I managed to revise my follow up letter and bio and tried to incorporate all suggestions. My goal was to get it all in two pages….an intro letter and the bio which explains our company.
I noticed when I was done that I was hammering away at several points…production scheduling as well as quality which probably is a good thing. I also noticed that I talked a lot more about how I’m going to benefit the builder….thanks to all your suggestions!
I haven’t managed to get any references into the bio and I’m contemplating creating a separate sheet, but I don’t want to stuff so much info into one envelope. If I try to cram some references into the bio, I would have to reduce something somewhere. If you think the references is important enough to cram, what would you eliminate or condense?
Should I simply include a separate sheet…I’m thinking I might send a separate reference letter a week after this one arrives.
Understand that I will not be sending this letter as a cold call letter, it will only be sent to those that request some info about us.
thanks in advance,
blue
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!
Replies
Oops....Heres the docs.
blue
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. Although I have a lifetime of framing experience, all of it is considered bottom of the barrel by Gabe. According to him I am not to be counted amongst the worst of the worst. If you want real framing information...don't listen to me..just ask Gabe!
Blue,Looks good to me.
Jon Blakemore
Blue-
Not a builder nor a GC
But my feedback anyho.Cover Letter-
Increase the font size of your company name. The address is more prominet than the name. Consider a professional letterhead. Do most of the high-end builders you are trying to woo have a professional letterhead?cover letter, my re-write, if I may be so bold:Thank you for taking our call yesterday. The Birmingham/Bloomfield area is currently exploding with some very exciting upscale building developments and we would like to help you prosper during this upcoming building season. Advanced Construction Concepts, LLC, is a Rough Frame Carpentry subcontracting company with X years of service. Our goal is working with the builder and general contractor to produce top quality frames on time and within budget. To accomplish that goal we employ modern equipment and methods with experience and training. Please feel free to contact me about open spaces in our schedule for packages or individual commintments this upcoming season. We all know how the labor shortage of framing last year hurt schedules and we want to take steps to avoid the same now. You may reach me at the xxx-xxx-xxxx to talk about buisness arangments, set a site visit, and discuss what needs Advanced Construction Concepts can accomplish for your company in the new year.We at Advanced Construction Concepts look forward to assisting you!Please call me at (586) 292-7974 to schedule a convenient time to meet.Sincerely,Jim Allen------
So hope hope that helps with some ideas. If not, we all know where the ignore key is.
-Steve
http://www.lukeworks.com
Feedback on your resume page:I still think you need to capitalize the "a" and "c" in your name.you wrote..
This combination delivers the highest quality product in the tightest framing schedule. Tight schedules and high quality produce the highest possible profit margins for you.i suggest..
This combination delivers the highest quality product in the tightest framing schedule which allows the highest possible profit margin for you.you wrote
exceptional and natural carpentry skills.
remove the "and"
He easily transferred his precision skills that he honed from his tool and die experience (i would add) and has been a great asset to A.C.C.Modern efficient air equipment is further enhances the production schedule
Modern efficient air equipment further enhances the production scheduleI would also add: References Available
Thanks again Steve. I'll make the necessary changes. I'm finalyzing the reference page...it should be done tomorrow. That should be a field day too.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Thank you Mr Steve!
Your rewrite reads much better, yet says the same thing.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Blue,
Looks pretty good. Some pictures might help. But I think you have enough there, to open the door. If it doesn't work, I might be able to find something for you, up here in the UP. Pretty long ride in a Lull though :)
Kind of enjoying the lack of calls this time of year. Would be nice to line up a spring start pretty soon though. Building seems to be slowing down a bit here. Glad, I don't have a crew depending on me for their living, right now. It's usually pretty easy to keep one man busy.
Brudoggie
Brudoggie...are you in the UP or Wisconsin, or both?
Working alone has it's benefits....you never have anyone to lay the blame on though. I'll bet you have figured out a lot of clever ways to install things...out of necessity!
