I’m curious how the rest of you deal with stress, specifically NOT taking it home with you.
It’s hard to not get stressed a bit on the job – Some days you’re like a kid with a wet diaper, and everybody’s on your butt. Everybody wants everything, and they want it NOW.
So how do you get work off your mind when you head for home? Anything creative or unusual that you do?
I have a sort of mental trick I use that seems to help. You know how those new push mowers have that bar you have to hold onto to keep the mower running? Try to imagine holding onto that bar with both hands. Then imagine yourself letting go of the handle – almost as if you’re dropping something.
When I’m at home after work, I sometimes catch myself replaying stuff from work in my mind. I try to imagine letting go of it just like that mower handle. I refure to worry about it, or “drop” it for the time being. Seems to work, but I often have to do this several times after a bad day.
DW always wants me to come home and “unload” everything, or “get it off my chest”. But that doesn’t seem to work for me. When I have to re-live everything stressful that happened that day, I just get all stressed out again. Letting it go and setting my mind to other things seems to be more effective.
So what works for you?
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Replies
DW always wants me to come home and "unload" everything, or "get it off my chest"
Maybe that's because she wants to feel that by listening, she is helping out, or being there for you? Perhaps it is better for you to talk about it later, after you have wound down some, and gotten some perspective. Is she maybe thinking, "Well, let's get it all out as soon as possible, so we can forget about it?"
If getting it off your chest is good for her, but not for you, then it really doesn't help the problem.
I have panic disorder, and one way I deal with it is through monitoring stress and making myself let go. Your lawn handle analogy is a great one! You really do need to become aware of how worry occupies not only your mind, but also your muscles and your gut, and learn how to let it go. Letting go of that muscle tension helps. I have a CD (don't laugh) of ocean waves, no music just ocean waves, and I put it on and lay down on the floor with my feet and legs up on the sofa (good for the bad back) and just try to breathe and focus on the waves. It really helps. Try googling on "progressive muscle relaxation" and maybe you'll find the stress relief exercises. They really really work.
Have you tried writing down the things that bug you, and making of list of stuff to deal with later?
Here's a starting point. And follow up on the link in it about Guided Imagery. That has worked for me.
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/g2603/0006/2603000623/p1/article.jhtml?term=
You can choose to be part of the solution, or part of the problem. Or like me, you can be an overachiever, and do both.
Edited 8/6/2002 11:07:27 AM ET by Theodora
"Maybe that's because she wants to feel that by listening, she is helping out, or being there for you?"
Heck, who knows. I wonder if it's a "control" thing, since DW likes can't stand to have anything that's not 100% organized and dealt with.
When DW and I were in counselling, we talked about that issue some. The counselor thought that it was important for me to relate everything to DW, so she didn't feel left out. She (the counselor) didn't seem to care that it just stressed me out and didn't help me any. I didn't agree to that, and only relate things that I feel are important. (Like a change in my hours, etc) Don't really know what the correct thing to do is.
Have you tried writing down the things that bug you, and making of list of stuff to deal with later?
No - Not sure I see the point. I leave notes at work regarding what I need to work on so I don't forget anything. I have 8 sticky notes on my monitor at the moment - Couldn't function without them.
BTW - I got and error when I tried the link you posted. An I've been saving this tag line for a reply to a woman..........
Housework probably won't kill you. But why take a chance?
Sorry that link didn't work. Lessee if this helps:
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/g2603/0006/2603000623/p1/article.jhtml
By writing stuff down, I didn't mean like a to do list, I meant like a magic thinking kind of thing where you write like, "Theodora really pi**ed me off today when she didn't record that order. I hope she gets West Nile virus." Or, "It is impossible to communicate with those idiots in the permit office." Then you can throw the list away. That technique works for some people, but not for others. Kind of a symbolic letting go.
As for the "correct way" to go regarding spilling all your concerns or not. I don't think there's a correct way. There's a way that will let YOU be happy and healthy, and that works for your marriage, but I don't think that there is one correct way.
Good luck! I hope it gets better.
You can choose to be part of the solution, or part of the problem. Or like me, you can be an overachiever, and do both.
Edited 8/6/2002 6:21:59 PM ET by Theodora
From the Goofy one .
My home is a playground . Lots of toys and things to do . You remember raising those kids ?What did they do? I do the same , just different stuff like typing to you.
Tim Mooney
Another respnse to: "she is helping out, or being there for you"
DW is totally non technical but pure common sense - innumerable times when a technical problem at work (a few with literally 10's of million impact) was helped by her counseling and common sense aproach - e.g. like comparisons on why a roast didn't cook right compared to a nonfunctioning satellite - surprising how such mundane items can provide insights. Discuss it all (unless classified of course).
Stress in general - age sure does remove it if you have been frugal and provided for your family's security over the years.
It's called BEER.
I try and do teh same thing to just drop it. If I think about how I should have handled something during the day or replay things that didn't go right I just get all fired up. I leave work at work. I don't even turn the cell phone on in the car unless I'm making a call. The time in the car is my time, people can wait until I get home or back to work to talk to me. I need "Steve" time, crank the music and let it all melt away.
