So, I’ve got a break between finishing up a house and starting an addition in about two weeks. Have a zillion things to do on my own house, like siding the front of the shop, organizing my paperwork and closing out the last job, painting the whizz rusted baseboard in two bathrooms, etc, etc.
But here I am
This is a problem I’ve had for years. I long for time in the busy schedule that is life, what with an average work week of 70-80 hrs what with f. dept & building, then add little league baseball games, dance, gymnastics et al, and then when I have time, I go limp and don’t feel like doing a @#^%$ thing on my own house, even though the sight of things hanging/ needing re-doing drives me nuts the rest of the time. When I do jobs for customers, I pride myself on finishing every last thing before I leave. Why am I like this?
Fortunately, I have an incredibly patient wife, who, this morning said something along the lines of, ” You work so hard all the time, why don’t you just goof off today?” but even though I have a hard time getting going, I’ll feel like
if I don’t do SOMETHING!
&
#160; Wondering if anyone has any Vulcan mind tricks to get motivated to work on their own stuff.
Bing
Replies
Bing, I know exactly what you mean--going 90 miles an hour for weeks on end, then not knowing what to do when I actually do get free time. Breaktime has been a major time-waster for years, and there is some good that comes of it.
For other, around-the-house type projects I've found it's great to keep a list of things that need to get done, periodically re-organize based on priority, and tackle them IN ORDER when you have time. I think it's important to finish one activity before starting another. That's why I have a shiny new bathroom but the entry door is still ugly--I haven't reached it on my list yet.
The funny thing is, when I do get around to do "job x", it always amazes me at how quickly it goes. Somehow staring at it for months ( ok, sometimes years "gag") makes it bigger in my mind than it is. Every time I tie up some loose end, my wife has a look on her face that says "I've been looking at that since 1998, and it took you longer to take the tools out than it did to fix it?"
One thing I did consciously decide this summer is that no matter what exciting project I want to start next on the house, I'm not starting ANYTHING until I finish the stuff I've started already. Can you say A.D.D.? I think it's just a sense of responsibility and concern for my rep that keeps me going on paying jobs, otherwise I'd have trouble finishing those, too.
Ahh well....you know the saying....."The cobblers children have no shoes." Well, I'm here to tell ya, the carpenter's kid has no bedroom door.
I did get out and do some siding on the barn, and I feel better....Guess I'll try to hit it hard in the am...
Bing
"Man finish house, Man Die..."
Be careful.
Or you could just put your place up for sale, then it'll get done!
No 'real' suggestions for you. I'm in the same boat. Wasting time on BT...
"Man finish house, Man Die..."
Funny you should say that. Back in 1976, my 45-year old father had just finished the last of the renovations on our house. A week later, he collapsed and was diagnosed with brain cancer. Died a year later.
I'm 41 and taking my sweet time in finishing what needs to be finished around the house. In case the saying is true, I'll plan things so that I finish my renovations well after the kids are adults...maybe even later.
Sorry for your loss..
My father painted houses for 25 years and was up on the 30' ladder scraping fascia on his own place to sell and retire..
He fell and broke his pelvis, most of his ribs...
Feeling good lately but it was years of morphine and nerve meds. You come back slower the older you get.
I know I'm NEVER going to finish my house!
Cheers,
Pat
I find threats from the wife to be most effective.
"I find threats from the wife to be most effective"
That works too.
Mine does it by opening the yellow pages at the "contractors" section.
Then I remind her about my dad...
Edited 9/29/2008 6:36 pm ET by Chucky
Someone here had a tag line a while back:
"A finished house is a listed house"
Jon Blakemore
RappahannockINC.com Fredericksburg, VA
Been there done that (dooing that!) . I bet you have some friends that owe you favors, big time probably. Any chance you could call in a few favors to break through some of the backlog? Mike
Nah, most of the friends that owe me favors owe favors because they don't know the claw end of the hammer from the head. But they all jump for me any time I need furniture moved, a ride home from the airport, etc., etc.
I'd feel like a doofus hiring anybody to do any of the stuff that needs done, partly because I'd get my nads cracked for-freakin-ever, and partly because it's really the stuff I do for a living, so why pay somebody retail for something I can do for less than wholesale? ( I know, I know,........cause it would be DONE!! :)
I'm feeling a surge of new energy, though, just knowing I'm not the only one.....
I've been saying the whole "for sale" thing to my friends who've been cracking my aggots over the years...." You'll know I'm done when they're banging the for sale sign in at the end of the driveway." Pretty much the same story as every contractor I've ever known. At least we're consistent!
Bing
First thing I do is get up at my normal time and get right to it.
That is 5-5:30 am so once I start the project, it gets done.
