wife looks to inherit baby grand piano from sister. It is the one she learn how to play on and has been in the family a while. I do not want this in the house as none of my boys know how to play and I don’t like how much space it will take up!! 6′ x 6′ minimum.
I understand the sentimental value that she has and all that but do you think this would be a valuable bargaining chip? IF so what should I ask for…….
Your suggestions…… I am looking for something more than a roll in the hay. I can get that anytime. Besides that is a given.
*** please excuse my fat fingers….delima should have been spelled dilemma.
Edited 1/7/2008 2:25 am ET by Ebe
Replies
Be gracious, be supportive and ask for nothing. It will reap benefits that you couldn't possibly get by asking and bartering.
You know its going to show up, so you might as well pretend that you like the idea.
Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
What I failed to tell everyone that this is just another straw and I am not going to work this for something unreasonable. I have given up shop space basically what little room I did have for a pantry for her, I have given up hunting for her as she stated after we were married and that she wasn't fond of guns.
fishing has been limited to finish work on "her" house.
I am just wondering where I draw the line....
We have a strong relationship and I was just curious as to what some of you would think. We have been married for 13 years. so have accepted each other for who/what they are.
I will eventually give in ......when the time is right.
*** Sister is still living .....just doesn't want it any more after she just did her remodel at her house.
thanks to everyone I got some good perspective out of this, especially some of you with longer relationships than I.
now who wants to go to MPLS/ St Paul and help load it. Will guarantee a great meal when all is said and done.
Glad you're still with us and "hearing".
As outsiders we do not know the whole story. Granted. But, please go back and read your opening statements and "listen" to yourself.
You have to think about how your thoughts and words might be percieved by others.
It was not good, especially the part about the"hay". To me, anyways. Hope it all works out.
bum
...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...Be kind to your children....they will choose your nursing home....aim low boys, they're ridin' shetland ponies !!
Edited 1/7/2008 9:52 pm by oldbeachbum
"What I failed to tell everyone that this is just another straw and I am not going to work this for something unreasonable. I have given up shop space basically what little room I did have for a pantry for her, I have given up hunting for her as she stated after we were married and that she wasn't fond of guns."I know what you should bargain for:You need to make this your last deal. Instead of dealing, you guys need to start treating each other like you want to be treated yourself. I wouldn't live in a relationship where we bargained for things that made us happy. I'm now on the other posters bandwagon that suggested counseling. I thought you made the original post as a joke, now I see you are serious. Yikes! That's a sad way to live. Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
I did post this in "Jest" but I guess it has been taken out of context a little.
Yes.....she will get the piano without a doubt. It never crossed my mind .... at least not for long that she wouldn't get it. It is just a matter of how and when.
and the "roll in the hay" remark was in poor taste on my part so I apologize to those who may have been offended. I was just trying to eliminate the typical "guy" remarks.
I never thought so many would chime in on this one.
Okay, then my first impressions were right. I don't think the roll in the hay was over the top at all even though we are in the general discussion area. The mods will bump it if they think it's too racy.I'm not surprised that it got so much attention. The osb vs plywood threads get boring after awhile.I am curious though. How tight are the quarters. St Buck mentioned that his house wouldn't fit it and that certainly would be the trump card in many smaller houses. I know I wouldn't be moving my couch out to put the baby grand in if I had to sit on that hard bench to watch the ballgame. I was a little disturbed to see that you had to quit hunting. How do you eat meat now? Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
I actually disagree with most of the others ...
surprise ... anyways ...
we live in a very small house with kids that get bigger each day ...
so no way a baby grand would come here. and if we "inherited" one ... it'd sit in the garage till we sold it!
but ... if we had room ... and I wanted no part of it ...
I'd have no part of it.
one way or the other.
she wants it ... let her figure it all out.
where's it gonna fit, honey?
how U gonna get it here?
who's gonna tune it?
hell ... when I wanna go buy an old bike she's not the one humping it up the guys cellar stairs!
not everything has to be done as a happily married couple ...
and bringing more #### into the house certainly isn't one of them.
fine ... yer sister has an old piano ... let me know how that works out for ya.
Jeff
Buck Construction
Artistry In Carpentry
Pittsburgh Pa
Spoken like a mature husband. Bravo!
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."
~ Voltaire
Mature? hahahaI just got my azz handed to me a few times in my life....I learned the hard way. Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
I thought that's how maturity happened!
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."
~ Voltaire
ITA with jim. add to his reasons that the reasons she wants it are stronger than the reasons you don't. if you do get your way, you could do permanent damage to your relationship.
Move it into your bedroom, put some six foot legs on it so it'll straddle the bed, then tell her to sit on top of a step ladder to play it. That way, you'll hardly notice it.
