about whether I should tape some sheetrock patches I need to make, or whether the taper we're hiring should do it while he tapes the new sheetrock. Really insignifigant stuff in light of the larger decisions that need to be made to keep the work flow up.
In general, seems like either one or the other spends most of his/her available hours either dreaming about or working on the project, while the other doesn't rate the whole thing quite as high on the priority list.
Anyway, after a cool down period, we were able to discuss the larger picture calmly...she picked out a couple of tub, flooring and tile options herself this morning, and I'm meeting her in 1/2 an hour at another tile shop.
Whew!
BTW...you'll NEVER regret spending priority time with your kids. Two of my three girls are grown and gone, the third almost. The middle daughter asked me recently: "What did you DO [with all of your spare time] before you started this house?"
"Well, there was volleyball, and driving you kids around, church activities...".and she got the point. They seem to have to get out on thier own for a bit before they understand. But that's the way it was with me and my folks too...
Edited 3/10/2004 12:08 pm ET by johnnyd