Will try that very thing tommorrow am.
Tough one though; always seem to waste ( or not, depending how ya look at it ) time hanging with the kids, eating breakfast, etc. before they get on the bus.....This has me thinking....How the #### do people that work from a home office or shop do it???
Bing
That's why I never work "remote", though my boss would be fine with it.
Corporation: n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
I got the boys in the shower, they are about to come downstairs to eat bfast. (they get themselves dressed now so I dont need to help)
I will be out of here in 15. Mom will put them on the bus
You Just DO IT!
"...always seem to waste (or not, depending how ya look at it) time hanging with the kids..."
That may SEEM like wasted time. But I think you already know that it isn't.
I have to wonder WHY you're working 8 to 90 hours a week. I've done that before - Sometimes for good reasons, and other times not.
Maybe it's time to start telling some of your customers "NO", and do things that YOU want to do instead? Re-think your priorities? Only you can answer that question, though.
As for your projects around the house - Have you tried involving your kids in doing them? Like take a Saturday, pick a kid, and have them do something with you. It may take 5 times as long to have them "help". But you'll never be sorry that you spent time with them and taught them some of what you know.
Questioning what you're doing and why is always a good thing. I hope you come up with a solution that works for ya.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Thx Boss,
I do involve the kids from time to time, and it is usually fun for both of us. Trouble is, most of the stuff that's hanging now is fairly heavy duty....Siding the front and dormers on a 35' tall shop/ barn, Sundeck from the screen door to no-where, which exits the screen porch that I framed 6 years ago, made screens for two years ago, and still isn't done....:)
I guess the # of hours that I work has a bunch of answers. I do a 2-10hr day/2-14hr night/ 4 days off sch. at the fire department. So I have a lot of days (days before my nights included) to work at whatever paying project I have going on. I usually work at least 1 overtime shift, too, which I COULD turn down, but it's tough to blow that off when I consider that I can make in a night what I made in a week when I started swinging a hammer.
Most of the houses I've built I've also framed, which is something I need to stop doing. I will admit that I'm a little bit of a control freak, and I need to step back and let the subs do their thing, and stop being one of the subs myself. I could do most of the running around in a half-a-day, and not be so drawn at the end. It would also speed up the actual construction time, which would speed up the time in which I get the overseeing $.
My single mom always worked two jobs, very type A, and I think it's safe to say that my work ethic comes from her. I could survive with just the fd job and my wife's part time gig, but it would be tight, and I like to be able to provide the ( not extravagant ) extras for the kids, and the wife. Don't get me wrong, I'm still at most of the little league games, gymnastic and dance recitals,etc,etc,. I WON'T miss that stuff, because I know I'll only walk down this road with the kids once. But I am somewhat tired most of the time :)
Thanks for the reply....love the farming blog.I'm on about 8 acres of trees, and when I see your photos, I want to buy a tractor and flatten it all :)
Bing
I'm glad you thought my response was helpful. I also had a similar background from my parents - Dad worked full time plus had 2 farms. Working 7 days a week + 14 hour days was normal, and vacations were rare. I "over learned" that work ethic, and pretty much ran myself into the ground for a long time. Now I've let go of some of the things I used to try to control, and life is a bit simpler. You're the only one that can decide what you want to change and how much. But like I said earlier - Questioning the status quo is a good thing. Most of us get smarter as we get older. Don't give up on the process of questioning and changing.
Bumpersticker: Back off! I'm not that kind of car.
Bing, I've got the same problem. The trouble at home is there is no payoff... So what if you get it done, there is always something else that you feel you have to do.
One thing that works for me is having a deadline. Recently, I've been adding lighting to a room, cutting open and patching drywall, and painting. All 'cause my wife is throwing a party for my fiftieth, so it's got to get done. But any deadline works, and the holidays are always good reasons to get something done.
A good way to decide what to do first is to ask yourself what is going to cause the most harm if it doesn't get done. Roof leaks and taxes come to mind.
After that just choose one thing and stick with it till it's done. Done like you were working for someone else. Done like you wouldn't get paid unless you finish it. Done.
One thing is, the older one gets, the less these things seem to matter. But I"m not sure if that is good or bad.
Rich
We used to be know as 'human beings' ...
That should be changed - we are 'humans doing' ... not longer satisfied just to *be*.
Jeff
Speak for yourself. I am quite content to sit here and look at the window trim I started 3 years ago on the windows I installed 5 years ago and not be bothered at all by the fact the trim is as of yet unfinished. Lazy "being" I am .
They can't get your Goat if you don't tell them where it is hidden.
I'm glad you posted about this since I am trying to figure out the same problem. For me it always happens about this time of year. My theory is that I always take on projects during the summer that take all my attention.