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Blue, I live in Wisconsin, but I'm only a few miles from the UP. Basicaly just two side of the Menominee river. Was born and raised in Iron Mountain, if you've ever heard of that. Spent a couple of years in Mt. Pleasant, at CMU in the '80s. My family, has been involved in the building industry up here ,for over 100 years. Mostly retail lumber and milling. I'm the first fool to actually assemble the materials for a living!Only been alone for about a year. Since the last employee quit. (they all seem to do that) Guess, I'm tough to work for! Actually had my wife help me do a few concrete pours this year. She's pretty good at raking it out. She tried her hand at wheeling it once, but gave that up pretty quick. Got to go throw a log or two in the stove, it's going below zero, for a few days. Have a good one! Brudoggie
Your comments about working alone resonated with me. Concrete would be my weak area, although I am comfortable with footers and walls. At slabs, I would only be a hack.
I just fed the stove too. We heat by wood stove from November until March. Usually, the last week of December and the first two weeks of January are the chilliest with the most ice.
We have a lot of ice right now. I'm glad I'm not up in Wisconsin or Michigan at this time of year. I spent about a week in Minot, ND about eleven years ago. Now that was cold! I went out jogging and had to turn around when I ran into a ten foot wall of white. It was a snow drift in a residential neighborhood.
Edited for spelling mistakes.
Edited 1/13/2005 8:38 pm ET by Les
Jim,
I proof read it and made some suggestions. It is easiest to attach it back to ya.
SamT
sam.. i couldn't open blue's attachments..
and here's what your's looks like..
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what i gotta load to see these things ?.. hah, hah, hahMike Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Mike,
I had to save it to the HD and open it from thetre.
It is a Word Perfect 5.0 for Dos file saved as a *.doc file. Maybe MSWord for win3.11.
Ok I saved it as a MSWord 97 .doc and attached it. It may be a bear to figure out whaty Blue said originally, cuz I marked it up for typos and suggestions. Read my note at the bottom first.
SamT
Sam, thanks for taking the time to add so much more quality to that doc.
I'll resave the docs to see if I can recreate your recreation. I have the worst word processor programs!
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
first thots on a quick read thru ...
I agree ... increase the name font ...
name's more important than the addy ....
also noticed the font on the top and bottom are different ...
guessing U did the second one to be more "readable" ... I'd see how upsizing the beginning helps ... would be better if both are the same ...
late .. tired ... hope this makes sense.
Jeff
Jeff
Buck Construction
Artistry in Carpentry
Pgh, PA
Blue,
I have mentioned this before, but maybe you didn't read the posts.
I created a promotional CD that I pass around. They are as cheap as candy. The CDs contain pictures of projects I have worked on. They also have some sample AutoCAD drawings I have done and some other documents, two of which I will attach and which you might be able to adapt for builders and for your niche.
I keep a folder on my computer that I update regularly and add things. You can get a lot of information on a CD, and you can send them or hand them out or just leave them lying around.
Les, the promotional CDs sound like a great idea. We are meeting with a marketing professional next week to outline our needs for the retail side of our business which we are ratcheting up this season. I'm sure we'll explore that method of delivering information along with the many other forms of media.
For the campaign that I'm engaged in, I would hesitate to devote too much energy beyond what we have planned, which is cold calling every GC/Builder that has a sign in our target market, then sending them our followup information. We have already placed a call to about 20 different contractors and several have requested information by fax. I will be hard mailing to several prospects and we have already received a commitment to bid some upcoming work in the next month. Also, we will be actually working in the target area on a small project in the next two weeks...so our physical presence will offer us an opportunity to press the flesh with real people in real time. There really is no substitute for that.
The only reason that I'm not devoting a ton of money into this particular campaign is because I know we don't need it. The basic bio that I'm sending will be plenty enough to land as much work as we can possibly handle this season because we don't intend to expand much beyond the four guys that we are right now. The instant that we set up for one project in the city will result in a ton of inquiries.
We will however invest some money and energy into creating an image that exactly fits the target market, which is somewhat different from what we have been doing in recent years.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Okay..here we go again.
This is the latest revision thank to some great suggestions. I really can't believe that I have received so much help...it is a great testament to this site.
