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or the one about one of my customers who called for a roof estimate, i guess i must of been to high as his brotherinlaw came one saturday and helped him diy. when the problems started he called for a professional opinion.sorry bout his luck huh!
well he told me that the wrapper said self sealing shingles, and as it was a 4/12 pitch they layed them all out carefully and was pretty proud until the wind hit them monday morning! none the less he never questions my pricing now!!!
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or the one about one of my customers who called for a roof estimate, i guess i must of been to high as his brotherinlaw came one saturday and helped him diy. when the problems started he called for a professional opinion.sorry bout his luck huh!
well he told me that the wrapper said self sealing shingles, and as it was a 4/12 pitch they layed them all out carefully and was pretty proud until the wind hit them monday morning! none the less he never questions my pricing now!!!
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I have a good one....
A good friend of mine..who will remain nameless...
needed new roofing on his residence [northern california hillside] He has..4x8 rafters...with 2x6 t and g roofing..with no insulation...on the roof. There was also no overhang on the facia...
I gave him..a quote for doing it the right way...3 1/2" Tech Foam...2x4 sleepers..built out fascia..roofing...etc...etc...
He decided...that I was too high...and he would...get his gardener...to run the roofing...
without the...tech foam / fascia / etc....
He also decides...that..November is a good time to open er up.....
I get a call at 5:30 in the morning..The rain is pounding...the wind is howling........Client on phone..."David....I ******* up. And he proceeds to tell me his long sad tale...
Needless to say...at 10 in the morning...howling storm...I was on the roof...long pitch 9 / 12..Protecting and tarping...
I billed him double for hazardous duty pay..and have NEVER let him hear the end of it...
David Nickelson
*Spent hours with a client, finding the perfect wallpaper - price was no object and she was determined she was going to have nothing but the best. Of course, the "best" in wallpaper is generally, screen printed and unpasted. The paper arrives, and I know that hanging an unpasted paper is difficult if you're not used to it. I inquire, "Mrs R. do you need a paper hanger?" "Oh no, my husband always does our papering" He did, and he did a brilliant job - no paste on the surface, seams were all but invisible. Only problem was the vining pattern was growing straight down the wall. Poor guy hung the entire room upside down. To this day, I don't know if they ever noticed and no, coward that I am, I didn't ever mention it.CheersLinda
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Awright how bout a stupid carpenter story?
My high school buddy, Billy, started in the trade about 3 years earlier than me. He was quite proud of his nailing ability. He was also a top notch bullshitter.
One day he was bragging to my brother that he could drive an 1 3/4" roofing nail home with one hit. That's right, one hit! Of course my brother wanted to see this.
So he went over to the window sill, grabbed a roofing nail, cocked his 20 OZ. rocket and promptly split his fingers wide open!
No the nail was not set!
Blue
*I occasionally hang paper, and I learned on my first job that one person's up is another person's down. The "up" would have to be obvious to a three year old before I wouldn't check to be sure which way is "up" to the client.Sometimes not knowing right from left,Rich Beckman
*Blue My partner & I once got into somewhat of a nail driving race while installing several rooms of 1/2'' cement backer board. With a handful of nails in my left hand and a 20oz. plumb in my right I got into a smooth rythym, flip the head upright. one lick to set the nail then one hard one to drive it home .I was on a pace that would have made a pre coilnail roofer envious when I took a quick glance across the room to see if I was leading the race and somehow got out of sync .The next thing I knew I had driven a 1 3/4'' roofing nail in one lick [thru my middle finger ] tacking it snugly to the floor.Needless to say I conceded defeat. Not as stupid as I used to be Chuck
*Had just passed the rough elect and plumbing inspection, and went and installed the interior shear plywood for shear panels on the first floor. (2x6 walls w/1/2 CDX on both sides; lots of windows)Noticed water all over the floor near one wall. Cut out some shear, and finally found it. Turns out a nail from the exterior shear had punctured a pipe and actually sealed it. After the interior shear was done it worked loose and leaked.Had the plumber in. He cut out the hole, pushed the offending nail out, replaced the section of 1 1/2 inch copper.Closed up interior, all was set.Two weeks later, crew comes by to do siding. Whoops, there's a nail not all the way in...we can fix that! Yep. Plumber didn't remove the nail, just pushed it out.
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Not a joke, but this squirrell is driving me NUTS! First, he heckles me throughout the ecavation and foundation process. Apparently, I disturbed his "hole". Then, while I was doing the roofing, the oversized rodent decided he liked it inside the house. So we closed up the soffits ASAP. Small problem... He stayed inside hidden in the crawl space.
I have tried numerous traps and have finally bought an expensive steel trap (he chews thru the wooden ones, screwed down to the floor, even). This has become a vendetta. I'm heading out with my .22 Marlin loaded with birdshot....
I'm gonna get that wascally squirrel....heh heh eh heh
Update later... with my new squirrel cap...
