I have a co-worker who is 6 years my senior but about 6 years behind me in knowledge. How do I give him direction, instruction, whatever you want to call it without sounding like a punk kid? Every time I try, he bristles. Then the boss comes back and gives me the business for not telling him what or how to do something…
Any advice?
Replies
There is no way to tip-toe on these types of issues. Without being too transparent, level with your co-worker that you are between a rock and hard place on this due to the boss's expectations ("expectations" are not "the boss said", they are along the lines of 'the boss expects me to take the lead here'), then explain to him exactly why the boss has those expectations (presumably your training, experience, and/or natural skills).
If nothing else, that takes away his primary weapon, the ability to intimidate you with subtle gestures - you have to reposition him so that he has a binary choice between co-operation or refusal. Do not permit him to change any situation into an argument; let him speak his piece, if he has one, make and annouce your decision, and cut it off there.
Phill Giles
The Unionville Woodwright
Unionville, Ontario
I pretty much agree with Phill, but I wouldn't spend much time explaining why you're giving the instruction. My first foreman job years ago was running a crew of millwrights, electricians, machinists, etc., in an industrial plant. They were all seasoned guys and some were as old as my Dad. It was a little intimidating in the beginning, but they and I got used to each other pretty fast because there was work to do and what they really wanted was competent direction.
While I was experienced in some of their tradeskills, I was a new guy and there was some predictable testing of me for a time until we were able to develop some mutual respect.
My 2 cents is, be clear, be firm and be fair. Remember all the good and bad bosses you've had in the past and try to employ the best of each and avoid the bad. Your man will get used to it, most likely and you'll have grown another notch.
Good luck!
This is really your boss's problem. Talk to him about it. Regardless of what your boss does, the most that you can do is to treat your coworker with respect and to discuss with him the work that you are doing together. Ask for his opinion and give your own as part of a give and take. Show him by your actions that you don't think that you are any better than he is even though you may have more experience.
In the long run, all you can do is to treat him fairly. If he is resentful and continues to carry around a big chip, understand that this is his problem, not yours. Good luck.
Ive been in your shoes before. Ran crews where some guys were 20 yrs. older. The best advice I can give you is to take the wheel and drive, as soon as they realize youve got it togther, theyll respect you for it. Just my humble opinion....hope this helps.
............Sandy
Great advice from all. I have been there also. Was in charge of a 15 man operation at 27. Watch your delivery with him. If possible start with something like "you know I once saw it done this way". Takes the edge off you being more experienced. But leaders lead and you may have to just level with the guy as was stated before and just tell him you have a job to do whether he likes it or not. Suttle first, bull second. Just my thoughts. DanT
Boy you sure are a bunch of nice guy's , makes me wonder if your in the same bussiness of building houses that I am . Once again political correctness and the female fuzzyness came to the front. It doesn't make any difference if your older or younger ,"Lead follow or get the hell out of the way" if this approach doesn't work try slapping somebody up side the head , sure keeps you from going through a lot of unneccessary stress .
When I was a apprentice I worked with some pretty hard headed journeymen.In their mind i I couldnt tell them anything.I was there to just assist them. But the way I got around it was making them think it was their idea. My most memorable guy was E.P. Sturgle. E.P. used to say "Ronnie, I spent more time in the #### house than you have on this job so dont tell me how to do it" Id say some thing along the lines of "E.P. remember the last time we did this and you did it this way and it turned out great". He'd say" Oh yea Ronnie I remember that.It worked OK glad I thought of it".
We go on from there. He knew it and Id knew its was me stroking him but sometimes these old timers need that and besides it's a way of respecting our elders inna sense
At Darkworks cut to size made to burn......Putty isnt a option
This only works with morons..
Phill Giles
The Unionville Woodwright
Unionville, Ontario
well, most old folks are morons, what the point
Your approach probably works if you're the boss, but it may lead to more turnover, and therefore more training expense, than you really want. It probably doesn't work as well if you're not the boss, and if you try it and the boss won't back you up, it doesn't work worth sh*t.