I'd like mention that some of the text and fonts aren't transferring correctly. For instance, Steve offered several typos that didn't exist on my original documents and Jeff suggested using the same fonts...but on my original documents, the fonts are all the same on each page.
I used a softer font on the opening letter and went with an easier read on the meat and potatos of the second and third page.
I'll post the reference draft in a minute...my DW wants to have a coffee break and I'm always game for that!
Thanks again for all the help.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Okay...heres my final drafts of the letter and the rough draft of the references.
If everyone is tired of this exercise, I'll totally understand...becaue I'm tired of doing it too. I'd much rather just stand up a house...or the Sears Tower!
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Jim,
I can't open those, not even from the HD, and I just installed every text converter I got.
SamT
Sorry Sam...maybe I did something wrong.
I'll resave them as something else.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Okay, try theseJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Here ya go.
Oops! I forgot to rename "follow_up__references[1].wps.doc". Be careful where ya save it to, or Save As.
SamT
Teacher, thanks for all the suggestions. I used everyone of them. I was astonished to find that I got a B+! I don't ever remember getting such a high mark. Either I'm getting smarter, or your an easy marker!
I hope I don't skew the class curve.
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Here are a few more improvements. I hope this is not too late. Blue type is my input, red punctuation is the previous poster's input and is good.
We all know how last year’s labour framing shortage hurt schedules and we want to pro-actively take steps to avoid a similar situation. (flows better)
Please call me at (585) 297-9794 to schedule a convenient time to meet. (hyphen was in wrong place)
Jim continues to instill in his crews his belief in quality, using the latest advanced production methods. (instill in whom, to whom? shows that blue's belief is the crew's belief)
joined the company in 1997, as an apprentice, and dedicated himself to (remove the) learning the trade. Ben is a very competent carpenter and his strong work ethic and attention to detail is a typical benefit of the Advanced Construction Concepts rough framing experience. (flows better)
One-hour emergency service is provided for all true emergencies. (needs hyphen)
Friendly attitudes are appreciated by superintendents and help keep subs productive. (takes into account previous poster's input)
Worker’s comp and liability insurance is kept up-to-date at all times. (needs hyphens)
I hope this helps you out blue. This all makes for a good tight package. You've made up your mind on hiring a pro to do the layout, illustrations or photos?
Thanks Pierre1.
Actually we've already been sending out some of these letters, most by fax.
We've got a meeting set up with a professional marketer to launch a retail phase of our business. The marketing we are doing now with the builders will be for work that will happen next month and beyond. We know we would be busy with the builders that we already have, but we're moving into a slightly more lucrative market.
We're not sure how the retail will pay off, but we know we're going to give it a solid shot.
Personally, I'd just as soon get away from construction altogether....
blueJust because you can, doesn't mean you should!
Warning! Be cautious when taking any framing advice from me. There are some in here who think I'm a hackmeister...they might be right! Of course, they might be wrong too!
Blue ...
and all ...
here's the doc I just typed up to mail to a coupla streets around the house I just started working at ...
there's lotsa little stuff ... and a coupla big projects ...
It's a nice section in a poor little river town ... the houses that over look the river make for one nice pocket of realestate ... that's where I'll do a slow drive and not the house numbers ... I'll probably mail about 50 or so ... coupla streets worth ...
I've had success with this in the past. Have never "not" got enough extra work to cover the cost of Kinko's and stamps ... if it's just a hand full of houses .. I'll go door to door and pass them out .... or hang on the door knob .... but I prefer to mail.
This is a first draft ... looks ok ... I'll have to take another look tomorrow.
Will be in color ... on basic white paper.
Jeff
Buck Construction
Artistry in Carpentry
Pgh, PA
Just a little English 101 here. One of the most overused words in any writing is the word 'that'. Sometimes it can be omitted altogether, other times replaced with 'which'. A trick to get the 'feel' of your message is to read it aloud to yourself. If you find you stumble on a certain line, it helps to hear it out loud then try to rewrite in a more flowing manner. And remember, one word can alter the message you're wishing to convey so the reading aloud helps here too. Sometimes your ear will catch something your eyes won't...