*I was supervising a project installing granite stone in huge blocks. One block weight 76,000lbs. The contractor had to get a larger crane and had to schedule with the DC police to get it into town with out disrubpting traffic as well as schedule the stone to be delivered. All went well on the morning of installation. The crane was in place, the stone had arrived on time, the media was there to document history, the contractor was videoing the whole production. The stone gets lifted off the trailer and hoisted over to the location with the stainless steel dowels, and sets it back down. Every one is realived. Ten minutes later they go to set the second stone which was a mere 40,0000 lbs. and it doesn't fit. I see the stone forman looking at the drawings and has his tape measure out there. Come to find out they installed the giant stone in the wrong place. So, they rig the big one back up lift it up re drill the holes and set it back down. Funny think was no one bothered to video this process. So all the historical footage that was shot an hour earlier is going to actually be wrong.
*
We were trimming out a bunch of bang 'em out tract homes, and a woman approached me for a job.
During a short interview, she made it quite obvious that the guys on the crew would not be the slightest distraction to her, cause she wasn't wired that way.
I thought, this would be good for my overtly sexist crew, so I gave her a shot.
I was busy with about 20 sets of stairs, and asked if she could install some kitchen cabinets, islands in particular, in a couple of units down the street. No problem, done a hundred of 'em she sez, and heads off with her cordless drill.
It got to be time to wrap up and strange laughter was rolling out of the last unit. Boys will be boys, I thought, they're playing with the compressor nozzle up their pant legs again.
As I made it down towards the cackles, I could see the kitchen islands through the windows. I figured this gal was fast.
And fast she was, running to her truck with her drill and flying away.
5 units she did that afternoon, all with the toe kicks up and drawers down.
At least the guys weren't playing with the compressor, but they still razz me about my interview techniques.
*
SQUIRRELL UPDATE!
It is official! After numerous efforts and having been outsmarted by the oversized tree rodent using both live and not-so-live traps (rat traps!), I have finally ejected the little squatter.
Had to resort to a $40 "Have-a-Hart" live trap, and even then, it took two tries. (First time he simply stole the cookie. 2nd time around, I wrapped it in soffit screen and wired it above the trap door. He didn't have a chance.)
All bleeding hearts, please stop reading here...
After a final smoke and measuring for the proper shoe box size, I allowed him time to confess his crimes (namely, pooping ALL OVER my new house!). He remained quiet to the end, and his sentence of death by firing squad was carried out promptly. As gruesome as this may seem, he had plenty of warning of my intentions. He knew the risks when he decided to reside in my house, and my threats were not empty. (I don't go along with the current administrations theory of "well, ok. but don't do it again, or else...")
I decide against the cap. His tail is being used instead for tying flies, with which I hope to piss off more greenies by going out and catching a few rainbows...
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Now Jack, you really could have relocated him to a despised neighbor's yard. Admit it, this was about vengeance.
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Jack, great squirrel story.
We had one get down the roof stack into the exhaust fan over the stove. The cats clued us in because they were prowling over the rangetop and growling at the cabinet.
Of course, we didn't know what it was - mouse, rat, possum, goblin, whatever. We disassembled the exhaust fan and taped the cabinet shut with a mousetrap inside. Trap sprung, no victim. Large glue board - indeterminate gray fur sample. We moved up to a rat trap and got some squirrel tail as a sample (then at least we knew what we were dealing with). Eventually a Hav-a-Hart wedged into the cabinet got him. We hauled him outside, the cats are hysterical by this time, springing at the cage and snarling (have you ever seen three REALLY angry 10 pound Siamese?) Then the squirrel p***ed on them and they were REALLY angry. We let the squirrel go in the yard, but we gave him too much of a head start and the cats didn't catch him. The big Siamese tom looked at me in disgust - "you let a perfectly good snack get away."
We saw him around the yard for awhile - he had a big patch of fur missing from the glue board and the rat trap got about 1/2 his tail.
*Who's denying it was vengeance?? It was assasination, oblitiration, and destruction of this particular varmint! If I could've gotten him into a particular neighbors house, you know I would've tried!! ;->Problem solved!
*
My DIY neighbor recently installed sheet vinyl for the newly remodeled bathroom floor. He was so proud of himself...until I pointed at a bump right in the middle of the floor. It was an upside down bottle cap under the vinyl.
I tried and tried, but I couldn't keep myself from laughing!!! He then gave me the stink eye.
*rglison,Great "tale" you had me laughing for days!Jack : )
*Jack, my parents and their friends went in on a hav-a-heart squirell exterminator, too. Passed it all around the neighborhood. Whenever one of the hated varmits got in the box, one of the lucky children got to carry the crate to the back of the family station wagon and put the grill right up against the tail pipe.I learned to start a car when I was 6. I could teach your kids.Never did get completely rid of those bushy tailed rats, but I'll bet that trap is still making the rounds.
*I guess the NAME of the product is lost on y'all.Haven't killed anything beyond arthropods, AD
*And you killed them, because.....????? They were bugging you?