Hey Unc.... Me thinks boss's are overrated.
Well, yeah. But my point still stands. If you try the blunt, direct approach with a guy who thinks he has more experience, and he objects, and the boss agrees with him and disagrees with you, then the blunt, direct approach didn't work worth sh*t, regardless of how overrated the boss is.
When did this discussion start? Intersting indeed.
My opinion is simple. Show and tell. Unless you are dealing with an idiot they'll see the easier and smarter route. If they don't or won't follow...lets not forget who the boss is.
I jumped into a Unionized job after years of non union work. 80% of these people are lazy, outspoken. know it all jack asses. Guess who staff is bringing into the fold. Its not any of them!
Good work ethics, knowledge and inteligence will always bring you to the top of the pack.
I am not an #### kisser!!!!!
I knew you were thinkin that. :o)
Well Puke ... If your "point still stands" ,then I gotta make a point also, if you gotta go through life fearing , who a boss is going to agree with , when a third party is giving you a ration of "sh*t it aint much of a life . Maybe its not all that scary to tell the boss , take this job and shove it and walk away like a man instead of being walked on. When a hammer swinger on a crew has to have a psych. degree to tell somebody what to do to keep them from getting "upset" its time to go to the beer tavern.
I'll guess that may be workable in some rural backwater; but, it's not how to survive and succeed in the real world..
Phill Giles
The Unionville Woodwright
Unionville, Ontario
Hi Phill .....Either your trying to bait me or your leaving yourself wide open.
Neither, I'm telling you that, as you've presented them, your neanderthalic ideas on leadership and supervision are poor practise and poor advice. As they drum into you at management training: park your ego, curb your agression, and get results..
Phill Giles
The Unionville Woodwright
Unionville, Ontario
There are dozens of Boss types and most don't live in a kinder, gentler world. As a Boss you don't have to work yourself, but you are completely lost if you can't get people to work for you.
I'm glad the original poster got some back-up from his supervisor.
Whatever works
sometimes board sometimes knot
I gotta agree with "Nails" back there. I'm 29 years old and have been running a crew of 7 for three years now. Three of the guys are 15+ years my senior, one is 10 years older and two are younger than I am. Roll with me or get rolled over. I always say please, always say thanks at the end of the day and never lecture in front of other workers. In addition I never ask the guys to do anything they haven't seen me do a dozen times myself. After while they will come to respect you or resent you. The bad attitudes somehow always tend to weed themselves out. Most guys who use that quiet, subtle intimidation technique will fold the first time you call em on it. It takes all kinds...
Thanks for everyones input. I talked with the boss. He basically said what you all said. Guess its not as much Mister Nice Guy.
Gray
Sorry but I only breezed through the posts.....spose cause I have only one thought. Someone probably already hit on it but.....You say you have SIX years on this person? SIX YEARS? Am I missining something here? MAybe if you were twelve and your friend was six I might understand but,,,,,six years? Doesnt really matter if you ARE 12 and he/she is 6 anyway. Its about who knows what. Nothing to do with age or time. If youre versed in the craft then its YOU that I'd want to learn from. If the guy yer talking about knows less and has an issue with age then he has more then an issue with age. He has an issue with life/egos. I know so many people half my age that I'd kill for if they'd teach me some of the stuff they know about ...puter, bussiness etc etc...As Tina Turner said in her later years(wasnt she always in her later years..lol) "whats age got to do with it ,got to do with it"
Dont sweat the small stuff and waste time... Learn and teach and leave the rest of the shmaltz to the guy in charge of that. Rock on bro.
Be well
Namaste'
Andy
It's not who's right, it's who's left ~ http://CLIFFORDRENOVATIONS.COM
You grab him right by the throat and take him down to the floor and you tell him. "Look here you old fart your gonna do it my way or I'm gonna kick your.......
Na that's not the way. You have to let him know by your actions and the way you carry yourself that you know exactly what you're doing. If you know your job well enough to be a leader then it should'nt be a poblem. Myself I don't get into the age thing. I take and give direction to people of all age groups. As long as they know what they're talking about I don't care.