We got a call from Village NW that there may be an opening in their care facility within 30 days for my 19 year old son.
We have been planning for this for 1.5 years. He was going to start going to classes there 2nd semester for school as a transistion time. Then be ready for a opening after school was finished. I was ready for it to happen in 6 months, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes you can wait years for an opening. Someone has to die or move out or they have to expand the facility, which they are trying to do.
The Village is 30 miles away. They are the largest employer in town. Located on 25 acres with a dozen buildings on campus and 17 waiver homes throughout the community. The town is really behind them and the residents are really intergated into the town. We were very impressed with the staff, the residents and the facilities.
They have a gym, big hot tub, industries like recylcing, growing tomatoes, pallets, grinding specialty coffee, building sprayer parts ect. The town is heavily Dutch so the staff is like from Lake Wobegon ( tall, good looking and above average).
The admissions guy knew everyone by name. Most had some running joke going with him. Everyone was happy and the staff turnover rate is very low. Every resident has a different schedule( therapy, classes, work, down time).
Tim was born 3.5 months early and he has cerebral palsy. He has virtually no concious control over most of his body, some head control. He started talking about age 8-9. We can understand about 85% of the time. He is 4′ 6″ and weighs about 70 lbs. Somewhere between a bag of sackcrete and a bundle of shingles.
My wife can’t lift him very easily anymore, so much of his care (that involves lifting) falls on myself or my 21 year old son (Levi gets him up in the morning and feds him breakfast and Levi gets to our jobsite by 9AM and I put him to bed at night). She does her share and more of his care too. When we go places the whole family is like a well run crew where everyone knows his or her job.
My older sons are hunting opening day pheasants with my 2 brothers about 100 miles east of me. I am staying home to get Tim out of bed, bathed and dressed. Then we will watch the Hawkeyes take on Mich State. Tim big is a football fan.
My life will be easier and I can finally be gone over night, and all plans won’t be geared around, ” can we get a wheelchair in there?”, or is it worth the effort.
Tim is such a joy to be around. He takes such child like joy in the simplest things. He yells YIPPEE with abandon when his team scores. He loves his team to come from behind and win the game. His team doesn’t just play another team, they are playing the Evil Raiders (Chiefs fan) or the Evil Red Birds (Cubs fan). He goes to bed at night saying tomorrow I am going to watch this game or listen to that book. Just like most of you would anticipate a big vacation.
He is getting an A in his regular history class at school. He loves old TV shows like the A team or Charlies Angels or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He is a mixture of 8 year old and 19 year old.
I woke up crying this morning thinking about how much I am going to miss him. It will be bittersweet. The burden will be lifted, but the light will have moved to another town.
I know his days will be fuller at the Village. They will keep him busy. We are hoping he will learn to drive an electric wheelchair there, or learn how to operate a switch.
I don’t know why I am posting this. It’s kind of like journaling. I will trust in the Lord for his care and his future.
I attached a picture below. Thanks for listening.
Rich
Replies
cargin,
Hope you don't mind if I just sit by ya and be.
Don't want to talk or offer anything but my presence and this comment.
That was as moving a post as I have ever read.
Thanks
I am not distraut.
Just needed to put it out there in the BT community.
Just live it out and trust in the Lord.
Rich
<<cargin,Hope you don't mind if I just sit by ya and be.Don't want to talk or offer anything but my presence and this comment.That was as moving a post as I have ever read.>>Well said. Mind if I join you under this tree?Rich, I'll be the old trucker-lookin' fellow too choked up to talk.Wishing grace and love for you and yours.
catskinner,
Not at all. Some things transcend all differances.
They can't get your Goat if you don't tell them where it is hidden.
I'll bring over lemonade and cookies, then slip quietly away.
"the meat was prime,/the produce sublime,/but nevertheless/the dinner was/a horrible mess."
Samchang, 2007
"Don't want to talk or offer anything but my presence...."
I think there's a lot of wisdom in that thought.
I got arrested with a couple of other guys back when I was in the Army. (Minor charge about misusing a military vehicle)
The MPs told one of the other guys and I that we were free to go, but held one one of my friends for a while. The other guy bailed pronto, but I stayed with my friend. We just sat on the bench in the MP office and waited until they sorted things out.
At the time it didn't seem like any big deal. But a couple months later he told me that the fact that I stayed there with him had meant a great deal to him at the time.
So I hope that Cargin also takes some comfort in the fact that there's a bunch of us hanging with him.
Normal is a setting on your dryer.
Well said, and thank you.
same as Dove
Thanks
Rich
Thanks for adding something real to this day. You're a gem.
So are you. Keep telling us what that steel square can do.
I have Practical uses of the Steel Square Vol 1 & 2
By Fred Hodgson Copyright 1903
Way over my head.
Rich
Real good looking boy you got there. Very moving story.
I think I'll join Dove and John out under the tree.
Here when you need us. God Bless.
My DH wears the pants in the family. But I control the zipper!
Rich
Man thats something!
As a UNI alum I'd like to see if maybe I could sway Tim away from the Hawks and see if he wants to join a winning team! I wont even bother with the Cub/Card thing cause I know how deep that rivalry can cut.
Something I seldom do but I'll be rootin for the Hawks today.
BTW, where is Village NW?
Doug
Village Northwest is located in Sheldon IA.
30 miles up the road from us. We live in LeMars, IA.
Rich
Well the game just got over and Tim must be one happy kid right now! You guys must be about as happy as a............well, a couple Hawk fans!
Doug
What a sweet win. In overtime. Tim loves a nailbiter.
Thanks
Rich
cargin -
It's easy to see, you must have a great family.
Thanks for posting this.
Same as Dove, I'd like to sit for a spell too...buic
Edited 10/27/2007 12:44 pm ET by BUIC
Thanks
Rich
Rich... I don't know what to say, except, you are probably one of the finest people on the planet, along with your family. My wife and I recently have our first, an adopted toddler, and are learning about the new depths of feeling that children bring.
Be well and enjoy the game. I have to say, as a former Michigander I am partial to your foe.
Thanks
My wife's water broke 3.5 months early and 19 years later you're in my position.
You get up each day and do the best you can do.
Sometimes it enough and sometimes it's not. But tomorrow is still coming and you get another chance at it.
I've been changing diapers for 25 years now and I won't know what to do without that pleasure.
Rich
Rich,
First of all, what a great picture of your son Tim! His eyes contain such a wonderful zest for life! He's a cutie, for sure!
The Village sounds like a very good place for him to be.
I know it was a very hard decision for you to make.
(Not to hyjack your thread, sorry, just somewhat related tangent) We went through something similar with my 100yo grandfather. He had 2 strokes, which he had survived pretty well, but when he began to have upper GI problems, the situation changed. Us kids knew that if we didn't find a more managable alternative place for him to be, because we were concerned that he might outlive our mom who was trying to care for him. Yes, all of us kids were helping her out, on a regular basis, and each had scheduled time with Grandpa.
Luckily, the place we found for him was in a close proximty to all of us and we were able to visit him every single day. Sometimes we would take him out for a drive, which he loved. He loved to have a cup of coffee and smoke his pipe during these rides, both of which were not allowed in his facility...we thought heck, he's 100. He can have anything he wants, if it makes him happy. Other days, my friend would come over and play his guitar and sing old songs for him, which became a regular event for all of the residents there. Also, I believe he received better care at the facility because we were there at least twice per day.)
In any case, it sounds like his experience at The Village will be a positive one. Too bad it is 30 miles away from you. Is there anyway you can move closer so you could see him on a daily basis?
My thoughts and prayers are with Tim and your family.
Keep posting to us, we are pretty good at listening.
Take Care,
Fish
I can relate to your situation.
I'd like to have a cup of coffee with him. Good for him.
Being around him is probably like going into an old woodworking shop. It only gets that atmosphere and sweet smell from years of use.
He will be fine 30 miles away. House and business contacts are all here.
I'll go up to watch games with him. Maybe get a webcam.
Rich
You're a good man Rich.
You just don't know that I am a Yankee fan.
Go Red Sox now.
See you next year.
Rich
Good thoughts and prayers, Rich. Comfort.
Greg
Thanks
Rich
Under the tree...
FKA Blue (eyeddevil)
There's good people under the tree, and in the BT community.
You see alot of give and take and sometimes some edginess here.
It's nice to see the sweet and caring side of people.
Rich
Rich, You are a wonderful person and have a wonderful family. Your son, youself, and your family are truly blessed. You son will love his new place. I'm sure he'll have lots of fun. Thank you for sharing your story. We will make sure we say a big prayer for a smooth transition for your son- at our dinner table.
God bless,
-Lou C
Thanks for you prayers.
I pray that your job that ran over your estimate works out.
If we are faithful with God and good to his people, we need to get it through our heads that God can give us favor in the workplace. And favor when we hand people a bill.
Work hard. Treat your customer as what to be treated yourself. Look our for their best interests. And let God work our the details.
I have one right now that's not happy with the bill. It'll work out.
Sometimes I have to given up my overhead and profit just to make sure everyone was happy when I walked away.
Your reputation will follow for good or for bad.
Rich
Bless you; my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thanks
Rich
If I lived in your town I would consider it an honour to know you and your family.
Kind regards
Cliffy
Thank you for telling us about Tim. That just suddenly put a whole lot of my life into perspective, in the best of all possible ways. God bless you and your family.
"the meat was prime,/the produce sublime,/but nevertheless/the dinner was/a horrible mess."
Samchang, 2007
I am glad it helped you. I don't know why I wanted to post that.
God works in mysterious ways.
My wife thought I was nuts. (She thinks I am nuts to be on BT in the first place.)
But she was really touched by all the tender posts.
Tim hasn't been accepted yet. The committee meets on Tuesday. Then we will have an answer.
Tim wants to know if they have ESPN (sports channel) at the Village. And he wants me to tell them our bedtime routine bedtime routine.
He is starting to make plans for living there, like what movies and books on tape he wants to take with him. He so confident. I wish I was.
Boy, you know how to fill out a profile. I like that. I dislike a empty profile.
Rich
That hunting trip that I missed.
Levi called me about 10AM.
Within the 1st hour of the morning the dog pointed a skunk.
He dashed in to (flush it) came out of the weeds with the skunk in his mouth.
Levi told him to drop it and the skunk sprayed the dog.
Now the dog and the car smell like skunk.
I'm going to be giving a tomato juice bath to the dog when they get home.
Life is interestin.
Rich
I have a feeling he will love living there and being with new friends all day long. You will go to his house to visit and be his guest.He has a happy countenance--he looks like he knows he is loved.
.
.Nobody is as good as they seem, nobody is as bad as they seem either.
Thanks
I could not have said it better.
All these positive posts are confirmation for us.
For years Tim was quiet and withdraw around people.
People thought the lights were on but nobody was home.