*... because they (carpenter ants) were munching my house and did not respond to polite requests to relocate. I -suppose- I could have cut the entire wall section out and moved the colony to the wild, or at least a neighbor's yard, but not even I am that nice.Other bugs ... well, it was my wild youth, and it seemed fun to pour gasoline into & set fire to fire anthills... Now, tell me a good way to kill mosquitoes and I'll be the mosquito-Rambo. :)
*Put 'em on this site in a dress and let Damage Control flame 'em. Crispy critters!
*Don't know why, but ants have always come intothe bathroom in February. It's usually cold andsnowy in the Midwest, but somehow or other theants would come in from outside. This never reallybothered me, as I was then a bachelor. My reasoning was, "They're little. They don't eat much." Then I got married, and much to my disappointment, was expected to abandon my live-and-let-live bachelor attitudes. My wiferepeatedly chided me to do something about ourFebruary ants. Since they went away after a fewweeks, I quietly decided to do nothing about itdespite repeated requests. Then, late one Februaryafternoon, I arrived home from work and was immediately informed by my wife that our ants hadevolved or mutated into super-intelligent insects."Look in the bathroom", she said. Upon walkinginto the bathroom, I was stunned to see a black,writhing mass of ants whose bodies spelled "ED"( my name ). "What the heck is goin' on here ?",I called to her. After she stopped laughing, I was told that she had put down grains of sugar in a pattern which would "teach" the ants how to spell, and as an added bonus, would teach me to comply with her wishes in a more timely fashion. And so far, no ants this year ...
*When your wife is in league with the ants, you're in trouble. Why are they attracted to the bathroom? Get a can of spray foam and seal the entries. As for your wife's sense of humor... (grin)
*Andrew, I think it was because there's usually a bit ofthawing here in February. Last summer I found an anthill near the spot where the sewer pipe is buried.My guess is that the thawing and any warmth from thesewer pipe rouses the ants from hibernation for a while. I read recently where they need water whenthey wake up. If the ground is mostly frozen andsnow-covered, they have to look for liquid waterelsewhere ( i.e., in our bathroom ). BTW, I took care of the ant hill last summer with some Diazonon.
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Andrew,
Here in the wilds of Alaska, sometimes you gotta kill them before they kill you. You'd be safer if you stayed down south (anywhere below the Yukon). Probably in some city housing projects where they have more guns than we do up here?
I certainly didn't mean to offend any squirrell luvvers out there, but I deal with each particular as it arises, and if that means a little gorilla warfare (pun), then I am well up for it!
Question: What's more valued, the life of one weasley over grown tree rat, or my $150k investment.
I didn't bother to tell you what I did prior to getting the trap, did I? The bastard made his way into one of my scrap/burn barrels. So I made an innovative use of his hiding spot. I slammed a piece of 1/2" ply on it, and started a fire in another burn barrell.
The idea was to have a little barbecued squirrel, a delicacy in Kentucky. I turned the scrap barrel upside down over the burn barrel, and ripped off the ply.
That squirrel went in with the scrap wood, but he shot his little flamin' behind outta there like a bottle rocket! I thought would teach him to give me some leeway, but apparently the sucker was into livin' dangerously!
*
Geez, the Alaskans are like the new Texans.
You're just jealous of a creature with more moxie.
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After 35 years in Construction you eventually come to the conclusion that when you think you've seen it all, along comes a better one.
A company that I was representing, was doing the supply and installation of the kitchen cabinets and I was there to check on the progress.
The owners wife asked me for suggestions as to hiring drywall installers. I gave you a couple of names to try out but when I suggested the name of some tapers, she indicated that her husband,who was an accountant, told her that he would do that portion of the contract on his own on weekends.
A month passes and I visit the site to check on the progress and the lady meets me at the door and asks if I still had the name of the tapers, her husband had decided that the job was bigger than he had anticipated.
I entered the bathroom, the only room that he had taped and damn near fell over. He had taped the ceiling and wall using pink toilet paper, after all what's the difference between one taping paper and another!
I know you have seen similar misuse of construction technology,
How about it?
Gabe Martel GSC
Project Manager
*How about the one where the previous owner of the house used saran wrap as a membrane in the tiled shower...The college professor--he worked for a tileman one summer, he knew it all--cut the shower pan membrane to the exact measurements of the floor. Then he nailed it down with roofing nails every 6".Or, and this guy was a retired GC, using 5/8" drywall as the rough top for his kitchen countertops. What do you mean it's sagging? What do you mean the tiles are popping loose?Or, the guy who built himself an interior benchseat in front of the bedroom baywindow. The skimpy 2x4" framing didn't include support for the 1/4" ply nailed down with 16d sinkers. Boy, oh boy, I sure wouldn't sit on it.The neighbor DIY who hung the verticle slider as a casement, on accident.The sub on the job who mortised all the doors on BOTH jambs.The DIY--used to work for a utility company--who ran scrap wire to energize his workshop. Red to green to black to red to yellow to white. All bare splices inside the wall and different gauge wire on the same leg. At the box was a hot green #10, for a 15 A circuit.The guy who installed 6 opening skylights facing the wrong way. Didn't notice until it rained one night.I used to think I had seen it all. Now I don't hold my breath waiting to see the next foible.