SJ
Ignore it.....screw it! Fix any mistake that might kill an innocent bystander........then just walk away. I can usually remove all stress by turning the key in the van. No matter what it is.....usually...the world ain't gonna come to an end!
Worked with a cabinet makers once...helping on a big installation.......beautiful custom stuff......all cherry.....all stained and finished......the small bath and dressing area raised paneling and cabinets cost the maker over $30K and more than a few weeks of his life......he noticed me working a bit gingerly....and just said.....cut it and fit it like anything else ya every installed.....not much ya can screw up that we can't fix!
That was a great attitude to work under......and it's mostly true! The lead carp I used to work for had a similar attitude....if anything went wrong.....he didn't wanna spend any time at all debating who did what......he just wanted it fixed as soon as ya noticed. Your mistake or not.....need more materials to fix it.....make the call to the lumber yard...not like the mistake can stay...and not like it can get fixed w/o buying more materials...so just get it done and move on.
As he would say......"Make it so...."
Just gotta learn to get on with life. Have fun at work....it's hard enough without a negative attitude. Not like it won't be there waiting for ya the next morning...better drive home...relax......get a good nites sleep.....and think up some great fix in the shower the next morning!
Beer helps a great bit too! Jeff.......Sometimes on the toll road of life.....a handful of change is good.......
Walk in the door, two kids climbing on you, phone ringing, try to get some bidding and bookwork done, cook dinner,eat at 9 PM hopefully, plan for next morning, get cleaned up, read to kids if they're still up, ( sometimes wrestle with them), have a beer ,then collapse. Repeat 5-7 times a week. After a couple of weeks, you won't even remember your name, let alone what happened at work that day!! Actually I tell myself to just PUNCH OUT!!! several times a night. Usually that post work stuff doesn't hit me till after I go to bed. Ah, what the heck, sleep is highly overrated, right? Best advice is DRINK GOOD GERMAN BEER!! Lifes a roller coaster, just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Brudoggie
DW always wants me to come home and "unload" everything, or "get it off my chest". But that doesn't seem to work for me.
While there is a lot of stuff that I disagree with in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" the descriptions of the differences in how men and women deal with problems and stress could cast a lot of light on this issue.
Basically, the book's thesis is that women deal with these things internally by "just" talking about them, men deal with them by trying to solve 'em.
What she wants you do would likely be perfect for one of her girl friends, but really doesn't fit the bill for you, as a guy. (Encouraging you to "talk it out" isn't really meeting your needs; just as the typical male repsonse of offering solutions when our SO's are talking it out for themselves doesn't meet their needs!)
Given how my mariage crashed and burned, I'm the last person to give advice, but I suggest that you take a look at that book (but don't take it for gospel!) and get this issue straigntened out between you and the DW.
On the other hand, 25+ years ago I was involved in a peer counseling group which was called "re-evaluation counseling" or "co-counseling."
Part of its thesis was that by just taking about problems and stresses with someone who would just listen - not offer comments or observations or solutions or judgements or anything, but just listen, would serve as a form of "discharge" and help one deal with life's stuff. It was pretty useful to me at that pooint of my life.
I don't know how it work work with a SO, though, and there were definite technigues which were used as part of the process.
Edited 8/6/2002 7:34:36 PM ET by Bob Walker
I usually come home see the kiddos they like to crawl on me, eat then go get on the 'puta and come here and a couple of other sites. I also if I dont come here go into the shop and do some work for myself alone no pressure or schedule or anyone on my butt..... Darkworksite4: When the job is to small for everyone else, Its just about right for me"
My nightly decompression ritual:
1. Chili cheese dog.
2. Pint
3. Darts
Actually I try to burn my stress at the onset. Something happens and I curse like a sailor and flail my arms about; your basic tantrum. After that I'm cool and can continue working in just as high spirits as if i didn't just sand straight through the veneer.
I'm also lucky that I work for myself and can step away to grab some coffee and a cigarette if things are really going south fast
My finishing work ritual is as follows:
1) Shut down the computer
2) Wait for it to completely shut down
3) Turn off the monitor
At that point I am done and don't think about work at all. I figure that the way they keep raising retirement age I've got about 35 more years of work, * 48 weeks a year (I can dream, can't I) * 8 hours a day (I still can dream) = 13,440+ hours of work (or 806,400 minutes) ahead of me. I don't need to waste a single minute of my off time today on work - it will still be there tomorrow if I'm still employed.
Like take today for instance......
go in with a great attitude...ready to lay out the floor tiles. Layout works out to near perfection...and breaks record time.......till the last check.....all the tiles ...run on the diagonal.....work perfectly around the angled whirlpool tub deck......even....by pure luck.......a full tile dies in the angled wall across from the tub. Full tiles everywhere ya look. Fantastic.........
then...I gotta go and ruin things by checking the opposite wall..the longest wall in the room...only wall at a 90 to the door.......and find it's 1 1/4" outta wack with the door wall. And since the door wall matches everything else perfect....it's 1 1/4" outta wack with the rest of the perfect layout!