We saw a different Tim at home.
Over the years you ask yourself how can he have a meaningful life?
These posts confirm to us that his life has meaning, that he brings happiness and light into many places.
One of the teachers at school said that Tim's smile always lights up her day even when she is having a bad day.
Thanks again.
Rich
At some point, all kids grow up, leave the nest and start their adult life. It sounds like Tim is doing that now. No matter how you want to think about it, Tim would end up somewhere, without his parents at some time in his life. This way, you get to choose where he lives out his days and you also get to be his support group...the ones that come to visit him. You are also his safety net, should this not work out. I'm sure Tim will be fine and develop some very fun and interesting adult friendships there. That is the best you could hope for. All of us parents experience the same mixed emotions when one of our little ones leaves the nest. You are no different.Your challenge will be to fully enjoy the peace and tranquility that you so richly deserve in whatever life you choose to lead. It's your turn now.This thread forces me to count my blessings. FKA Blue (eyeddevil)
This thread forces me to count my blessings.
Yeah, that's it right there Blue. Couldn't put it into words myself, but you nailed it good. That's exactly what it does.View Image
Forget the tomato juice - it doesn't work.
Get a quart of hydrogen peroxide from the firs aid section of the pharmacy. Mix with a cup of baking soda and a tablespoon of dish detergent (Dawn is the best.)
Expand the recipe as needed for the size of your dog. Sponge the mixture on, paying particular attention to the head & chest. Rub it in well, so it totally penetrates the fur. Rinse well, & your dog will sme;ll better thasn he has a long time.
Also, use the mixture to clean the car. Add vodka to the tomato juice, and enjoy!
My wife thought I was nuts. (She thinks I am nuts to be on BT in the first place.)
I know how your wife feels. My DH (Bambam) was posting for three years before I joined. He would be laughing or come in and say I got this idea from ........off breaktime. Finally, I decided to see what all the hubub was about.
Now BT is a part of my life. Some of the most awesome people are here and I look forward to talking to my friends. And sometimes, we get a person who opens our eyes and our hearts and makes us grateful for the things we have and the bonds we have with our families. You and yours in this case.
We are all here for you and keeping you in our hearts and our prayers. God Bless.
There sure are a lot of friends under the tree now, think I'll make some lemonade for em'!My DH wears the pants in the family. But I control the zipper!
I'm under the tree too.And as far as skunk smell goes, try hydrogen peroxide, baking soda & a bit of dish soap. The formula is as follows:1 qt fresh hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
some liquid/dish soapIt goes without saying that you'll want to use gloves & don't get this solution in the dogs eyes or ears. Use it ALL because it doesn't store well (can we say Explosion?). I have used this a couple of times on assorted dogs. It works ALOT better than tomatoe juice (tho the dogs don't like the taste as much<G>).Finefinefine. TUESDAY's MegaGame is mine, tho I've heard that phone s*x operators make a really good salary.
We used your solution on the dog this noon.
His coat smells great.
Between the eyes where it is diifcult to wash he still smells like skunk.
Thanks
Rich
Thank you
I don't know how to respond.
I guess I'll go sit under the tree with my friends.
You must have a tender heart. It shows through in your post.
God Bless you
Rich
I can only imagine what you feel. When I sent mine off to college I felt as though someone had died. After a month I started to adjust. After college he was staying with us till he got his assignment with his new company and then going to get an apartment at that location.
We had our accident and he became my lifeboat. 6 months later he moved and I went through a similar "letting go" ordeal. I guess the only thing to say is it will pass, you and he will both adjust. It really is amazing how humans do adjust to loss. And the great thing is you are doing the best thing for him while doing the best thing for you. Plus he is only 30 miles away so you can still see him and spend time with him. Good luck. It will work out. DanT
Don't know what to say, excet best of luck to you and your family.
Ambiguous headline: NEW STUDY FOR OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
rich... thank you for sharing this..we all draw inspiration from you and yoursMike Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Thank you for your reply.
I saw the post in the tavern about your marriage status.
I couldn't read all 1200 posts.
The best resource we have found is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrerichs.
www.loveandrespect.com
Based on Eph. 5:33 . She percieves he does something unloving and she responds with disrespect. Then he is not going to love in return until she shows some respect and so starts the crazy cycle and you can't get off.
You'd swear that he has been in your bedroom reading your mail. It is so right on. Fair to both sides.
If you post me your address privately I will without hestitation send you my copy at my expense.
Hi Rich
Your note hits home with me. My sister is handicapped with cerebral palsy. She is functional (graduated from northern iowa) but all her care rests with my 80 year old parents. I hesitate to think what we will need to do when my parents pass. Sounds like your other sons take good care of their brother. It is difficult being a sibling when one child requires much care. Often the other children are neglected.
Reading your note on the sunk spraying the bird dog, did you post on Iowa Outdoors? Story sounds similar.
Take care from Eastern Iowa.
No I didn't post on IA outdoors.
That skunk sure gets around.
It is difficult being a sibling when one child requires much care. Often the other children are neglected.
How true. Levi was just 2 1/2 and Luke was 6 when they spent almost 3 months (weekdays)at the Ronald McDonald house in Omaha.
They grew up fast. They hardly knew life without care giving. Hence they are leaders and servants wherever they are.
Our daughter Sarah is 3 years younger. The older boys always shouldered the load of house chores or Tim's care. It was easy for her to slip under the radar, for chores and for our attention. The boys went after life with gusto and drew friends to themselves. Sarah on the otherhand is quieter and not as interested in the masculine interests of the household and there weren't as many kids her age in the neighborhood.
In other words it time for Mom and Dad to focus on her.
Rich
She
Your post reminds me there is much more to life than the small things I worry about every day. Thanks for posting and best wishes.
Thank you for all the posts.
Yesterday was such a sweet day. I posted the story early in the day and almost immediately Dovetail responded. Then others.
I went out to do errands and stopped to talk with a friend who is hiding his marital problems from the world. I felt free enough to just bring it up and we talked openly about what he has to do and somethings he may have to give up for his wife. All good things he does, but they keep you away from your family and suck you dry serving the public good.
He told me thanks for talking to him about it because he feels like there is no one he can share this with. Then I took his leaves to the landfill.
I helped a new neighbor install a flat roof (42" x 16' area under the dormer). I stopped the night before and found them shingling a .5"/12 slope with no flashing just black jack in the corners. I got them stopped in time and didn't offend them. Whew!!!
I slipped in and out on the game and Tim.
Sweet comments kept coming in from the BT community. My wife got into reading them.
The air was sweeter, the autumn leaves were brighter and I felt bold enough to approach my friend that I should have done long ago. Same with church this morning, I just saw people with rose colored glasses. Looked past their defects and got my heart right and I could just enjoy their presence.
My sons came home late last night with the stinky dog and we had lots of stories to tell and joys to share.
We washed him again this noon and he smells preety good. He got hit in the face and chest, so it is hard to wash around his eyes. Levi said after he got sprayed he was bleeding and foaming so bad that he thought we were going to lose him.
After about 5 minutes of this and rolling in the grass he just straightened up and started hunting again. He is a 13 year old german shorthair. He is in suprisingly good shape this morning.
Tim told me this morning that on Tuesday we will have our answer. I said we will have to talk to the superintendent about setting up transistion. Tim said " I already did that on Friday." He is a favorite with all the office staff because is a charmer and with all the coaches and male staff because he loves sports.
Thank you for the sweet day. I just pray that I can hold on to the sweet spirit and that it would infuse you lives as well.
I just found this thread and have nothing to add except it appears you and yours are a fine family and I want to thank you for sharing this inspiring story. It's too often we hear criticism, but don't get the pats on the back we deserve. Good luck to all of you through this.http://grantlogan.net/
I was born in a crossfire hurricane..........shooby dooby do
>> and the staff turnover rate is very low. <<
This speaks volumes about the administrator.
Form close bonds with those who caretake with Tim on a daily basis. I used to take cookies to the nurse's station and they loved that.
We always brought my grandfather home for any family party. For Thanksgiving and Christmas, we always extended an invite to any staff that had no where to go for the hoildays, and several of them actually came! It was great.
The Village sounds like a great place for Tim. Is he comptuer savvy?
Take care, and see ya under the tree.
Well, the sun rose... in so many colours it nearly broke my heart... Worked me over like a work of art...and I'm all part of that...
Tim can't read. He has not been able to operate a switch.
They have all kinds of switching devices. Optical scanning, puff, vocal cord, head movement, ect.
In other words you would watch a screen and it would have 3 choices. Each choice is highlighted one at a time. The person would hit the switch when your object was highlighted.
for instance this could be used for the computer like MS Word (1st choice) MS Excel, Internet Explorer. Tim would highlight Internet. Your next 3 choices would be shopping, dating or sports. Tim would hit sports and so on until you would double click your final choice
That's a goal of ours.
Right now we get on a website and his History book for school is verbally read to him over the net. He loves to do his homework.
We also get books and magazines on tape from the Library for the Blind. Special tapes, special player and all free.
He is going to have to master a switch to do a job. He dreams fo being a police officer.
Rich
I like the A team and charlies angels too
wow... I know tim has special needs... but i dread the day either of mine leaves to go off to school... heck i don't even like leave'n them for a day...
we are the protectors of our children...
I'm sure this new adventure in your lives will bring joy & learning to all of you...
I'm almost upset when i drop my 4yo off somewhere and in 10 seconds he's fine with me leave'n....
know that you are blessed and sleep with a smile
p
In a thread about a year ago "Held at gun point today" I made a comment about cleaning up your image.
Things got deleted so I don't know what was said.
Please accept my apology if I offended you. I'm sorry.
Thank you for your post. Our kids are precious. Treasure the time together. Mine still work with me. I'm lucky I see them everyday.
Rich
LOL man no one here has ever offended me... I consider "hey azzhole" a term of endearment...
the cool thing about breaktime is that i believe most here think like i do...
"it's not what you think or believe"...
the fact that you actually do think and believe is the part i'm attracted to...
seems so few have actually formed an opinion on things that affect us... concerns me... i think this is reflected in the low percentage of people who turn out to vote...
the enemy is not the librial or the conservative... the dem or the republican... the enemy is the one that wants to destroy us all...
but thanks for think'n about me :)
p
Update on Tim
On Tuesday we got the word that he has been accepted into the Village.
When my wife went to school to give him the news he said "Yeah I'm in" over and over. Then he and his aide went all over the school spreading the news. He is so pumped.
That helps Dad feel better.
As of now he will transition for about 3 weeks. The bus will take him and his aide up there for "school". Then on Nov. 26 he will move in.
He has no qualms about it. He is just pumped to go.
For our other kids, first they ride a bike around the block. Then around town. Then they get their license and they drive around town. Just a series of gaining independence from the parents.
