*
I thought I’d heard ‘m all but somebody’s always waiting to suprise me with one – you know, like……
Aw, the painter can fix it.
Looks good from my house!
Oh! You meant today?
*
I thought I’d heard ‘m all but somebody’s always waiting to suprise me with one – you know, like……
Aw, the painter can fix it.
Looks good from my house!
Oh! You meant today?
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Replies
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I had a sub that had a reputation for being really good, and I wanted him for my job. I chased him for his insurance up until the day he came to do the job. When I mentioned that I hadn't received his binder yet, he finally said about insurance "Aw, I don't get into that stuff."
Another one -- (true story, but maybe I'm just showing my ignorance that I'm surprised by this). I was cleaning up the site one day for the weekend, and found an old bucket with sand, and some human -- what shall I say -- waste inside it (NOT number 1). When I asked the foreman about it, he said it was no big deal, and is done on many sites. When asked why he didn't use the bathroom, he said "it takes too much time." I told him I'd pay for his time.
Sorry if that was a little too gross for people, but it was true!
*This 80 year old welder was the only one in the area that could repair the casing on a commercial mortiser at the plant and when I brought him the piece, I asked him how soon he could have it ready.He looks at his calendar and says, "let me see, March, April, May, June, July, how about tomorrow?Gabe
*Bill,I prefer to dig a shallow hole instead..
*Piffin, "Caulking, like a woman's skirt, covers a multitude of sins" Retired hardware store owner told me that one time.Mike
*I used to work with an old-timer at a government facility. One day a tour group from the ministry walks through the shop. The deputy minister turns to the old-timer and asks " How many people work here?" The old-timer looks at him and says flatly " oh, about half of them"
*the timber framer who made good finger joints in his work...you could fit fingers IN the joints!
*Years ago I took some chrome parts to a plating company. When I went to pick them up they were absolute junk. Pits, bent, buffed off the square edges, pretty much ruined. Answer to my complaint was i "Well, you didn't tell me you wanted them to come out right."That was my only experience with plating. Joe H
*putty & paint makes it what it ain'tit'll be ready the second thursday next week
*Hell yeah I want it today, if I wanted it tomorrow I'd order it tomorrow!
*old sheetrocker saying: measure cut and do your best, mud and tape will do the rest.
*We stand behind our work, never under it. Skip
*difficult we can do right away- impossible might take a little while
*On a good trim job--look like it growed that way.
*we aient building pianos,cant see it from my houseand when I was working in the shipyards they alway had us fill mis-drilled holes and re-drill so used ta say drill and fill ream and scream. used to talk about made up tools like a cresent hammer (cresent wrench with a hammer welded on it)we used to call butchers, "sledge hammer mechanics"
*Stick this one in your box of lines, I'm sure you'll all find a client that you can use this on."Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."Use wisely.SJ
*"We may not be the fastest, but we're the most expensive."
*heard a guy say to another who was having a hard time driving a nail: "well if ya can't hit it, scare it in."
*Never notice it flying by in a jet at 50,000 feet.
*I hear: "oh, its a standard size"My response in my mind, is to apply that to just about any plumbing, electric, framing or hardware work done within the last 30+ years and I'll get a customer that will want to match it exactly.I hear: "I saw it in this store a month to a year ago, I don't recall the name, manufacturer, dimensions, serial # or model but I know that you've got it"My reply; Could you please be anymore vague? I hear: "you want how much for this"?This is often heard from late night after closing customers that have this utterly stupid look on their face, because they wonder (for example) why they are working on hooking up a new toilet or some old gas stove at 10 PM, so my reply varies. I hear: "where are cheap ones (name just about hand tool)"My reply, something cordial and polite but not what I'd like to say. I'm done venting, have a day.
*Seeing a guy trying to get a flopping tape measure to the top of a tall post I offered to help him lay the post down to make it easier. The response: "No thanks, I need the height not the length."
*"Never enough time to do it right, always enough time to do it over.""Close enough for television""Close enough for government work""If I wanted to send an idiot, I'd go myself."-- J.S.
*In this shop, we use a modified carrot and stick system. It's called "stick."
*"How come this isn't level?""whadya mean, the bubble was between the lines"
*One we hear daily" But I been doing it that way for thirty years" " Sir, you been doing it wrong for thirty years"
*Not really a line, but I keep separate business cards with no phone number or address on them for general pain in the ass types.The verbal equivalent is "lose my number".I once requested vanity license plates for my truck through the state. When I asked for a randon series of letters and numbers they told me they couldn't do it that way.
*Posted on Breaktime a couple of years ago by ?????"It's better than plumb"Rich Beckman
*Rich, Haven't heard that in a long time, seems it was a story posted by someone in a thread about working with morons? Joe H
*I cut it three times and it's still too short. Or from my buddy Dave when told they were out of 2x4's, "do you have any 4x2's?, I'll turn them on their side.
*We do it NICE, because we do it Twice!
*When I nod my head, you hit it!