Or you can add on a music room. But you want to know if you should negotiate sometime for yourself before going along with putting that baby elephant in the house, right?
I'd start with that boat you've always wanted to see in the driveway and settle for a nice motorcycle in the garage, carefully parked in front of your car. Or whatever you'd like but definitely go for it.
Start with something more than what you really want...and be serious about it. It's an excellent opportunity to grab some more recreational freedom or some new space for a shop or whatever.
What Jim says in post #2.
How long have you been married? Love her still? Then what's the problem? Space? You can always make more unless you live in an aprtment.
Have you ever wanted "something" so bad that you could just........(fill in your thing here)? Well , she probably feels that way because of the memories. Spoil her, indulge her. LOVE her and do it FOR her. She gave you children, didn't she?
""a roll in the hay. I can get that anytime. Besides that is a given.""
Tsk, tsk, man. That's no attitude. I've been married longer than you've been alive and I can't understand THAT statement. Nor would I wish to hear that attitude from my sons-in-law or my son.
Sorry to sound ornery, but sheeesh! Remember, you asked for input.
...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...Be kind to your children....they will choose your nursing home....aim low boys, they're ridin' shetland ponies !!
well said...
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming<!----><!----><!---->
WOW!!! What a Ride!Forget the primal scream, just ROAR!!!
I think he should post his Q over at 'Cooks Talk' ;-)
if he doesn't like our plan...
he ain't gonna care at all for their's at all....
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming<!----><!----><!---->
WOW!!! What a Ride!Forget the primal scream, just ROAR!!!
"tsk, tsk, man. That's no attitude. I've been married longer than you've been alive and I can't understand THAT statement. Nor would I wish to hear that attitude from my sons-in-law or my son."Sorry to sound ornery, but sheeesh! Remember, you asked for input.Right on. I think that kind of talk makes one come off as selfish and the kind of person that doesn't do something unless they get something back.
BTW, I didn't see any mention of the brand or age of piano. If it's a Steinway in the 30-40 year old range it's probably worth $25,000 or more.
You could always do like Frank Lloyd Wright and put it so the paino cantilevers out over a stairwell! (Sound might not be so great, but what the hey!)
ebe...... find a teacher and sign up for some lessons... even if you just learn to play the scales... your wife will appreciate it
i'd get rid of a couch to make room for the baby
it sounds like a male -dominated household.... your wife could maybe use some reinforcements... like a baby grand from her childhood..
you know... before she signed on with you and the boys ?
I thought a "baby grand" was a hundred-dollar bill.
Shows what I know.
Forrest
if so, then ebe lives in the teeny-tiniest house ever.
Ebe
Know when to win battles and when to lose gracously.. this is one of those lose gracously times..
You might win without damage if you do the following, make a carboard cut out of the piano bring it home and have her figure out either that it won't fit as you suspect or she'll find someplace you hadn't thought of..
Piano's are real important to women.. If you deny her that piano be prepared to give up something equally as important to you.. Like fishing ? Give up your boat.. Like hunting? Give that up..
It's that sort of important to women..
With the cutout don't forget to include the bench, and space it appropriately.
If your view never changes you're following the wrong leader
Is it possible that the reason for the angst is that he's giving up the space he had reserved for that big screen TV?
If your view never changes you're following the wrong leader
Everything in the house is the wife's, and it's up to her to decide what stays and what goes. It's been this way since we crawled into caves.
Suggest that she trade it for a nice studio upright. If she doesn't go for that then remember that it's her house.
DanH
There is also something called an upright grand.. basically take the grand piano sized companants and puts them vertically.. big sound from a compact space a fair number of churches used them. Lost poplarity by the 1940's to upright painos but a few were converted to honky tonk piano's by putting thumbtacks in the hammers.. The sound of an upright grand thus converted is a much deeper and richer sound than a simple upright with the same thumb tack treatment..
No piano, no hay.
What blue, oldbeach, and other said.
Not a 'bargaining chip', just do it.
Well, OK, you could build onto the shop the same time you build the new music room?
RE: build the new music room -- not joking, you need to do that for her at a minimum.
Edited 1/7/2008 11:01 am ET by junkhound
It seems this piano has a double value;
One she learned to play on it
Two she is inheriting it fom sister ( I take it sister has passed on)
There is no trade here, you need to do your best to find a place for it even if it means bumping out a bay in the living room (nice six sided atrium). We have an upright I would love to get rid of no one plays the thing but it has been hers since childhood and I have given up, even rebuilt the Mantel on the fireplace to make it fit against the wall.
True story. Just last night it came up, we were watching a Home Time eposide I taped, before going to bed. She stayed awake for it because it caught her interest. It was about a music room for a grand a couple was having done. I said "all that for a piano" she said "remember all the places we put mine till you tore the mantel apart to make it fit".