When my oldest got married and moved out it was no big deal.
With Tim he is so utterly dependent on us for every aspect of his day. From hygiene to food to entertainment. It's like giving up your 3 year old for adoption.
I have peace about it and the pieces are falling together very nicely.
Tim has a good attitude and that will make all the difference.
Thanks for listening
Rich
While sitting under the tree, I looked up. It's so wonderful to see the magnolias blooming.
Thanks for the update on Tim. I bet he is very excited. Please keep us posted on how things go with Tim as well as the rest of the family. Keeping you and yours in our hearts and our prayers. My DH wears the pants in the family. But I control the zipper!
Excellent Rich! I'm thrilled that Tim is looking forward to his new adventure! FKA Blue (eyeddevil)
Yes...... a smile and a nod. Peace be with you and yours
They can't get your Goat if you don't tell them where it is hidden.
Thanks for the update. Don't really know what else to say, except that I'm following the story and hope for the best for all of you.
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. [Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]
Wow, congratulations to Tim!This thread is quite unlike anything else I have read in Breaktime (and I just checked my profile, I have been around for over 4 years). Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you and your family.
This thread is quite unlike anything else I have read in Breaktime
http://forums.taunton.com/tp-breaktime/messages?msg=65040.1
This isn't my first experience of the extraordinary kindness of this fractious bunch when the chips are down. Every so often i haul that out and bawl for a half-hour, then love fills in behind the tears. Just like this thread....
Edited 11/10/2007 5:16 pm by splintergroupie
he has been accepted into the Village.
That's great news! Tim sounds like he recognizes that moving to the Village is an important milestone on the path to his becoming an adult. Good luck to him and to you. Keep us informed.
In an earlier post you mentioned the possibility of Tim's learning to manipulate a computer using a head switch. I don't know what is available near you, but Boston College's Lynch School of Education is a great resource for info about some real cutting edge technology for kids with cerebral palsy and related conditions.
You have a handsome son there. He is lucky to have a great father. Sounds like a really nice place to live.
My daughter is disabled and will be an adult soon, we are actively reseaching the transition process for her. It sounds like you have done a good job of it.
Mike
Trust in God, but row away from the rocks.
Looking for another update, if you can.
How is Tim doing?
If it's not a good time, no problem.
I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes, because there's going to be a short quiz next period... Tom Lehrer
Fishrite
Thanks for asking. I have been thinking about posting but I thought I would put it off until after he moves to Village NW.
Attached is an invitation to Tim's graduation sendoff party on Nov. 24.
Tim moves in on Nov. 26. The school will bus him and an aide up ther for the next 2 weeks as a transition time.
My wife and myself went up there last Wed alone to meet with the staff of Freewheelers (the house he will be living in). It was a monthly staff meeting.
When we got in to the building all 15-20 of them were in prayer for the residents and their famillies. No just just "Now I lay me down to sleep", but seriously praying for people. That was a blessing. We meet with them for perhaps 2 hours telling them about how we care for Tim. There were direct care givers, nurses, a cook, a resident advocate, a recreation director and overnight staff (the overnighters are grandmothers, I mean milk and cookie type ladies). The advocate and recreation lady also do direct care. His physical therapy aide has season tickets to the Hawkeyes footballgames. Way cool. She was decked out in black and gold, just like Tim's wheelchair and coat (poncho)
Tim will be living with 10 other residents in a home on campus. The campus is 25 acres. The central building with the gym, physical therapy and classrooms is in the center and all the homes are in a circle around it. The house does it's own cookingand laundry. Meals are eaten together and ther is a common living room. He will have his own room 12'x 14' with a 12' x 2' closet. He already has told us he wants cable hooked up.
We meet Tim and his school aide in the computer skills classroom. It was obvious that he wanted us to stay and see him work in the afternoon. My sons at work were doing a bathroom tearout so I wasn't really needed at the job. So we stayed for lunch and work. The cook snuck him some chocalate cake. It was supposed to be for the evening meal, but she got him a piece early.
At his job he showed us how he can shred paper. He can hit a switch that starts a machine that will feed 3-4 sheets into the shredder. Then he has to hit the switch again. They give him a stack of 200 pieces at a time. He has also worked at seperating fishing worms. They come in a strand (like model airplane parts) and the have to be seperated from the core. An aide holds the strand where he can grab it and then he was able to pull down with enough force to seperate the worms. Others are counting and bagging the worms.
The lady in charge had all kinds of ideas for ways that he could do work. If can read numbers then he can work in the specialty coffee area reading the scale as they measure out the beans. She was very encouraging because she was full of ideas. Workers rotate to different jobs and they have different contracts to fill so there is always a variety of different jobs. If they get behind on a contract local service clubs come in and help them fill the order.
The aide could do any of these jobs hundreds of times faster, but the point is to give the residents self esteem. Not all residents are in wheelchairs. Some of the Downs Syndrome people very running the chop saw. ( it takes two hands to it the switch and the blade comes up from below)
They have can recyling, pallet building, hydophonic tomatoes and marigolds in the greenhouse, janitorial in the community, they assemble sprayer parts for an agricultural manufacturer, Oriental trading packaging, newpaper inserts (the free shoppers) and what ever the new contract is. He will get paid for his work. He also gets $30/month of his SSI. With this he will buy his own clothes, toiletry items, eating out and cable. I'm sure we are going to always have to kick in some $ to make sure he gets what he needs. Tim is so motivated to do the work, he is trying so hard to hit the switch or pull the worms off the core.
I'm pretty good with the move. I am not looking forward to the 26th and driving him up there and then driving away. My wife is not handling it very well. The 19 years of providing for his every need has really drained her emotionally. She is ready for a break. And yet when Tim moves out she will suddenly be without her primary reason for being. She is not that one dimensional but his care and dealing with the school, the doctors and DHS can dominate your life. She was pretty crabby today (she'll give me the business when she reads that). We all spent the day packing stuff, getting ready for the party, picking out colors (we are going to paint his room) and putting together a video slide show for his party.
Last night 30 minutes after I went to bed he called out that he had a code brown (family code word for dirty diaper). I had just changed him and put his PJs on. As I got out of bed to change him I thought that I should savory this opportunity to serve him because it won't be long before I won't able to get up at night and take care of a problem. (Tears in my eyes.)
Rich
Wow, wow, wow!
Thanks for the great update!
Would it be okay if we were to email him?
and
What does he need at Walmart?
Good job Rich and mom.
Isn't that interesting?I knew you would.I hope you're all taking notes, because there's going to be a short quiz next period... Tom Lehrer
That's sweet of you.
He is "registered " at Walmart under Tim Cargin Pin 2007. There are some movies on DVD that he wants. He likes action movies. And old TV series like Swat, and Mission Impossible. Cop shows from the 70's.
There is a host of things we need to get for the move. We want to get him set up with 7 sets of clothes, hamper, toiletries, folding chair for company, TV, radio with (DVD, cassette and MP3) for his books on tape. He loves clean (no sex or foul language) historical novels. He also has free books on tape from the Library for the Blind which come with their own long play tape player.
You don't need to get him anything. Thank you for asking. I'm sure that the local people will swap him with stuff. He charms everyone.
Yes you can e-mail him.
Rich
Edited 11/10/2007 10:26 pm ET by cargin
Rich
Sounds like everything is going to work out.
Hawks win today will insure them of a bowl, maybe a minor one at that but a bowl none the less. Tim should be ecstatic about that!
My best to your and your wife
Doug
Doug
The Hawks didn't score at all in the 2nd half against the lowest ranked defense in the Big Ten.
I hope we go to a bowl game that we have a chance of winning.
But a win is a win.
We beat Illinios and they beat Ohio State.
Tim is excited by the win today and he has been sure for weeks that his Hawks are going bowling.
Rich
"Code Brown"
I help a friend take care of her husband who has Alzheimer's disease and has become incontinent. You just gave us a durable chuckle...thanks! <G>
When Tim was about 15-16 we needed a way to communicate this when he was around his friends. You really don't want to say I need my diaper changed. How embrassing. There's girls around that he has a crush on you know. So we developed a code word.
The other code word used at school is "we have to take care of some paperwork".
Rich
Our Alzheimer guy is no longer aware enough when he's let loose, which is easier on everyone because he's a cowboy, the real deal, and a gentleman of the old school. Funny...as far gone as he is, if you put some western swing on, that old boy will grab the nearest girl and commence dancing! That boy-girl connection seems pretty durable, no matter what the obstacles. <G> In very, very small measure, i know your joy...and your heartbreak. Thanks for gracing us with your story.
Hey Rich,I hope you don't mind if I join the other folks under the tree...What a handsome son you have...his picture radiates life...I'm happy for Tim that he is so thrilled about the move...must be hard for you...My 2 girls-17 and 22- were the last to leave the nest this summer when they flew to Spain...I cried...I was depressed...I was ready to pack in it and move to BC ...my family has always been the center of my life. They still are...it's just different...There will be lots of ways that
Tim will still need you and your wife...you're special folks.silver
Silver
Thanks for being under the tree.
I know he will be well taken care of.
I am concerned about him being homesick and lonely, mostly on the weekend.
He wears his emotions right on the surface. He can't tell a lie, he can't even keep a secret. He just blurts out "Mom we bought you a new sweater".
That's what makes him so different from you and me. We put a mask on and don't tell people (in childlike terms) how much we love them, or miss them.
Why are your daughters going to Spain? Short term study?
Gotta go
Rich
Morning Rich,I worked all weekend so I'm playing hooky for a few minutes before I totally fire up for the day...Say hello to Tim for me...tell him I'm thinking about him and hoping all goes well.My daughters, Crystal and Zoey went to Spain to train under a Portugeuse riding instructor...that gig didn't work out so now they are in Germany training under a Grand Prix riding instructor...and things are working out much better. Zoey, my youngest, is a little homesick and they always say "love you" at the end of a phone call.Talked to my son Sky last night about playing pool this week after work...last thing he said "love ya"...man, it's the little things that have the most impact.Rich-my thoughts are with Tim and you this morning... what love I have to share, I share it with Tim and you and your family...Phil
Silver
I'll pass on the hello and the love to Tim.
Play pool more often with your son, let him know how you feel.
Sometimes we need to be more like dogs. They always wag their tails and are so happy to see you come home. They don't wear the mask.
17 years old and in Germany. That's pretty big stuff to tackle for your first time away from home for an extended time.
My son went to Germany in 06 for 4 weeks with a friend visiting foriegn exchange student friends. He loved Germany.
Rich
Thats awesome Rich. The jobs sound perfect for Tim. Your story humbles me.jim FKA Blue (eyeddevil)
I have 2 grand sons who are autistic and have an idea on what you are up against. God bless your family. Kids like ours do make us humble. The place he will be in sounds like an excellent place for your son. I have learned a lot about love with my 2 grand sons. Its good to see God is at work in your family.