When I get some down time, my focus is allowed to wander to all the things I didn't get done and I feel guilty about. I can feel guilty about ten things I see that I need to do walking out the door to the van.
I don't know why I am so worried since I know the wife is too broke to fire me and hire someone else :)
I think its ok to have some downtime and realize you don't have to get everything done. It's ok not to really be productive on your own projects.
The best thing is to travel to somewhere you don't have to look the things that bother you.
As I've said before on several occasions, probably about half the folks here would test positive for ADHD. One trait of ADHD is this sort of fear of beginning (or finishing) a project -- the thought of starting on it makes you kind of queasy. Other people, who don't have this problem, seem to have no trouble at all starting and carrying through on a project, and that makes you queasier still.Simply recognizing the problem is a big first step towards addressing it. Beyond that you can of course get drugs, but there are many behaviors you can adapt that will help you as well. One simple one is to just decide that you will concentrate on one thing at a time and carry it through to completion (or at least to some logical stopping point). Another behavior to adapt is to set a deadline for when you go to bed the night before a day off, when you get up in the morning, how long you spend "farting around", and when you'll actually get to it. Stick to those deadlines.
Corporation: n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
I bought a book about adults with ADD about two years ago. Want a laugh? I never finished it...........
I did have some anxiety issues a few years back, and found that sort of like you're saying, I do a lot better when I isolate specific things. When I start a complete house job, if I think about the whole thing and what that entails, I get to a bad place in my head......So, I break it down and focus on that day, that week..and go from there.
Don't know about drugs.....Think I'd feel a little funny telling my doc that I thought I had add at the age of 40.
Ok I've putzed around here enough for this am. Gonna go side a dormer :)
Bing
I was in my 50s when I started drugs. Had muddled through for years before that, recognizing that I had ADHD but able to adapt pretty well. Needed the drugs as I got older in order to keep up with the younger whipper-snappers.
Corporation: n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
"One trait of ADHD is this sort of fear of beginning (or finishing) a project"I sometimes fear starting a project, but that's because I'm sometimes lazy.Drugs are not the answer.
Jon Blakemore RappahannockINC.com Fredericksburg, VA
Some day (when I get around to it) I'm gonna get a T-shirt made up saying "I'm not lazy, I'm just motivationally challenged".
Corporation: n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
Thanks to all for the well thought out responses.
The funny thing is, I went out today and sided and trimmed out an 8' wide gable roofed dormer off the mansard on the second floor of the barn/shop. ( I need to decide what to call that. It looks like a barn, but no animals, its a shop. Bop? Sharn?) I'm psyched just to stand back and see it. Looks a little funny, cause the pine board & batten is nice and white, and the wall below it has weathered for 14 months with no finish, aarrgg. But it's done, and Friday I plan to finish it and maybe hit it with some sikkens before I pull the staging down. That would be weird.....It would be, like, ....done.?.
I really do appreciate the posts, as sometimes it really does help to know you're not the only one that has a hard time with some aspect of life :)
Bing
I remember many years ago a co-worker had an old TR2 I think it was sitting in his garage on blocks. Well finally he got the thing put back together and the wheels on and off the blocks and then his kids (who were probably like 3 and 5) refused to go into the garage because it looked so strange/different to them.Do you have any kids who will be traumatized if you finish the thing?
Corporation: n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. --Ambrose Bierce
Traumatized , no. Surprised....yes. Bear in mind, my kids are 11 and 8. They have only ever known the house that we live in now. We moved in a month after my oldest was born.
The barn/shop was a foundation with a floor and that was all from birth til last summer.
Were they ticked that I put that thing up. No more skateboarding, basketball, etc. (dirt driveway) Finally paved part of the drive this past summer so I've been forgiven :)
Bing
You appreciate the posts. I appreciate the thread. It offers lots of different points of view.
I'm where you are - have problems finishing stuff. Much less so starting it. But recently it's been bothering me too much that things are undone after long periods of time. Nice to know I am not alone.
That said, I just started our kitchen extension this week, even tho I have three or four other things going. (Only one is an "outside" project. The rest are on my houses.)
Good luck getting it all done.
Don K.
EJG Homes Renovations - New Construction - Rentals
Some of the things you talk about kind of hit home. Good tips. Thanks.
Wondering if anyone has any Vulcan mind tricks to get motivated to work on their own stuff.
Leave your phone on the desk and start with the easiest job on the list (there has to be a list) or the one that's most attractive to you at the moment. Take as much pleasure from it as you can and then, instead of stopping to rest, move on to the next one.
That gets a new rhythm going, slightly slower paced and more relaxed with a freer and happier attitude.