I felt proud. That moment right there was the trade my man, nothing traded no you get that I get this. It was five years ago and that moment last night was the big pay off.
Also have you asked your boys if they want to paly it (they might be good at it). My sisters got leasons one got the piano, I never did and I still regret it.
WallyO
I like the cutout idea get a appliance box go over and trace the thing and help her figure out where to place it.
My dad's mother got into landscape painting when she grew older, trying her best to take magazine photos and turn them into the real deal. Of course she had her paintings framed and sent them to her son as birthday and Christmas gifts. My sister and I got smaller versions.
She was a sweet old lady with a lot of wisdom and a great sense of humor but her eyesight wasn't real sharp so her paintings lacked depth and other signs of life. Nonetheless, they gradually took over the house, one wall after another.
It was like living partly in someone else's dream. It was an minor imposition but dad didn't see it that way so there was some mild, unspoken resentment about living in a gallery of that nature.
I suspect that living with a baby grand in the middle of the living room could cause more resentment unless you negotiate something of equal significance for yourself.
We are talking about one baby grand not a hundred paintings by a bad artist.What resentment is one piano going to cause. Now if Aunt fredia dies and leaves the upright and cousin Fred's organ that is too much. Get real and drop the selfishness.
Hey Wally...how's the beaver been treatin' ya lately? ;-)
You don't need to be crude. But since asked, this weekend was more then satisfying.Just to throw out one more thing Ebe has never stated what shape it is in.Does it look like it has been through two floods while stored in the grange hall basement or is it nice and shiny, on a scale of one to ten what shape is it in Ebe?
Is it the piano that has resentment or the sister?WallyoSomehow that scene from The Fabulous Bakerboys keeps popping in my head. More crude jokes to follow......Edited 1/7/2008 2:54 pm ET by wallyo
Edited 1/7/2008 3:02 pm ET by wallyo
There is another option, depending on the condition of the piano and you're personal preferences: Gift it to your church or school or local Sons of Norway group. It will get used and appreciated (though possibly abused), and you can go to visit from time to time.
If your view never changes you're following the wrong leader
It is in very good shape .....for the most part. This is the kicker. You guys/gals are gonna love this.
She helped refinish it when she was younger....and this is why she is getting first chance at this.
You say "first chance". Is there someone else in the family that would accept it "on loan" until you have enough room?
If your view never changes you're following the wrong leader
Well, one of our nephews has offered the original owner/still alive to buy it. But the original owner would rather see my wife have it for free.
This could get to be a very long story...
Wally, You must be a youngster, not to have heard of "The Beaver". He's a famous TV character from the 50's whose TV brother's name was Wally. That show is still playing in re-runs on some cable channel or other.
There were a number of lines from that show which gained humorous double meanings when beaver became a slang term, starting in the early sixties.
47. Have not heard that tease in a long time so my mind rolled to the gutter. Thanks for your clearification. Now back to that scene from the Fablious Baker Boys who was that on the paino?WallyoTransplanted New Jerseyian
Michelle Pfeiffer.......oh yeah!...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...Be kind to your children....they will choose your nursing home....aim low boys, they're ridin' shetland ponies !!
Now back to that scene from the Fablious Baker Boys who was that on the paino?
Beau Bridges with the truly fabulous Michelle Pfeiffer as Susie Diamond.
I'm not gonna go along with the others that say just go along with it without question. If the thing gets moved in and you resent it, this will be an ongoing problem for a LONG time to come. I think it would be better to be honest with her about how you feel NOW and try to work out what's gonna happen. Otherwise this will just be hanging out there, waiting to be brought up as a point of conflict. Head off the trouble NOW, before it happens.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Wow..what is with the 'if you get something, then I have to get something too'????. It is not like she went out and made some big purchase that tapped the family funds. She inherited something from her childhood.
Also, this is not just a thing..it is a piece of her past. Would'nt you like to listen to your wife play the piano? C'mon now. Man up and let your girl be happy with some memories.
sorry, but you asked :)
Going back to read the original post again I think there is more than just the piano as an issue here.
Control and respect (or lack of it) seem to be the underlying theme.
The boys might enjoy it, but I don't think Ebe is going to be neutral there. At least, not enough to let them feel comfortable enough to even explore the option.
It's more than furniture, that's for sure. If he's looking for reinforcement and for some of us to take sides, then I'm with the lady of the house, based on how he presented the matter.
...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...Be kind to your children....they will choose your nursing home....aim low boys, they're ridin' shetland ponies !!