Sincerely,
Larry
Edited 11/12/2007 2:18 pm ET by larryscabnuts
Larry
Thanks.
Just keep loving those kids.
Support the parents. Most people don't understand what they live with. The ups and the downs.
I'm going to post a picture of Tim working.
Looks to me he is always ready to have a good laugh. Ya can't help but love Tim. I bet he is a hoot to be around. God Love him.
Oh I will love my grand sons forever.
Edited 11/12/2007 11:40 pm ET by larryscabnuts
Your thread brought tears to my eyes. It certainly started my day. I am happy for Tim, and for you, his family. Your love for him is obvious, and never ending. He will enjoy being at his new home.
May your blessings continue.
Thanks
Tim's life reminds me to slow down, enjoy the little things in life.
To be give people around me more grace.
What I am fretting about today won't be such a big deal a month from now.
Love the quote on your profile.
Rich
How's our lad doing, Rich ? Been thinking about you. I hope all is well. We'd love an update.
Greg
Greg
Now why did you have to bring that up? Sorry.
We just moved him in to the Village yesterday. The move went well.
He kicked us out of his room about 8:30 last night. He wasn't sad at all.
I was fine last night. Didn't shed a tear all day. But this morning I am pretty melancholy. I thought I would want to post something after the move, but I just didn't feel like it. I just wanted to mop around and veg.
You should have asked how is the lad's Dad doing. I think Tim is fine. He is ready for a big adventure. I am walking on the edge of tears all morning. Nothing big, just small memories.
When my oldest moved out 3 years ago, I had no problem. 1st he learned to ride a bike, then down to the park, then a car, then take the car for a 3 day trip away from home. It was a series of events where he proved himself capable and responsible to care for himself .
With Tim it's like having your 5 year old move out on his own. But he is growing into a young man before our eyes. He was not anxious at all yesterday.
By 8:30 he was tired and he just wanted to listen to his book on tape and be alone, so he kicked us out of his bed.
I've got to go to work. Thank you for thinking of us. The caring people of BT have meant so much to us. You have all shown us the love of Christ through your words.
I would write more, and I will. But work awaits.
Truly Thankful to you all
Rich
I've had a lot of those emotions that you described in the past couple of months. They really suck, because there just isn't anything you can do to "fix" them. So I really feel for ya.Don't know what else to say except that I'm still behind ya.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
BossHog
11 God has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. Eccl. 3:11
Even these emotions are beautiful in it's own time.
I will be praying for you and your family situtation.
In the end, family is all that matters.
We're still behind you too.
Rich
Thanks - I appreciate the thoughts in return.
Nothing is wasted which makes a memory.
Hey Rich,I've had my share of what you're feeling in recent months...when my girls left for Spain this summer, I think I cried every day for a week...good news is-they're coming home Christmas eve!My thoughts are with you,Phil
Good evening Phil
It's going to be a Merry Christmas around your house I can tell. I am happy for you.
Tim couldn't get comfortable in bed last night. He didn't fall asleep until about 1:00 AM. One of the grandma type ladies stayed in his room all night. He was awake again by 5 AM. But they just went about his normal routine for the day. After lunch he was feeling pretty good.
That lady sent us an e-mail and she said " He is such a sweet guy. You just can't help but love him."
Levi is going up there to watch their Tuesday night TV show together. He will probably stay until Tim gets to sleep. Levi and Sarah cried most of the way home last night.
I was okay until I started walking from the van to the house tonight. I was thinking that Tim wouldn't be there to say "Daddys Home, Yeah". Then I walk in and his place at the table was empty. All we needed now was Tiny Tim's unused crutch in the corner to make the picture complete. (Sorry Tim doesn't have a crutch just a wheelchair.)
I lost it. I got out a plate, glass and silverware and set his place. I needed that to set the world aright again. Then DW, Levi and I cried and finished getting supper ready.
Lately I have been thinking about families that have loved ones in Iraq or Afghanistan, and I thought I've got nothing to worry about. Those people are sacrificing a lot for us.
Rich
You mention soldiers being away from home, reminds me of a ceremony I've seen.
I'm a member of the "Sons of Amvets", and have been to a few of the official Amvets functions. In some of the ceremonies, they set a single setting at a separate table, using different items on the table in rememberence of the missing soldiers. IIRC, two of the things on the table that come to mind are salt which is for the tears that are shed and lemon for the bitterness. There are more. Every time I see/hear it, my eyes well up.
Be happy for your son. He's moving on in his life. One of tough parts of a parent's job is to give their children space and help them grow. Hang in there. (Maybe it's time for a trip down to a church to talk with the (wo)man in charge?)
Don K>
Don
Thank you. That ceremony would choke me up to.
Be happy for your son. He's moving on in his life. One of tough parts of a parent's job is to give their children space and help them grow. Hang in there.
I'll keep that in mind. I know he can grow there in ways that he never could at home.
We feel God's leading in this all the time. Because we lack trust we sometimes want to put our hands back on the steeringwheel.
Rich
Hi Rich,I read this earlier but wanted to think about your post for a while.That lady sent us an e-mail and she said " He is such a sweet guy. You just can't help but love him."Thank God the world is full of special people.Sounds like Tim will be fine...and so will you and your family...I'll be thinking about you and Tim tomorrow at work.Phil
All
I posted this to Silver on another thread last week. I thought maybe I should copy to this thread for those of you who are following our big move.
Visited Tim last night. Very pumped to go visit.
Feeling guilty afterwards. All this freedom in our lives that we were looking forward to seems so hoolow,cheap and selfish now. My parental urge is to bring him home.
He's OK, just lonely. Staff does things different than Mom and Dad. There are not many residents in his house that are as verbal or as intelligent as he is.
It's hard to judge though. Many are trapped in bodies that don't work. They try to talk and not much comes out. Like I've said before I know his days at work and at classroom are fullfilling, it's just nights and weekends that I worry about.
We just have to give it a couple of months. I hope he can move into a waiver home within a year or 2.
A waiver home is 3-5 residents, usually off campus, with support staff. It's usually a remodeled ranch that is privately owned and the residents make more of their life decisions like shopping and meal planning.
The residents still go to the Village to work and attend classes and get physical therapy they just live in a more family like setting. His current room opened up because the man moved into a waiver home.
They are trying to build a couple of waiver homes on campus, but that against the rules. There currently is one just across the street from campus and that's okay.
Then my wife wrote the following today to family and friends.
Tim has been at the Village for just over a week now. The first few days were very rough. He could not sleep and was throwing up. His aide from school, Lynn( aka our angel) went up and spent an evening with him. He was able to let out all his pent up emotions( didn't want to talk to us and worry us) to her and then by her urging talked to one of the staff as well. Then called us and talked to us. He has been much better since that visit and gets better daily.
He lives with 10 other people in his house. He is making friends with two of his housemates. Gerald is an older gentleman whose condition is very similar to Tim.He likes to drive his chair to Tim's room and watch TV with Tim. Tim is just connecting with Kevin who is 35- ish and also very similiar to Tim. Kevin is an avid sports and Walker Texas Ranger fan as is Tim.
Kevin told Lynn tonight while Tim was out of the room that he remembers what it is like to move to a new place and he wants to help Tim transition. Staff also reports he is happier and getting more involved with work and people as the days go by.
Rich and I have had some rough days also. We went to see him Sunday(took him to church in Sheldon,etc) which was great but Sunday night we were both basket cases at the same time. Not a good thing. We prayed and amazingly the last couple days we keep getting encouraging reports and I "feel" confident Tim willl flourish with time. Isn't God good?
Thanks for all the prayers,phone calls,cards and emails to both ourselves and Tim.
Blessings, Sharon
Rich
"...but Sunday night we were both basket cases at the same time."
There's just something about Sunday nights, isn't there? That's one night I often have trouble too.
Thanks for the update. Still hoping for the best for all of you...
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
BossHog
I'm praying for you and your family.
Rich
rich....
<<<
A waiver home is 3-5 residents, usually off campus, with support staff. It's usually a remodeled ranch that is privately owned and the residents make more of their life decisions like shopping and meal planning. >>>
that is the real reason behind ##RFH Ranch##... so that it can be converted to a private group home in the future
Group homes have been such a blessing since they shut down the big institutios hereMike Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Mike
You're right there. We have many group homes in LeMars.
My wife used to work in the old county home 20 years ago.
The group home situation is a great improvement.
Rich
All
Here is an update on Tim. He has been at the Village for about 2 months now. He is doing well and adjusting well.
We went to see him today and he cried when we left. That just tears your heart out. The first month he never did that. Last 2-3 times we have visited on the weekend he has cried when we leave.
DW and I have been doing date night on Thursday for about 2 years so we use that night to visit him and spend time alone talking and driving. Every other weekend we have been bringing him home for Sat. night and take him back on Sun afternoon.
Sometimes his brother Levi visits him on Tuesday night. On the other weekend like today we take him to church in Sheldon.
All in all it has gone well, but there is still a lot of adjusting to do. We have been talking a McDonalds sack lunch with us and eating with the other residents. That really helps us to get to know them.
We have been disappointed in the opportunities in the house for Tim to have friendships because so many of the residents are older and not verbal. He has made friends with Kevin (age 40). Kevin speaks as well as Tim and drives a wheelchair and they both love sports (Iowa Hawkeyes Basketball now) and Walker Texas Ranger and that is good.
There are others like Renae (19), she looks like she is totally out of it, but she has been getting excited when we come to visit. We have been talking to her and I think she is starting to trust us enough to respond. She is probably a smart girl trapped in a body that won't respond to her brain.
A month ago we visited Tim at work. At noon as we were waiting for the bus to unload others and pick up Tim I saw a lot of people coming and going, some walking some in wheelchairs. Staff was helping some with coats.
Right then I got a vision of a community all set up with automatic doors, staff at your place of work to assist Tim. It gave me a vision of where life can be at for Tim in 5 years. Driving himself around campus to classes, to work, interacting with staff and residents and feeling fulfilled. It gave me hope.
Both DW and myself are glad we don't have to do his care, but we would really like to have him live at home again. Several times my wife has said as we are driving away, "Lets's go back and take him home with us". I want to badly. I breaks my heart to think that he spends time alone.
Don't get me wrong, after we ironed out a few things with the staff (minor) they have been great. You can tell they are attached to him and they organize activities and such. They are good to residents who are not so likable, and Tim is easy to like.
I know that his days from Monday thru Friday are vastly more full then we can provide around here. We just need to learn to cope with the evenings and weekends.
He hasn't been listening to his books on tape much lately and I don't know why. At home he would just get transported to another world for hours while he listened to an adventure.
I don't cry much about it anymore, but the house is a lot more quiet. Levi and Sarah seem to be gone more now. It's just DW and me a lot of the times.