*> seems it was a story posted by someone in a thread about working with morons?Yeah. The poster was up on the ladder asking the helper on the ground if the board(?) was plumb, and the guy yelled back "It's better than plumb!". Turned out it wasn't plumb at all.I say it often, usually to myself sarcastically, sometimes to others in jest. It still makes me laugh.Rich Beckman
*They stand behind their work. As far behind it as they can get.
*From an old drywaller on some open joints, "Tape is 2 inches wide and mud has no eyes."
*(When measuring 1/16's): "Eighteen and three little ones!"
*looks good at 40 miles per hour.A blind man would love to see the difference
*I used to say that about my last job - at a hoist/crane company...did
*We were doing charity work in rural Latvia (an old Soviet Republic). Very primitive. Our electrician kept referring to our only power tool as the "trim saw" -- which was a chain saw.Same guy had on the back of his business card "the sweetness of a low quote does not outlast the bitterness of poor workmanship"
*"we don't do your kind of work here anymore", heard recently from a friend to one of her subs."I'll never get all of the water outta this hole", heard from my parish priest after he had augered his jigging hole and had to remove some slush and ice chunks, while ice fishing one year. The fish were biting that day too.
*"If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer""Good enough for who it's for - its for you"
*Said to a guy having trouble driving a nail...What kind of hammer is that ya got there? Is that a lightning hammer?...Never strikes in the same place twice...
*Another gem from my long ago tract framing days, referring to some really bad roof cutting, "boy, these rafters fit just like socks on a rooster." Wait there's more, on a long ago remodel, "now you don't have to be so damn picky son, all we're doing here is putting lipstick on a pig."
*A builder I know told me this story.He hired a framer and all went well until he cut the roof.It was way wrong and had to be trashed.The builder ranted and raved at the framer until he was blue in the face. The framer told him "You think I'm a screw-up, YOU hired me".Ed.
*I worked on a job with a painter who said " I'm da ayatollah of da brush and rolla'
*When a customer asks you what kind of gaurantee will they get ? Tell them you'll give them the tail light gaurantee !! When you can't see my tail lights anymore , Gaurantee's over!!!!
*I don't know why he fired me, I wasn't doing anything...
*Hey, What's your problem? It fits where it touches. What else d'ya want?
*My late father in law who was a framing chippie had a couple he passed on to me: "a blind man on a galloping horse with a mouthful of hot jam would be pleased to see it"&"Ya can't make strawberry jam outa pig shit"Don
*There are just two ways to do ________ right. But only the third works.
*Yeah, right waywrong wayand MY WAY!roofer - "It wasn't leaking the day I was there!"on a sunny day
*Do something! Even if it's wrong.The difference between my job and a pro's is just two tubes of caulking.
*I like the line about putting lipstick on a pig. Did that today, I think. Quick story: contractor friend hired a carpenter who claimed to know his stuff. Contractor got more and more aggrevated as the day went on at what this kid couldn't do. Mistakes, misunderstood directions, etc. Near the end of the day the kid was asked to fit a casing to an out-of-plumb wall. Kid asked the boss how he should cut it. "Freehand it with the table saw." Kid goes to the saw (makita portable), looks at for a while, comes back. "What do you mean by freehand with the table saw?" The boss has had it. He storms over, slams the casing down on a plank, turns the tablesaw on, flips it over, and drives it upside-down the length of the board. Then he throws it as far as he can. "THAT'S HOW YOU FREEHAND WITH THE TABLE SAW!" I always think of that story when working with someone new.
*Hope that kid wasn't you, Mike. LOLI was imagining the kid trying to pick up the portable tablesaw and freehanding it down the jamb!
*I got handed a length of timber once that was about 1/2 an inch too long. On being asked to recut it I was told " just bash it in, it'll go"......I dont think so.Another in the 'lipstck on a pig' vein...."like trying to make honey outa dog shit"
*we buy caulk in a fifty five gallon drum with a spray applicatorIf it weren't for idiots, assholes and incompetance my job/life would be a cakewalk!Looks good to me, and you know how fussy I am.Pound a stake in next to him to see if he moves.He's not afraid of hard work, he will curl up right beside it an fall asleep.Beat to fit Paint to matchYou just have to be smarter than the board!!!!!!!!
*Ever ask an electrician how many pairs of Kleins he's got with holes burned in them? Watch his eyes light up!.....about a guy who couldn't make up his mind - Nial one shoe to the floor and watch him wear the other one out while walks around trying to figure out how to get his shoe loose.
*ain't never been outsmarted by no wood!
*Piffin, naw, it wasn't me, but I'm sure I wore the patience of some of my mentors!
*On someone with a half-thought:"In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is king"
*I've certainly had wood before, that obviously caused my brain to stop working.
*there are two ways to do this- the right way & MY way- and generally they are the SAME WAY!!!
*You may not be able to use this line in your work but I nearly hyperventilate when I heard it.The old carpenter was talking about his wife and her eating habits. He ended by saying " she isn't fat but if she were six inches taller she'd be perfectly round"
*ROFLMFAOYou do know, of course, that this one, I am going to steal...b : )
*You've just gotta be smarter than the wood.