So...the rest of the afternoon is spent shifting the layout and splitting differences between no less than 9 wall sections..and that doesn't count where the tile dies into the toilet room. To make things even better.......the outta square wall....the longest wall....is also the first line of sight ya see when entering the room. Shoulda checked that first...but I was so damn happy to see how nicely the angled tile ran from the angled tub deck. Oh well......
Rather than get all stressed and worked up......and other than trying to figure if the new walls shoulda been built crooked to match the one long existing crooked wall.....I just took a quick walk thru the job site.......got some fresh air...and went back and shifted everything. It's gotta move...so why spend time getting pissed?
I finally got to a point where a fudge here and a fudge there....and instead of all perfect with one big noticable taper.....I'll have a ton of little unnoticable tapers everywhere! Such is life.......
And I was gonna stay and snap all the layout lines I need so I can start slapping down tile first thing tomorrow....but I just got my main line snapped........and I'll wing the rest tomorrow.......no need to push...the crooked wall will still be there waiting!
Only outta square corner in the whole upstairs is the one pre-existing! No wonder it practically laid itself out at first!
No stress here....hell....the next job'll probably be worse...welcome to remodeling.
Jeff.......Sometimes on the toll road of life.....a handful of change is good.......
Stress = looking @ the red eyed digital clock at 3 am......how do i get this done.....how do iget that done......who do i get to do this......not realistic to expect to operate without it......what doesnt kill me makes me stronger......if ya dont get stressed then you aint functioning.....trick is to divert it.....take up judo.....ya gotta forget bout everythin cept stayin on yer feet.....think bout that bearing wall load.....BOOM .... you on da floor.....
I worked in a real pressure cooker job in the late 70's, early 80's when the timber economy was horrible (along with every other sector), Mt. St. Helens blew and we were scrambling to keep a large facility going. Long hours, 7 mos. with no weekends off, everybody cranky.
My boss, a grizzly old bastard of the old school, but a good man, had one of our construction crews put up a "frustration pole." It was a length of an old power pole, set into concrete and wrapped with several turns of heavy conveyor belting.
Leaning beside it was an aluminum baseball bat and anyone, hourly or salaried, man or woman, white brown, black or purple was free to go out and wail the hell out of it whenever the mood struck.
It actually got used some, but just having it there kind of served as a relief valve.
Good post, lots of times I've fired up the forge an beat the heck out of a piece of steel - good for the soul.
My cabin was (is) withing the 20 mi red zone, "salvaged" a red zone poster and framed it an put it at the entrance to the shop.
Thought I attached a pix of the redzone poster, here is some nostalgia for nothchman. Hope it attached this time.
Now that's a proper piece of signage!!!
Wanted to give a better reply to your post but was a little harried last night with some work stuff (Iguess this post addresses that, huh?)
So anyway, a number of years ago I was working in a large industrial plant and found some stickers that had been made up to place on pressure vessels...big red DANGER and red borders and a warning that went something like this:
Danger!!!
YOU ARE STANDING IN THE VICINITY OF A HIGH PRESSURE DEVICE WHICH COULD SUDDENLY EXPLODE, EXPOSING YOU AND OTHERS TO HIGH VELOCITY METAL SHRAPNEL, CAUSTIC CHEMICALS AND CHUNKS OF POISONOUS SLUDGE.
I believe this was a custom made sign someone had composed as a safety warning for some no longer used chemical, but I found it ideal for mounting on bathroom doors.
Art,
What is Red Zone ??Quittin' Time
Jeff:
Gov. Dixie Lee in May '80 when St Helens Blew created a "red zone" aroung Mt St Helens that was a 20 mile on a side square. Classic case of closing the barn door after the horses have skedaddled.
No stress, My own boss! HA!
The IRS, Ins. Co., Mortgage Co., My employees... The list of hands extends my stress. 'just lost my rear on a small remodel and still wouldn't quit until it was perfect. What will be, will be. A big bank account is the #1 stress reliever.Old Pro
Exercize is the number one way to get rid of stress. It's just hard to make yourself do it when you are stressed. Too easy to say, "I had all the exercise I needed at work today." It takes about 20 minutes of aerobic exercise to start cleaning out the chemical by-products of stress. I have read that the only ways to get rid of them are to cry them out, piss them out or sweat them out and that if you test sweat when a person has been understress, it really does have the chemicals that adrenalin breaks down into.
I had a high-stress job for years; loved it, thrived on it - but I could step outside anywhere, light up a good Cuban cigar, and turn it off like a light-switch. I could also sleep anywhere, including on an airplane, at any time (my internal clock died long ago), for a good sleep or a power-nap.
Phill Giles
The Unionville Woodwright
Unionville, Ontario
Letting go at the end of the day?
Watch me do it right about...
...now.
There is this Thai restaurant in town named PHUKET. At the end of the day the whole crew would just go there to have some Thai food.
Tom
Maybe this will get delted WTH, but my uncle (in-law deceased) was in Thailand & Burma working the railroad during WWII. One of his favorite sayings was he spent WWII laying Thais.