Well thank you Breaktime community for all the support. I will keep updating from time to time. It's helpful to just put it out there.
Attached are pictures of Tim in his room. I know it says graduation, but it is Tim's room at the Village.
Rich
Edited 1/27/2008 10:04 pm ET by cargin
i can't imagine the tugging you feel on your heart.
i'd like to write something that would help ease that,but i' not sure there are any words.
you,tim and your family are in our prayers,god bless. larryif a man speaks in the forest,and there's not a woman to hear him,is he still wrong?
always
Thanks
Just being there and a nice note like that help alot.
3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5
Sometimes it's just no fun building character.
Rich
Its nice to read an update, sounds like things are working out.
Doug
Rich,
I'm left speechless by your tale. This is the first I've read of your tribulations and I don't know how you do it - Know that my heart and thoughts go out to you and that there is a father's tear in my eye for you and what you are accomplishing with your son.
BradG
You just wake up one night and your wife's water breaks 3 1/2 months early, 3 days later you're in a strange hosiptal in the same clothes.
After that you just take it one day at a time and do the right thing for that day.
19 years later you write a post to BT. Most of you would do the same for your kids.
Thanks for the reply.
Rich
Thanks for the update--my thoughts and prayers are still with you. That would be hard! But it does seem like where he is staying is the right thing. You get the sense that he's just lonely--no one mistreating him or anything, right? Maybe he'll get back to the books on tape.
[Thinking of books and the comfort they can bring, I once sub-taught a class of impaired grade-school aged kids and the girl who was autistic had to have a certain book to read every morning--one of the mornings I was there, the book wasn't and I think we had to finally have her parents come because she was so upset!]
Danno
Just lonely and missing family. The staff is wonderful. Just a trial he/we have to go through. I have to believe that God has placed him in that place at this time.
When Tim was 4 I did daily excercises where I moved his arms and legs 3 times a day. He was stiff and didn't move very well.
We put the movie 101 Dalamations on and he settled down and relaxed enough to let me move him. We wore that tape out, and he never got tired of it.
Thanks for the reply.
Rich
I don't know if it will help but. my heart goes out to you. My wife and i have adopted 3 autistic sons. 2 verbal and 1 nonvwerbal. the non verbal is 25 and goes to a day treatment center every day. my wife and i get very emotional every week because we don't know how he is treated. we also have a granddaughter in a whealchair, in a home that we talk to on the phone every nite. we will keep you in our prayers. I like to pop in once a month to make sure that nothing bad is going on. we find that the caregivers are less than forthcoming about how things are really going on. if you need anything please email me.
framer52
I think caregivers need to know that the family cares and is watching.
That being said, we are getting to really trust his staff. During the week it is usually the same people the weekends seem to have different staff.
The Village has people from other areas Industries, clerical, PT and management that help take hours in direct care. That is good. They see what direct care is all about and then the staff is accountable.
BTers are patting me on the back, but you are the real saint. I had a son born to this and I didn't have a choice. You on the other hand have choosen to adopt 3 special needs kids. My hat is off to you. I won't choose this path.
For your non verbal son, the best thing you can do is pray over him daily. The same God who held back the Red Sea is the same God looking after your son today. And be diligent and kind to the staff at the day center.
I'll be praying for you.
Rich
Thanks for the update. Don't know what else to say but hang in there. We're still behind you.
Credit cards - Boldly owing what you've never owed before
BossHog
I'll be praying for your family too.
I stay out of the tavern so I don't know what is currently going on.
Don't need to just pray for ya.
Rich
Thanks for thinking of me. As a matter of fact, I just put a post in the tavern this weekend telling about how well things are going, and thanking everyone for their support. I see the boys regularly, the ex and I have (mostly) forgiven each other, I'm going to a Divorce Care class, and I've been on a couple of casual dates. All in all, I'm pretty happy and have a positive attitude. I don't want to hijack your thread with anything more. But that's it in a nutshell.
Leaders are like eagles - they don't flock. You find them one at a time
Boss
I'll look it up tonight.
Rich
Boss
the ex and I have (mostly) forgiven each other
Forgiving someone is for our own benefit.
When we forgive someone we think we are doing them a favor. Usually they can live just fine without our forgiveness.
We on the otherhand will slowly be eaten alive if we harbor unforgiveness. It's like a cancer that grows inside and corrupts everything.
But, easier said than done. I'll pray for you.
Rich
You're right - Forgiveness is easier said than done. It seems like we just get everything settled when something new pops up. I find out about something else she did behind my back that I didn't know about, or she wants more money above and beyond what she's already getting - Stuff like that. There's plenty to get angry about. So I have to start the process of forgiveness all over again frequently. In this case, practice does NOT seem to make perfect./-:
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. [Gandhi]
Just curious how Tim feels about living there versus at home? he may really want to live there at the place but just hates to see ya'll leave after visiting. That will go in time.....
With cerebral Palsy, your mind is sharp in most cases but your body is uncooperative. Being around people like you said that are "out of it" probably is hard. Un-stimulating mentally.
My brother had it and can remember him like it was yesterday. He died when he was five. Couldn't sit up, eat or drink by himself, not even speaking. But very loving. Not having the ability to caugh up flem and such I feel contributed to his death. Today he would have a better chance of survival. Medicine has come a long way.
I couldn't imagine having to make the decisions you have had to make. But knowing he will be taken good care of and taught something for his well being is a great accomplishment for him after you and your wife are gone......
The weekend thing with him coming home should be a great thing!
Peace Cargin and good to ya'll. Keep us posted!
“Some people wonder all their lives if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem.” Reagan....
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -Truman Capote
jarhead2
Thanks for the reply.
I really don't know if he would rather live at home or there. I think he wants to be grown up like his brothers and he wants to conquer this challenge.
He is also very aware of the amount of time and effort his care takes. He has never been demanding, in fact just the opposite. He will ask for something followed up with " If you please".
As with the fishing trips, he didn't want to go fishing, but he wanted to be included on a road trip with the guys.
Same thing now he realizes that family is taking place somewhere else and he wants to be a part of it, until the village becomes his family. It's a process.
We hope to get him into a waiver home someday with perhaps 2 people in wheelchairs and 2 people mobile (like Downs Syndrome individuals) .
As a rookie I think he has to live here until a opening comes available, and when the Village staff sees where he would fit in the best.
Sorry about your brother, but it is obvious that he made an impact on your life.
Rich
Cargin, The crying behavior might be learned from the other residents. They may exhibit this when their families visit and leave, and he has picked this up.He is smart enough to unlearn it. You are smart enough to teach it. What a wonderful example you are all teaching us here. That there really is more to life than cutting wood, and pounding nails. This is the best part of this site, well that and the arguing over what kind of underwear to have on when it's cold outside.thanks for this thread...dan
drapson
The crying behavior might be learned from the other residents. They may exhibit this when their families visit and leave, and he has picked this up.
Most residents don't have much family left or they live quite a distance away. We rarely see other parents.
2 years ago Tim would get very teary eyed if I left for anything other than work. If I went fishing for the day he would get upset. I would take him ( and I did many times) but he hated fishing. He would last for about an hour.
He amazes us by how much he has grown up in the last couple of years. He could never have done this 2 years ago.
2 of his house mates are 19 years old too. Both non-verbal. One is totally out of it and the other is Renae.
The others are in their 40s ( which makes their parents in their 60s or 70s)and one guy is 62.
Gerald is 62 and he is a hoot. I took my cordless up there to do a repair. He stopped me and told me he needed help. He had a screw loose. I thought his chair. Then he pointed to his head and laughed.
Thanks for the reply and the concern.
For me it is briefs summer or winter.
Rich
Thanks for keeping us informed about your son's progress as well as the emotional struggles which accompany this big transition in all your lives. It's particularly helpful to me in that it puts my problems in a more realistic perspective.
When seen that way, my proximity to spiritual liberation becomes clear and I thank God for His many great blessings.
It's not that I've escaped serious life trials and am grateful for that, just that most of mine are now behind me and I can see the light at the end of this life's tunnel. May that light bring me closer to serving God once again.
With Love and Respect, Peter
Hudson Valley Carpenter
A little Prespective helps us deal with daily problems. Most aren't much of a problem at all. Just situations that need to be solved. Prespective from the life of Tim or from our elders helps us to enjoy the little things in life and not get so wired about everything.
I thought seeyou was a little hard on you in the roofing gun thread. You gave the OP good advice. I stopped reading that thread after a while. I do fair amount of roofing.
My Dad was born and raised on a dairy farm near East Meredith NY. I visited there (15 years ago) for the first time in decades. Upstate NY holds a special place in my heart and memories. Amazing people up there, they welcomed us like we had always lived there.
May that light bring me closer to serving God once again.
What's stopping you?
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Gal. 5:22-23
Practice these things where you live. People tend to think you have to go to Africa to serve God and yet we all have neighbors.
Rich
What's stopping you?
Only the kind of emotional distractions that keep my mind elsewhere. In my experience, the heart has to be at liberty in order for God's will to manifest in daily life.
I fully agree that one need go nowhere to serve God but to do it fully also requires more than running down to my church and helping serve refreshments at some social function because my name came up on a list.
It's a matter of being atuned to God within so that He can work through me to reach others who are in need of something. I don't make that happen, I only make myself available by loving God and wishing to serve.
I've had the privilege and great experience of saving several peoples' lives in that way and serving many others in smaller ways, delivering messages in a timely manner. When that happens it's just me being there with a quiet mind and an open heart, with no intention other than extending a hand of friendship and feeling what's going on in the moment.
When the mind is going through a period of depression and/or dissatisfaction it's often not open to God's love or the wish to serve. That's why for many of us, reading of your loving service to you son is inspiring and brings us back to the wish to serve His love in ways we have known in other times of greater mental and emotional clarity.
I recently had an encounter with a homeless man who's living quietly in a large nearby park. It came about through God's wish to help, not mine, but it's allowing me continuing opportunities to practice giving inner attention to God so that He can connect with me and work through me.
As has often happened in the past, the small messages I've given this fellow sufferer of life's pitfalls have so far been tossed aside, rejected out of hand as being of little or no value in his life.
But the past couple of times I've stopped to talk with this fellow I've been getting the feeling that it's time to do some gentle interrogation, maybe ask him if he thinks that God has abandoned him.
If, at that moment, I can keep my mind quiet and my focus within...then God's Love may to able to speak to him more directly through me. I'm willing, just don't know if I'm as open to That as I once was.
It's like walking a high wire, the inner balance can't get tripped up by personal feelings or the message will get blurred. Anyway...as long as the focus starts within and stays within...it's all good and God will find His own way through to me and to my brother who is also in need.
Hudson
Sounds like you have your head on straight.