The cutout ideas are excellent.You're GOING to have the piano in the house, so I'd make the cutouts, hand them to your wife and tell her "these are the size of the piano and bench, figure out where you want to put it." This accomplishes several things: (1) you know in advance where the beast is going; (2) you know what you have to move to accommodate it; (3) it shows acceptance on your part and (4) she has to decide how to deal with it -- which is fair, IMO, as it's something she's inherited.I suggest using Masonite and some 2x2s for height, so you also get an idea of how you're going to have to get it where it's going.Pay a piano mover to move it. If they drop it, the wifely wrath will not be directed at you. Plus, they have insurance.Leon
Hey folks,
Methinks we are speaking to the wind. Ebe asked a question, didn't seem to like the responses and hasn't seen fit to get back to any of us, judging by the unread messages.
Time to hang out "The Patient is Out" sign?
...or he's busy moving the piano IN ;)...The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. -Mark Twain...Be kind to your children....they will choose your nursing home....aim low boys, they're ridin' shetland ponies !!
Get a flat screen tv and set it in the lid. Make it a hideaway so people don't know of it. Easier with a upright with the tv on a slide system, but worth a try.
By the way I would not want it either.
Thanks for your support.
That isn't such a bad idea..... but I will give it a twist like maybe a work bench on top instead of a flat screen. Just kidding.
Women always want to stick useless sh!d out in the middle of functional space.
be a chair no one sit's inPeace out.
I feel your pain man, but this is one of those no-win situations. From my experience (37 years of marriage), about all you can do is hope that her attachment is less than you think - or that she might eventually decide that it takes up too much space, or doesn't really look that good with the other furniture, or ...............
Having been thru a bit of counseling, I would also add that this may be about issues beyond sentimental attachment to childhood memories. How well do you and she agree on other things? Sometimes this kind of thing is really about control.
Whatever you do, however, be honest with her about your feelings. Telling her that you think that it's a great idea is probably even worse than throwing a fit and trying to forbid her from taking it.
We agree on most everything.... she completes most of my sentences and I hers.
so it is not a matter of the state of our marriage or any underlying circumstances. I know this is a piece of her and that she wants it and will get it.
I was just curious if anyone thought I could use it to regain my shop, maybe a few tools, a new truck. I am typically not a material person and would like to see her have the piano.
Shoot, I would love to give her her own piano wing onto the house but the yard is too narrow.
"she completes most of my sentences and I hers."
yeah ... us too.
'cept ... it's usually ....
"ahh shaddup ..."
love is grand.
Jeff Buck Construction
Artistry In Carpentry
Pittsburgh Pa
No the piano is "grand". The love is much better than that.
I am toying with the idea of when I give in to her, I thought I should maybe give her some sheet music like "Silence is golden" Just kidding.
Better than the CD I got from an ex GF...... "Alone at Last"
They can't get your Goat if you don't tell them where it is hidden.
Mostly good advice thus far. My initial reaction was this is a building discussion and he seems to need to call Dr Laura for advice. Then start building.
That was so funny and so true.
You can't live without them and you can't live with them.I agree, the house is the property of the woman. When I lived on the lake, I built myself a grand barn and loved that barn as much as I loved life. I went from having no square footage to MORE square footage. It was beautiful but I found out that I only need about 20 sf LOL!It's important that the man's space be physically segregated from the main house or it all gets annexed. I also didn't allow any spiders, bugs, mice or other assorted critters to be killed, trappen, moved or otherwise assaulted or harassed. They were my guards. The posts about simmering resentments are valid but in the end, it don't matter. Simmer away as you stare at that big beautiful piano! Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
or it all gets annexed
Not so, I actually 'possess' 2/3 of the basement and 2/3 of my study/upstairs 'lab'.
When the kids moved out 20 years ago I gradually got back some drawers in the study (just this last year) <G>
You sound like a real sensitive and considerate husband. Not. I don't look at everything my wife wants to do that I disagree with as a potential bargaining chip.
Mike
man...
I learned alot and continue to learn from my dad... I try to repete to other what he's told me often "as my daddy would say" "my dad told me" "well my dad always said"
maybe it's a southern thing... "my daddy use to say"...my daddy use to say"
anyway... just so credit is given... I one of 3 boys... one of 5 if u count my dad and the dog... there was only one rule in our house growing up.... honest... as far as i know... we had one rule.... laid down by my dad...
"boys you know what you can do... and what you can't do... if it's going to upset your momma... you can't do it..." end of rules...
if you momma is happy we'll all be happy... if you upset your momma... you pizz me off... and you don't want me pizzed off...
even as an 8yo i understood...
just for the record... i'm the one in our house that brought home the baby grand... a 1932 emersom... no one plays but i like it... in fact i built a curved wall in our place at the loft project in the entry area... that "fits" it...
p