*My reply To Phil Eves, just up the line a bit there, works just as well here...b : )
*"Hate it when that happens""That's what she said"
*Two quickies I have not heard from anyone else...From my uncle when I was a young buck with a bad eye for measurements.."What did you measure that with, an umberella?" And from two tilemen who worked together for too long "My wife is an angel" "Lucky you, mine is still alive"
*Heres one for ya, ways back on a large remodel with about 6 different trades on site the super walks up with the client and it was one of those RARE occasions when it was quiet and he says in a LOUD voice "everybody MEASURING?" Best line I stole when asked "how long" My answer- 2 weeks [from the movie "The Money Pit"] Cold cyber BEERS to all GEO
*The two I use the most are That is sweeter than country music or That looks like shit on a white horse Dave
*for something that's hidden in plain view:As lost as a nude in a snowbank
*good enough for the girls I go out with
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View Image"The first step towards vice is to shroud innocent actions in mystery, and whoever likes to conceal something sooner or later has reason to conceal it." Aristotle
*Another guarantee is the 50/50...50 seconds or 50 yards. Tom
*I had an ownere who was a real pushy sort on site trying to get more done faster and suggesting that guys do things that were dangerous. I asked him if he knew what a tailight club was....(hint - it's not a tool_)When he said no, I told him that he was about to join it 'cause if he kept trying to put my mens lives in danger, all he would see of us was tailights going down the road to the next job where we could make a living while alive still. He went home with a new understanding of site conditions.
*just heard this one again for the 100th time:customer: "can you come over and take a look at a job... should only take a day... how much"?
*Heard from a painter: We may be slow, but we do lousy work!
*I heard and have used many times since....How hard can drywall be.... even drywallers can do it!
*I do very good work! I just don't do very much of it!
*One of the wisest things I've ever heard was "There's nothing so permanent as a temporary fix."
*An old-timer in our neighborhood told this story. As a young man, he was working on a big roofing job. The boss yelled up, "ok, how many guys are up up there on the roof?". He yells back, "five". The boss says, "well, half of you come on down".
*Best line I ever heard was from a blacksmith. He was working away on something at his forge and anvil when it became apparent that he'd screwed up. When one of the onlookers asked him why he did what he did he said:"It's an art - I really can't explain it"
*piffin this thread will live forever!! heres another:customer: does this concrete come with any guarantees?concrete guy: yes two guarantees, guaranteed to get hard, and guaranteed to crack.
*It you can't dazzle them with brilliance;baffle them with bullshit.
*"piffin this thread will live forever!! "ya but it seems the antithesis of FINE Homebuilding, eh!
*One that was told to me...after replacing the new part (went bad) with another new part. Upon returning the part and complaining that the new part was bad I was told..."Hey new born babies die too"...Never went back to that store.Or my favorite... What is the only thing two (insert trade here) can agree upon? What the third one is doing wrong.Martin
*In the days of old when I was a kid one of the farm implement dealers used to say We stand behind everything we sell exept our manure spreaders. A laborer that I had occation to work with from time to time would tell the mason he worked with most of the time I'll hold up the wall you go get the check. used to paint cars ,if we would get a run the old guy used to say I'll stand here till they pay you .,or tell them to come pick it up after dark.
*GoodCheapFastPick any two.........
*great guy I used to work with who was a perfectionist would always joke"my motto, speed and economy to sacrifice quality"
*YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*when asked if power tool was in working order the auctioneer replied "worked the last time they used it". I still like that one.
*Our customers' desparation is our greatest asset.
*You just keep digging till I get tired!
*You grunt, I'll lift!
*This shovel handle doesn't fit my hands.
*From a carpenter that had just hit his thumb: Damn, that will sure feel good after it stops hurting.
*Former employee: "Work fascinates me; I could watch it all day.."
*Good enough for who it's for -
*> You grunt, I'll lift!Heck with that....I'll grunt,b youlift!Rich Beckman
*An ounce of appearance is worth a pound of performance.
*rearrange this to fit: "workin hard at hardly workin"
*I once told a co-worker that he over-analyzed too much. He stopped what he was doing ,thought for a while and finally said 'that state ment was redundant'
*you're not a carpenter until you've lost a finger. if you'ver lost more than one finger, you're not a carpenter.
*I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
*Owner: "I'd give half my life to be able to build like that"Carpenter: "I Have!"
*Don't rush me I'll call the hall!Anythings to good for you.
*Some other concrete warranties are fireproof and theftproof
*I have an Uncle who lost his right arm in a farming accident. One of his favorite lines is:"I'm getting old - already have one hand in the grave"
*I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
*"this is too much like work", and I'm not referring to posting here.
*One hand in the bush is better than two birds.
*What's better than roses on a piano..........tulips on an organ.
*The Ford guarantee: "If it breaks, you get to keep both pieces."
*In reference to a major remodeling: "No matter how much you polish a turd, it's still a turd!"Anyone that fixes things up is now known as a "turd-polisher".blue
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I thought I'd heard 'm all but somebody's always waiting to suprise me with one - you know, like......
Aw, the painter can fix it.
Looks good from my house!
Oh! You meant today?