As has often happened in the past, the small messages I've given this fellow sufferer of life's pitfalls have so far been tossed aside, rejected out of hand as being of little or no value in his life.
Reminds me of Tim and other handicapped people. Tim would put on the stupid face, or, out of it look, in public. So when all the people would come by to pat the cute little kid on the head (and he was helpless do do anything about it) he would just put on the stupid face.
But if someone showed a genuine interest and was willing to wait for Tim to form a respond and get the words out, then Tim would just come alive and blurt out what he wanted to say. He wanted to see if they were worth the effort it took to form the words.
In other words he had to see there sincerity and trust them before he would come out of his shell. So for a long time we had 2 Tims the public, I'm an idoit Tim, and the private, lively and funny Tim.
We have been working on him to get him to respond to people in public, and he is much better. Plus he can speak more clearly and his mouth can start to keep up with his mind.
Your homeless man could be doing the same thing. He percieves that he can't change his situation and he has to endure these people who just want to pat the dog on the head. He is probably just waiting to see if you are worth the effort from him.
When the mind is going through a period of depression and/or dissatisfaction ( or just plain busyiness and self centered life) it's often not open to God's love or the wish to serve.
Been there, done that. You're right most of us are too busy or distracted to listen to God. I still don't sit long enough and just listen.
Negative thought patterns can become like a whirlpool. The more you focus on the negative (work, marriage, church, politics, fill in the blank) the larger it gets.
I know some people who just light up the room when they enter with their good attitude. I want to be more like them and less like me.
Rich
Your homeless man could be doing the same thing. He percieves that he can't change his situation and he has to endure these people who just want to pat the dog on the head. He is probably just waiting to see if you are worth the effort from him.
He opened up to me when he felt like he had something to offer, that we were on an equal footing. Our first conversation was the longest he said he's had since he became homeless. But since then he's clamed up pretty much.
Hard to tell if he's being manipulative, working me for something, or if he's just feeling sorry for himself and wants to play the martyr. I see him as an equal so I don't believe he has any reason to feel demeaned by me.
Anyhow, it's good for me to be more in touch with my heart, listening or just being more aware of impressions which arise from within.
It's what I've been praying for so I'm grateful for any opportunity to lighten someone else's burden. A sincere smile is often enough to get that started.
Peace be with you, Peter
Hudson
Anyhow, it's good for me to be more in touch with my heart, listening or just being more aware of impressions which arise from within.
Amen
Rich
Since you are a carpenter, I can recommend going to the Gulf Coast any chance you get and helping rebuild. I like to think of it as a way to do God's work--a way that I am more comfortable with than say, preaching or serving tea at a church social!
God save me from preaching! ;-)
The older I get, the quieter my life becomes and more I'm able to feel God's presence within. It's a warm inner smile that starts in the heart and spreads outward.
I like when it gets into my brain and stops all the thoughts, just making aware of myself in a simple, humble way. Then I'm in harmony with all around me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the great people who are giving their time, energy, talents and material wealth to help rebuild the Gulf Coast. It renews my spirit to know that we all love and serve together, each according to God's will.
Wow, sounds like you are further along the path than I am!
Wouldn't you agree that spiritual insights come to us all in our moments of true connection? So when we meet, each of us on our own path to God, we can share the connection that we're experiencing.
I've often noticed that my path will lead me to relate to a particular person or group of people for a while, until I get what I need from that association. Then it's time to move on.
I received some insights from what you said about people serving others on the Gulf Coast.
We're all messengers, even when we don't know what the message is or what it means to the other person.
So I'd say that where we are on our path is unimportant. It's only important that we're on it and that we stay on it.
With Gratitude, Peter
Well, not to get too syrupy and so on here, but yes, I agree that spitritual insights do often come to us all in our moments of true connection.
Had an "interesting thing" just this past Sunday. A lady we happened to meet last year only because she sat in front of us one Sunday and complimented my wife on her singing (so now the lady finds us, or we find her almost every Sunday to sit near her) came late and sat with us. As we left, she started to tell my wife something and just broke down crying. I couldn't hear what she said, so just sort of stood by helplessly while my wife comforted her. (She calls my wife "daughter," even though we've only known this woman for about a year.)
My wife explained it all later, but it got me thinking about how people enter our lives and we can just stay on very superficial terms with them (and sometimes that is all that is required, or how it works out) or we can enter into a deeper relationship and be that much richer for it. I'm feeling more and more that life is too short to keep everyone at arm's length and talking about the latest televised football game or the weather, when we could be sharing more meaningful events. (On the other hand, you'd get pretty emotionally drained and scare a lot of people if you got emotional and personal with every person you ever saw. Nonetheless, my old pastor said we should always be ready to keep appointments set up by God.)
I agree that wearing my heart on my sleeve is not wise.
In the course of growing closer to God in spirit, we do become more sensitive emotionally. But my aim, and maybe this is more a male perspective, isn't to experience emotions more deeply, it's to experience God's grace more profoundly.
Sometimes I feel joy so expansively that it brings tears to my eyes but I've learned to accept that as completely appropriate to the overall spiritual high I'm experiencing. Great music is one example of things which often bring me that kind of joy.
Church life can sometimes be very sentimental, particularly for women. It's natural and easy for many women to release heavy emotions in that atmosphere, where they feel protected and loved. Like you, I just stand aside and play a silent supporting role.
My idea of connecting with people spiritually is pretty simple. It happens when we both have a moment of recognizing something alive inside the other person. Smiling eye contact which conveys a little spark of love and respect. That's all that any of us need to get closer to each other spiritually, as brother and sister.
That's the beginning of a responsive friendship, a little smile, a humorous exchange, something that connects us to each other and to our surroundings for just a moment.
Then we can go through the day in a lighthearted, loving way because we can feel that the connection wasn't just with the spirit of another human being, it was with God as well.
Amen to that!
And with that, good night--signed off three times only to see messages to me from Breaktime and signed back on, but now I'm really going to quit!
All
Here is an update on my son Tim, written by my wife to friends and family.
Rich
I spent the day with Tim on Wednesday. I visited his computer class, PT, ate lunch with him, and visited two work environments. It was very good to see how well he is adjusting. He has friends among staff and his peers. It is such a fabulous environment. There is lots going on all the time. He runs the paper shredder like a pro. They have a switch set up that he hits with his left hand. I watched him shred over 200 pieces of paper in about 40 minutes. That is two hundred times of hitting that switch!
They also have about 6-8 functional words that he practices during work. He knew them all. That reminds me the nurse has goals for him that he keeps meeting too fast so she was teasing him about how she had to make his goals really hard. He has to know the names of the drugs he is allergic too for his goal right now. (Hey, I have to have their names written down so I am impressed).
He uses a switch on the computer along with help from staff. They were looking up Cub standings and reading news stories. He helps the computer guy get and sort the mail, also. He works at a loom for another job- he is making a place mat but the switch is on vertical board and it wasn’t working too well for him. When he gets good enough and can finish something on the loom, they will give him he own number and will sell his stuff on consignment at Coffee /Gift Shop the Village runs.
OT is ordering a tray to put a switch on for work so hopefully that will help. OT is also doing experimenting with joysticks and other switches with the next step would being to learn run an electric wheelchair. At morning break one of the staff told me they are reading a book about the <!----><!----><!---->San Francisco<!----><!----> earthquake in reading class. She said Tim is really enjoying it. Tim always lets her know if anyone nods off by telling her time for a break. Another staff told us Tim really knows his current events and history in another class he has- puts her to shame she said.
Some of the residents bake cookies on Wednesdays and they are always sure to deliver one esp. to Tim. In fact, if they are making a kind he doesn’t like they bake something extra for Tim. Another staff said to Tim – oh wait a minute have to show you a picture. She went to her purse and got a picture of her daughter winning a race in track at school. I heard from staff everywhere I visited that Tim knows his schedule( and most everyone else’s as well). Same old Tim –we have always called him the Cargin family palm pilot.<!----><!----><!---->
<!----> <!---->Monday after work Bob Pigg (young man from Le Mars area who lives at the Village in a home off campus now) pushed Tim home after Life Skills class. Tim asked him to come over after supper. I guess they watched <!----><!---->Walker<!----><!----> together. Cool! <!----><!---->
<!----> <!---->I was very encouraged by what I saw. It is such a blessing to see him adjusting, making friends, and being challenged to learn new things. Thanks for all the prayers and please keep them coming.<!----><!---->
<!----> <!----><!----><!---->Sharon<!----><!---->
Wonderful!!
They can't get your Goat if you don't tell them where it is hidden.
dovetail
Thanks for the encouragement.
I posted my wife's post and then posted some more myself.
Rich
Awesome! Thanks for the update. Bob's next test date: 12/10/07
Jim
After posting my wife's comments then i posted some more of my comments.
Thanks for the reply and the kindness.
Rich
You're a good dad and your son is lucky to be in the environment he's in.They didn't have these programs - or at least I don't remember them until the past 10 years ? or so.Even today probably a lot of rural areas don't have these kinds of opportunities.Our role as parents is to "get our kids out there into the real world" Good job !
mr fixitusa
Thanks for the reply. Yes i am thankful for the oppurtunity for Tim.
VNW was starte 25 years ago.
Until about 2 years ago i was unaware of it even though I had a handicap son.
Rich
All
Tim is making good progress, but it's not all roses. We have had several Sunday afternoons where he cried uncontrollably when we returned him from a visit.
We bring him home every other weekend. We usually go up one night a week to do a short visit.
Like we thought his days are full, but his evenings and weekends need some work. He is starting to take some control of his life by inviting people over. That is a huge paradigm shift for him. We have always been there to direct his life and he has always been passive. He needs this Village experience to help him to take control his life. And in many ways he is directing staff about his personal care.
We have spoken to the Village about our desire to see him in a home that has more individuals that are as verbal as he is. Of 11 residents in his house only one other man is as very as Tim. He needs more socialization. He is getting it during the day.
Last week he was all concerned about another resident, Linda (lady in her mid 50s with a huge tongue hanging out all the time and mostly out of it) because she was in the hospital with bowel problems. It was good to see he had compassion for her.
Last Sunday I returned him to the home and he jumped right into dinner and joking with the staff, so I was pleased.
Anyway things are going well, all things considered and progress is being made and we are trusting in the Lord that Tim is in the right place at the right time.
Thanks to all of you for being there.
Rich
Edited 4/25/2008 9:11 pm ET by cargin
Edited 4/25/2008 9:12 pm ET by cargin
All
Another pic of Tim's room. I couldn't find it for sure before.
Rich
All
I will repost pics.
Rich
Thanks for reposting the photo of your wonderful son. His smile opens my heart reawakens my inner life.
I'm glad to hear that he's taking on the new challenges with enthusiasm and doing so well with them.
Peter
Thanks for the reply.
Let your inner light shine.
Rich
<!----><!----><!---->Hudson<!----><!----><!----><!----><!---->
It's Thanksgivin morning and all I have to prepare is the cheesy potatoes and the mashed potatoes. I usually have the responsiblity for the <!----><!---->Turkey<!----><!---->, potatoes, dressing and gravy. SIL wanted to do it at her place this year so she will do the turkey. So here is an update on Tim.<!----><!---->
It has been almost a year since he moved to the Village. He can be out of his bed for 30 nights/ year for funding purposes. So we bring him home every other weekend. On holidays the staffing is usually a problem so they don't mind if he comes home a little extra. Lightens their workload.<!----><!---->
We are still taking him to church on the off weekends.<!----><!---->
In early June we took a vacation to the Lakes area and took Tim with us. On Sunday morning when we were all finished packing to go home we were all talking about returning to normal life. Tim said " And now I have to return to my boring life". <!----><!---->
It broke my heart. So we started asking around for a better home on campus for him to live in. It was decided that the <!----><!---->Transitional<!----> <!---->Training<!----> <!---->Center<!----><!----> would be the best fit for him. It is a fairly new building with 2 distinct wings with 8 residents in each. It was orginally designed for brain injury victums (car accidents) but now they also have developmentally disabled there too.<!----><!---->
That decsion was made in July and we were supposed to move several times but we got bumped. In the meantime Tim spent some evenings over there and we visited several times. Once the decision was made Tim seemed to have a new outlook on life. Freewheelers (his old home) wasn't so bad and he just seemed happier.<!----><!---->
Tim moved into the West wing there on Oct 17. The west wing is all male, 3/4 of which are in a wheelchair or a walker. But most can walk short distances by themselves or with help. The atmosphere is more like a dorm and less like a nursing home. Everyone can talk and have a conversation. They just might not remember what they had for breakfast.<!----><!---->
He has an aide that seems to have adopted him. She is 22-25, her dad is a local farmer and yet she looks Polyensian. She went to ISU for 3 years and she is very sports (football) minded. <!----><!---->Iowa<!----><!----> is Tim's team and ISU is our interstate rival. Every time I go up there she seems to be working, or in Tim's room cleaning and organizing. She is the kind of girl that you can joke around with (nicely) and she ribs Tim quite a bit.<!----><!---->
When I take him home now he usually says " You can go home now", It's like Ashley has me now I'll be OK. The staff at his new home as 3 men and Tim loves each one. He likes to be with the guys.<!----><!---->
He loves coming home and is just a live wire at home. When we visit him mid week he seems to be quite lively. In the 1st 6 months when we visited mid week he was quiet and we would have to work at drawing him out. I think he went thru a period of depression for about 6 months. <!----><!---->
All in all I think he pretty adjusted now. At times I feel like this really sucks, because I want him to be part of our daily life and the parent in me is not providing for him anymore. But I know he has to have his own life. He has to live in a eniroment (or town) that has work or daytime opportunities for him that our local town does not. We have a sheltered workshop that provides work for the mentally retarded but is not set up to handle severe disablility.<!----><!---->
I will pick him up at 10:30 this morning and we will have him thru Sunday. I am looking forward to it. DW just asked me to take pics of his house and room today. I will try to post them this afternoon. I will repost a pic of Tim for those of you who didn't read the thread from the beginning.<!----><!---->
I am thankful for my family and all the blessing they have given me. I am also thankful for all of you and what you have taught me over the last year. Even the ones who are now gone I wish some of them were back with us.<!----><!---->
Rich
View Image<!----><!---->
gOOD PICTURE OF HIM!!!!!11
We will be thinking of him and praying for you both!!
frammer
Thanks or the reply. I'm thinking of you and your family on this day too.
Rich
it's great to hear on how tims doing,sounds like the new place is a really good fit and has pretty girls to joke around with! can't get any better than that.
glad you up dated and have great thanksgiving with your family. larryif a man speaks in the forest,and there's not a woman to hear him,is he still wrong?
Larry
Hope you had a good thanksgiving.
Thanks for the reply.
Rich
Rich,
Your loving thoughts have made Thanksgiving more real for me.
Thank you for sharing so much of Tim with us. His smile alone is a great blessing.
May you all have a happy and rewarding Thanksgiving.
How are you doing Peter.
Have a blessed day yourself.
Rich
thanks for the update, Rich -
best wishes to you and DW and tim - keep up the good work -
D"there's enough for everyone"
David
Thank you for caring.
It truly is a day of thanks giving.
Rich
Happy thanksgiving to you and your family. Mike
Small wheel turn by the fire and rod, big wheel turn by the grace of god.
ruffmike
And a happy thanksgiving to you too.
I hope you are stuffed and satisfied.
Rich
Rich, that photo really gets me. What a great smile.Wishing you a joyful Thankgiving, Ben
http://www.truenorthcarpentry.net
TN
Thanks for the reply. Tim does have a great smile. He can just light up a room with his laughter too. He doesn't hold anything back.
Have you picked up work in Colorado Springs yet?
I've been thinking about you and the family and the new location.
What a bold move.
Blessings to you and your family.
Rich
Rich, I haven't picked up any work yet, but I'm trying not to dwell on it. I've got a few plans for next week I want to try out. I FEEL that there is work here, I just need to break into the market.I showed my wife Tim's picture and she loved it too.Thank you for your thoughts, I also wish blessings for you and your family this holiday season.Benhttp://www.truenorthcarpentry.net
Ben
Then I will pray specifically for work.
When I don't have any work then I volunteer to do work. Ask at the Ronald McDonald house if they have any handyman projects you can volunteer your time on.
Or women's shelter. Focus on the family has their headquarters there, and they are always counseling families in need. I sure you can find a group that helps families in need.
Proverbs 19:17 One who is gracious to a poor man lends to the LORD, And He will repay him for his good deed.
You might not get paid, but at least you are getting out and people see you working.
I have gotten jobs off of that kind of effort.
As for myself, the less I work the less I want to work. I start getting up later and daly around the house longer. I was on unemployment back in the early 80's and boy did I get lazy.
Volunteering to do projects gets you out around people who have the power to hire you and it gets you using your skill set again.
Rich
Rich, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It is amazing to me that someone I've never met face to face would care enough to do that.Thank you also for your suggestions about volunteer work. I've contacted the local Habitat for Humanity here, since I've had experience with them before in Michigan (I was the building supervisor for several houses there). I hadn't thought about the other places I could volunteer that you mentioned. Very good ideas! I've also gotten paying work from volunteering gigs. If you count up what your time is worth, and how much advertising that pays for, volunteering can actually pay for itself. I don't volunteer expecting an earthly reward, but it is nice when something comes along through that avenue.I know what you mean about getting lazy when there's no work. It's a constant battle to stay motivated enough to keep looking. If I don't watch it, I find myself sleeping late, going to bed late, taking naps... you know how it goes.Ben
Ben
I've never met face to face would care enough to do that.
It doesn't take much time to pray for someone. But it can be very helpful.
I have a feeling you are going to need some BT friends to be in your corner as you carve out a new life in Colorado Springs.
We will probably never meet face to face, but that doesn't matter much. You might not like my face. LOL
Keep on trying to find work. Get up at the normal hour and prepare your truck and your tools, sharpen your estimating skills and your chisels or read a business book. Work will come, use this time to get ready.
Rich
"I have a feeling you are going to need some BT friends to be in your corner as you carve out a new life in Colorado Springs."I've been hitting Breaktime a bit more lately and I've been amazed at the kindness and willingness to share here."We will probably never meet face to face, but that doesn't matter much. You might not like my face. LOL"Maybe you wouldn't like mine!I just looked up where you live and it doesn't look like you're too far from 80, which is the road we take to get back to Michigan... who knows. :)"Keep on trying to find work. Get up at the normal hour and prepare your truck and your tools, sharpen your estimating skills and your chisels or read a business book. Work will come, use this time to get ready."Good advice.
I've really been working at the estimating side of things. It's almost getting to be an obsession! I guess I've worked too hard at too many jobs I didn't price high enough. That will do it to you.http://www.truenorthcarpentry.netP.S. I tried to get the quoted sentences in blue. It worked, but my message was one long paragraph, so I deleted it. How do you do it?
Edited 11/30/2008 10:06 pm by True North
Ben
P.S. I tried to get the quoted sentences in blue. It worked, but my message was one long paragraph, so I deleted it. How do you do it?
I highlight a sentence, then go up to color and hit blue.
I use IE and others with a different platform have trouble doing it.
If you scan down on the reply you will find the post you are replying to. It took me a long time to figure that out.
Are you still using Turtle Soft?
I'm 1.5 hours from I-80.
Rich
hey rich, i'm still here.....thanks for the pics and update on TimMike Hussein Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
Mike
With all the turmoil, I thought maybe you just packed it in for a while.
Goo to know you are still here.
Rich
All
Here is an update on Tim.
The last update I did on Tim was on Thanksgiving morning. This post also has his picture. http://forums.taunton.com/tp-breaktime/messages?msg=96278.159
Tim is doing really well. He seems to be about 85% adjusted. He still needs more to do on the evenings and weekends.
He seems to be very comfortable in his new home. Most of the men are older and some of them are kind of annoying. But there are a couple of guys there that he can buid a friendship with.
As i said in the earlier post the staff at the new house is very good. at least 3 young men work there and he likes male caregivers.
Most important of all is that he seems like the old Tim, very happy and in a good mood.
We bring him home every other weekend. Levi picks him up on Sat morning about 11 AM and I take him home around 3-4 PM on Sunday. He is always ready to go home and doesn't get upset anymore.
On the other Sunday we go up and get him and bring him home for church and a couple of hours at home. This means 2 trip to Sheldon (35 miles one way) for me on Sunday. This seems a little excessive to me and we will probably scale it back. but for now everyone seems to be Ok with it.
We had been going up to Sheldon on the off Sundays and taking him to a local church, eating out and then hanging with him for a couple of hours. It just never felt right. Over Labor Day we were up there, took him to church and then we were supposed to go to an outdoor concert in Sioux Falls ( I think it was Micheal W. Smith), but it was hot and the walk from the parking lot was going to be about a mile.
We said the heck with it, let's just go home and hang out for the afternoon. The day was so nice and peaceful. so we have been doing the off Sundays like that ever since. We can go to church as a family with his brothers and sisters, eat out or eat at home, watch some football, take a nap and then take him home in the late afternoon.
I'm feeling pretty good about the situation right now.
Tim went to the state capitol building this week to "testify" to the legislature. VNW does a meet a greet session in Des Moines each year and take residents down for a 2 day trip to put a face on the handicappped for those in government.
A house member is a close family friend so he was going to meet with Tim while at the capitol. Tim was pretty casual about the whole affair. Like it was no big deal, just rountine business. But I know he had to be pretty excited. He loves big events.
Well that's all for now, time for me to go to work.
Thanks for all the support. I will spell check later, got to go.
Rich
rich... good news ... and good setting
i have severall friends and acquaintences with similar situations as you
two of them are in their late 80's and their son's are in their 60's..... both are still at home and what happens next is a big open question
Mike Hussein Smith Rhode Island : Design / Build / Repair / Restore
mike
The 24/7 complete care that Tim needed was getting to be too much for my wife.
I am a glutton for punishment so I think I could have kept it up for years. But it dominates your life and every decision.
"Can we get a wheelchair in there?" " Yes, we can but is it worth the effort?" If we are gone for the weekend (rare even now) who will stay with Tim. Can they bathe him, feed him and keep him stimulated?"
We probably could have handled it longer if we would have had daytime activities for him. a place to go and job to do. Tim can't do anything except hit a switch with a gross movement.
Anyway we wanted to get a solution while he was still young and adaptable.
If I was in their shoes I would want a long term solution while I was still around to help ease the transition. A double whammy of death of a parent and move to a new enviroment would be tough to deal with. Special needs people like a routine and a set schedule.
My aunt had severe down's syndrome and she moved into the nursing home with my grandmother. She made the transition ok, but it was a battle to take her out of her routine and say go shopping instead of work. This was in the 1980s.
I will pray for their situation.
Rich
It is good to hear that he is adjusting well. Gives us hope. My wife and I have been talking about similar with our 25 yr. old.. It is just so hard to pull the trigger when things seem to be going well at home.
Good to hear you son is well!!!!
frammer
If you can handle his care then don't rock the boat. Tim's need for care was so 24/7, and we didn't have any activities for him to do during the day.
If we had a activities center in town that could employ/educate him during the day and we could have had more help in the evening then we would have kept him at home because we enjoyed him so much.
Unless you have lived with it (I am speaking to others now) you just can't understand how their care affects every aspect of your life and thinking.
I will pray for your situation and that God gives you wisdom and guidance.
Rich
Thanks Rich.
Thanks for the update. It feels good, reading how you have all adapted to the new arrangements. Knowing that Tim is in a healthy and happy environment is a bright spot in my day.
Best wishes to all,
Peter
Peter
Just got this e-mail from the Admissions director at the Village, he went to Des Moines with Tim. Our friend Chuck Soderberg is standing next to Tim with a blue tie.
We have been friends most of our married lives.
Rich
Attached is one of the pictures we had taken in the House chamber, along with a public release that was sent out to area papers. Thought you would enjoy seeing it in case it doesn’t make the paper. Tim was great to have along with our group. As you have certainly done many times, we had to “make-do” with out-of-chair time (bean bag in the back seat of the van during stops) and with restroom times due to small stalls, etc…but he was a trooper through all of it and kept a smile on his face. We really had a great time and Tim was a great advocate when visiting with our legislators. It was really neat for Tim to have Chuck Soderberg visit with our group. Thanks for sharing the information about him being a family friend. Rep. Alons gave some of our group a tour of the capitol and then Chuck gave Tim and me a tour. We all ended up in the House chambers for a picture. We all shared various issues…Tim shared our concern about the caps on ICF/MR level of care—that we need more money so we can keep good staff like Tiffany and Scott (they accompanied us and both work at TTC). Our group really enjoyed Tim…a great guy with a great sense of humor—and patience with Scott and me. Thanks for allowing him to become a member of the Village family. I took some pictures with my camera, too, and will forward those as soon as I get them downloaded.<!----><!----><!---->
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Phil
When i was reviewing the pics of the work on your house, i noticed Tim and his wheelchair in one and wondered how he was faring. I'm happy to read your update about how you're all figuring it out.
splinter
Thanks for the reply.
Tim is home right now. He is such a hoot this weekend. Just a live wire of hugs and Final Four excitement.
Rich
Rich,
It's wonderful to see how far we've come in the last fifty years, to raise the quality of life for handicapped people. I pray that the new health care program which is under consideration will provide funds for such care and creative opportunities, for all who cannot do so for themselves.
I've benefited more from meeting and becoming friends with a few handicapped people than almost all other humans I've known. It's clear that Tim has had that effect on many people.
Peter
Edited 4/3/2009 12:10 pm by Hudson Valley Carpenter
Thanks fer the update.
Ron
Thanks for posting and letting me know you care and are folowing the updates.
I am replying to everyone at once. Sorry to the rest of you that I did not reply promptly.
I am remodeling a spare bedroom into an office/spare bedroom.
I have been trying to stay focused on it so that this project doesn't strectch out all summer.
Friday night I textured the walls and yesterday I painted the walls.
Rich
To me 35 miles one way doesn't seem like much but I guess it's all your point of reference. My DW does a 60 mile one way commute each way 3x - 4x per week.
Glad you're feeling better about this and that Tim is doing so well.
7g
john
I was refering to driving to Sheldon and back twice a day, every other Sunday.
It's a little over 3 hours ov driving on Sunday for me. We listen to books on tape on the way up and back.
He loves to listen to books on tape and if I can get him hooked on a book during the weekend then that will carry thru on during the week.
I don't work on Sundays and I try to limit even work at home. I try to make Sunday a day of resting, fishing, reading and bike riding.
Rich
"We bring him home every other weekend. Levi picks him up on Sat morning about 11 AM and I take him home around 3-4 PM on Sunday. He is always ready to go home and doesn't get upset anymore."
That's great news. Sounds like it is "home" to him now. Nice for everyone.
Jeff Buck Construction
Artistry In Carpentry
Pittsburgh Pa
Jeff
VNW is starting to become home to him.
I guess it is like it was with me and college.
It probably took 3-4 years before I stopped refering to my childhood home as my hometown. And I didn't go home very much during college.
Thanks for the rely.
Rich
Thanks for making our day! Happy Thanksgiving to you, Tim and everyone else.
smslaw
I hope your thanksgiving day was as peaceful and full of food as mine. I didn't over eat. But I still ate plenty.
Rich
Tim's smile and the gleam in his eyes make me fell better every time I see that picture. What a great kid.
Thanks for sharing your family story. I consider it quite a generous gift.
All the best, for you and yours, pete
Pete
Tim does have a great smile. It has always made him a favorite with any aides or at the school.
Today and tonight he just keeps telling us how much he loves everybody. He is really enjoying being home for several days in a row.
That picture was from his senior pictures. We did a whole set of pictures, outdoors and indoors. After the session was done. We decided to get a passport photo taken just in case we needed a passport in the future. I held him on my lap and controlled his head as well as I could and yet keep my hands out of the picture.
That passport photo is the one I posted. It just captures him.
Thanks for the reply.
Rich
pete and All
Here are some pics from yesterday when I picked Tim up
Rich
Tim's new house TTC.
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Tim in the common living room.
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Tim in his room. He is screaming no way at me because I teesed him about girlfriends. I think I got to close to the mark.
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Tim and his room with his own bathroom.
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All
More pics.
Rich
Tim in the living room in his Hawkeye poncho ready to go home.
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This is the industries building were Tim works at shredding paper or seperating fishing worms. The also do pallets, bottles and can sorting, assemble sprayer parts, assemble junky kids toy packs and whatever the contract calls for to be assembled. There is a ag manufacturer that gives them jobs like the sprayer parts or bearing assemblies.
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This is across the street from Industries. The red building is called Futures, here they do goumet coffee, and a gift shop and other assembly. In the background are the greenhouses where they grow tomatoes.
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Very impressive looking place. Excellent environment too.
Never asked before, is this a state facility?
By the way, nice looking house and workplace!!!!!!!!!
frammer
No is is a private facility. All the funding comes from their SSI money and the county in which the resident 1st lived.
How are your kids? Or should I say young adults.
Rich
25 yr old is in a day treatment facility every day
19 yr old is in a program called college works, designed to help him with independent living and a job. The dumb part is he would do well in a regular setting, data entering job as he loves computors. Time will tell!
Rich,
Glad to hear an update about Tim. Best of luck to him and your family. Very nice picture of him as well.
Toni
Toni
Thanks for the reply.
I'm glad your still with us and not a hostage.
Geez, that's scary. You could have been there.
They probably would have een doubly mad at you because you're a New Yorker. LOL
Rich
Picture link didn't work.
Frammer
I'll redo them. Thanks
Rich
It's got to be some tough adjustments for everybody, but it sounds like things are working well. Thanks for the update.
Craig
I go to work and forget about the situation but on the weekends I have to face it.
When we bring him home is just on fire with ideas and the joy of life.
So it is tough when he sometimes crashes on Sunday afternoon on the return. Last week was goo though.
How is work going in Kansas? Still thinking about a move? Small town isn't all bad.
Seems like I have gotten everything I have looked at this spring. We have alot of work lined up already. I have never had this much work this early. Some years we struggle into June before I wish the phone won't ring anymore for a while.
Got to feel blessed though.
$14 beans and $6 corn and and a new ethanol plant mean a good local economy.
Rich
Things are going well. There's a lot of optimism in the local economy. The bad times have a long tail, but have the advantage in that there was no housing boom here to bust from. However, my wife is a school teacher and enrollment is way down here. The future of the local school is in doubt. Probably need to move but we're dragging our feet.I'm working for new customers. I think I am making a more professional impression than other guys doing my kind of work due to tips I've picked up on BT. Helps me justify my BT addiction.:)
I know exactly how you feal.
Do they bring your son to church for you?
Do you still worry how he will get along when you are gone?
Thats my single biggest worry with my boys.
frammer
Do they bring your son to church for you?
We go up there to church on the weeks that Tim doesn't come home.
But we have had a couple of Sundays that it wouldn't work for us. We visited about 5 churches and we settled on a Christian Reformed church, about 4 blocks away.
We are not CRC but we have attended CRC in the past. This church just fitt in so many ways. The 1st Sunday we could make it for him I just called the church office on Sat. and they had several people willing to meet him at the door and everything was fine.
Alot of people there who care, work at the Village or are just real. The Village arranges for rides. He rides the buse with 4-6 others to that church. It's a very religious community. Dutch people.
Do you still worry how he will get along when you are gone?
No. Out of my control. That's where you have to trust God.
Rich
i was sitting here pretty grumpy cause of stuff that went on today,then i hit that pic of tim that says' grad.
put big grin on my face just looking at that smile.
you should put a warning on there that you will get as big of a grin on your face as tim has.
my days better now. keep us posted on how it's going larryif a man speaks in the forest,and there's not a woman to hear him,is he still wrong?
Larry
Thanks.
He can be a blast to watch a close game with too.
He wears his feelings on his sleeve. When i would come home from work he would say Daddys Home Yeahhhhhhh, with child like joy.
As adults we hide that so we can be cool. What a shame.
Rich